Incident - this bothers me. Should I just forget about it?

[whatever23]

2.5 weeks after DD was born MIL came to stay. She said she'd hold DD for a bit so I could sleep. I was knackered as had had major blood loss and stitches from the labour and then an infection a new born. I go to go to sleep. DH gets in bed too and starts trying for a cuddle. At first I don't mind the cuddle but then I'm feeling uncomfortable and then he's inside me. It hurts. I manage to get him off me and go and sit with my mother in law in the front room (feet away).

I am so sorry. Please do discuss tgis and get help.

You were not overreacting, you were under reacting. Xxxxx

I agree underreacting, but there is no wrong here. You were likely in shock and possibly afraid after what he said.

I'm so glad you left him. Maybe now is the time to talk this through with someone.

No wrong way to react*

WTF.
Selfish and beyond belief.
Dose he not he realise he could have caused more problems for you..

When did all this happen?

OP, it would probably be more helpful to only have one thread on this rather than 2.

@EinsteinsArousedSausagesHCB I realised chat wasn't necessarily the best place to post and I actually thought the chat thread had died

Just a heads-up for the future - MN will move your post to a more relevant board if you report it and ask them to do so.

If you report it, MNHQ should delete it for you.

I agree with others that it sounds like you underreacted. Although, it's understandable that you would react that way as a form of self preservation.

Get a really big carrot and shove it up his star whilst smiling and saying this really works for me ! Better still wait until he is asleep and do it.
He should be ashamed of himself.

That's rape in my book.

That's awful. You were v vulnerable 2.5 weeks after having had a baby. Physically and emotionally and he forced himself on you.

You cannot forget about that as it would erode your self worth. To restore self confidencevand self worth and boundaries, you have to face it. Well done for not just burying it.

OP: my ex was an emotionally abusive twat at times, but he never ever forced himself on me in a sexual way. That would make him a rapist. I had episiotomy with both of my kids and with my first I couldnt walk very well becasue I was so injured for weeks and he never tried to push me. He waited until I was ready.

My current partner (not abusive, we both have hig sex drives), was the same when I had a cone cervical biopsy and was told couldnt have sex for 1 month, also never pressured me, never forced himself on me. Because he is a good man. The fact he reacted like he did after when you challenged him shows he is only thinking about himself, when I am sure during his adult life he has resorted to using his hand, and can do so again.

I hope you hear what Mumsnet is saying to you, and you start to realise you are worth more than that. A man should chesirsh his partner after giving birth to their child, not force you to have sex when you are in pain, just had a baby and he could do some serious injury to you. How long ago was this? What is your situation like now? Do you want to leave him?

Happened a while ago- I've left him

But I haven't talked to anyone about this IRL

You poor thing. Well done for leaving him. Well done for bringing this up on here - that’s a big step. If you are still in counselling bring it out in the open there so that you can deal with it in RL.

Do you still have contact or does your child still have contact with him or his family?

Yes he still has contact

Oh whatever i am so sorry that he raped you, he is a vile cunt.

I hope that your life becomes rich in love and kindness

You could speak to Rape Crisis and get some support from them. I'm sorry this happened to you.

If you feel able to do so, it would still be possible to report to the police. My husband refused to accept the word 'no' when we were first married and the only way I could cope was to absent myself in my head and eventually fall asleep.

When trying to understand why he felt it was ok, he always said he was desperate to make love and it seemed the only way to do so. he maintained I'd accused him of being a rapist, something I strenuously avoided doing when trying to get an explanation.

When I asked him what he would do if dd told him a man had done that to her, he had no hesitation whatsover in defining it as rape.

There are some real shitty bastards around.

You managed to get him off you? That sounds like you physically had to shove him off you.

So sorry OP.

Yes he raped you.

You poor woman.

I definitely think Rape Crisis could be the way to go.

Please get some support.

Great you've left him but awful that you have to have contact.

💐 and strength.

What kind of sicko starts having sex with their partner that has just given birth, recovering from an infection and with their own mum a few feet away? A rapist that's what. The fact he then said that won't work for him waiting 6 weeks, what is he going to do? Rape you again? Phone the police

OP can I ask if he is still in your child's life?

Please do be honest in age appropriate language, of course with your child as they get older. He is not a nice person and it is right for children to know about their parents, especially if there has been violence etc.

I know some parents hide their partner or former partner's faults but I also know that it is always best for children to know the truth.

please get support. Thinking of you.

@Italiangreyhound I understand what you're saying I just can't think of a way to ever tell them this about their father.

Thank you all who have responded - at the very least it was a display of incredible selfishness from the person who was supposed to take care of me. It's no wonder that hurts I suppose.