I feel like such a shit !!!! Very confused

[Mollyalone]

Hi,
I have been in a relationship (on off) since April 2018
On paper we look like we have a fab relationship and in many ways I suppose we do.
But it’s come to crunch time now as he has just sold his house and the plan is for us to live together but I’m having huge doubts as to whether I can share my home and life full time with someone again, I am 3.5 years out from my stbxh leaving me for OW.

My partner is a very kind and generous man but is also very clingy and very needy of my whole attention, I sat in a different chair last night instead of next to him on the sofa and he was quiet and sulky saying that it wasn’t right I should be next to him ! I had just worked a 12 hour day and didn’t want to be touched or inappropriately groped as is his way so I sat on my own seat for some space.

He openly ogles other women when I’m with him and makes no bones about it, I find that very belittling to me and my feelings.
He hogs the tv remote and we always watch what he wants or what he thinks I want to watch all the time and describes the things I like as shite .

We had temporarily parted at the end of last year for some of the above reasons but I decided to give it another go at in jan this year.

It never improved he has even grabbed my boobs at a bbq in front of his adult children and their friends when he was tipsy ....needless to say I hate it and it was embarrassing.

Our sex life is pretty poor and I have come to really dislike sex with him as it is just that sex and no emotion or forplay involved. Yuk I feel like I would never bother if I ever had sex again as I just don’t want to be mauled about anymore.

These are some of the red flags that have been waving in my face for a long time and now I can’t carry on with this anymore.

I have asked him this morning for a weeks break from us so I can have some space to sort my feelings out and his only reply to this was
“ I don’t understand any of this “
I explained that I’m having doubts and he never answered as I sent this by txt this morning after I had left him in my house when I went to work.

I have just popped home for lunch and he is not here and neither is his personal stuff so I take it he’s gone back to his own house.

I feel relieved to be getting space but also a shit for letting him down

Please talk some sense into me and any advice would be welcome 🙏

You asked him for a weeks break, perhaps you will hear from him tomorrow? Hopefully you have a response ready which leaves him under no illusion as to where things stand.

This definitely doesn't sound like a relationship you should be in and even more so not one you should be moving in with.

I do think you should have thought about this more before he sold his house though. It is a bit shit to change plans after such a big thing as him selling his house and all of these red flags can't have suddenly appeared out of nowhere.

Hi,

He was seeking his house anyway as he had to settle financially with his ex wife. It also makes me wonder now why she left after 32 years and never looked back. Maybe she really had taken as much as she could take.

I have my reasons ready if he contacts me again and they are the same as I have written on this thread and when it’s written down and read back it’s all very grim isn’t it.

Like I said I’ve been a fool and obviously my self esteem was on the floor after being dumped for another women.

They say every experience is a lesson

Lesson Learnt 😢

Thanks everyone I really appreciate your replies it really is a unanimous YUK 🤮 x

Selling not seeking

OP, you don't owe him an explanation. You have the right to change your mind. He is vile and disgusting - wonder why his poor ex wife put up with it all.

Keep repeating to yourself, " I deserve better..." do not give up on relationship because of this vile man. There are lots of decent men out there. In the last month, I had met two men. One was a real TV addict. I ditched him. The second, he told me that he was to married me - I envisioned the next few months together, he is vile - touching, grabbing my bottoms in public. I ditched him too. Even before I told him that I would not see him again, he told me that he was already talking to someone else. I said OK.

Going on a date next week when the guy is back from holiday. No your worth, no excuse, no explanation. You're a grown up woman and do not need to explain yourself to no one.

Go back on the dating sites and meet your prince!!

You have absolutely nothing to feel bad about. This isn't a partnership. Personally, I think you're well rid.

He sounds absolutely repulsive.

Well done for getting out.

How he has 23 people to go away with is extraordinary!

I bet his wife has never been happier.

I wouldn't waste your breath on him.

A simple,
"I'd rather be on my own forever, than spend another minute in you company"

Sorted.

Best of luck.

OMG that is a quilt cover of red flags sewn together and waving madly in the wind just telling you DON'T DO IT!!!! No way would I have a man move in with me who did half the things he does. Bloody hell you deserve a LOT better, his attitude and actions stink!!

Why don’t you just block him now?

I honestly don’t understand why you haven’t.

Well done @Mollyalone for realising -yuk indeed! Onwards and upwards

He sounds vile.

I'd just block him now. Although I suspect you're already long forgotten and he's back on the dating sites as he was before. This 'relationship' is over and you're best off out of it.