Incident - this bothers me. Should I just forget about it?

[whatever23]

2.5 weeks after DD was born MIL came to stay. She said she'd hold DD for a bit so I could sleep. I was knackered as had had major blood loss and stitches from the labour and then an infection a new born. I go to go to sleep. DH gets in bed too and starts trying for a cuddle. At first I don't mind the cuddle but then I'm feeling uncomfortable and then he's inside me. It hurts. I manage to get him off me and go and sit with my mother in law in the front room (feet away).

Are you saying he didn't get your consent?

He didn't ask no

No, you should not forget it. If you were in discomfort your dh should not have penetratedf you.

2.5 weeks after giving birth?? Time to sit down and point out to DH what your body has been through and how he has, at the very least, been an idiot.

No you shouldn't forget about it.

You weren't awake.
He didn't ask.
You were injured from the birth
It was too soon after birth
You were exhausted and resting

You know what this is, right?

Have you discussed it with him since?

Sorry - forgot to say I'm very sorry.

How long ago was this? How has he been since? Have you discussed it?

I’m really sorry. This isn’t ok, none of it is ok.

That is NOT ok

What on earth 😱

I talked to him about it the next day (I think, not totally sure on time gap) said that it really wasn't ok and needed to wait for the six week check and he said "that doesn't work for me" and walked off

How long ago was this

And yes it is bad probably worse actually than you are allowing yourself to think

Wow what a selfish bastard

He raped you and then said waiting wasn’t an option

Did he wait OP

What a prick xxx honestly i won't lie In my early days of dating husband I've woke up to him trying to arouse me for sex but this is two and a half weeks after having a baby .

Is he always this pushy in regards to sex ?

Are you still with abusive cunt OP?

this abusive cunt.

So he raped you when you still had stitches in? And it sounds as though he'd do it again given half a chance. That's disgusting and abusive behaviour, I'm afraid I couldn't stay with him

Wow, he is awful. You have every right to feel violated and angry.

I think you need to talk to someone about this. Find a safe space and a good professional. I suspect this isn’t new behaviour for him.p, but your need to address this now and make some decisions about your future with this man.

I am so sorry this happened.

"That doesn't work for me"??

Who the HELL does he think he is? I am so sorry, OP. I might have replied, "Well, being married to a rapist doesn't work for me".

How long ago was this?

No I'm not still with him. Later he was violent to me.

I think after this incident I stopped feeling like I could properly say no to sex for fear of what he might do and what I'd have to face decisions wise so I used to just along with it when I didn't really want to. Between the after effects of pregnancy and him I didn't feel like I owned my body.

Have you had counselling?

Does he see your DD

Thank fuck you are no longer with the scumbag.

I had counselling for the violence but we never discussed the sexual side of the relationship. I'm feeling like I need to face it now but I've always wondered if I over reacted to the above incident because I was raped by a friend when I was younger.

You under reacted by far. That's plain to all. I think it would be good to discuss this all with a sympathetic counsellor.

Waiting six weeks after you've given birth doesn't work for him?!

I have no words, OP. I'm so sorry you were married to such a horrible entitled shit. Well done for getting out.

You didn't overreact.

Your earlier experience likely led you to minimise the enormity of what he had done.

I would strongly advise you to get professional help to talk all of this through and process it. It will help you to recognise abusive sexual behaviour and protect and maintain your boundaries going forward.