Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

He's not interested, love. Just move on!

66 replies

RunningThruMyMind · 28/08/2019 14:48

I think I already know the answer to this Grin but it's good to get others to tell it to me straight.

I had a ONS with a friend while away for a mutual hobby Wink (Ok, it's running.) Both single. I wasn't expecting it to turn into a relationship but, being honest, the sex was amazing and of course I was hoping it would happen again. Grin

Anyway, since the ONS, he has shown up at the running club only twice while I've been there. He says he's been busy with work recently. Fair enough. The first time he showed up, he gave me a smile and a wink but there has been no mention of what happened.

We had a 10 minute chat last Friday where he mentioned some things we were speaking about prior to the ONS but again, no mention of anything else.

He asked for a copy of the invoice we received from the hotel and asked me to just leave it on top of his sports bag. Which I did, but popped a little note in the envelope- "Lets not leave it too long to do this again!" (A bit cringe, I know!)

He hasn't spoken to me since. Blush

Hasn't turned up to any runs this week. Messaged a mutual friend to say he'll be back this Friday- I won't be there..

I've scared him off, haven't I? Grin He does have a demanding job but I think I might just have to accept that he's avoiding me now. I was hoping the note would break the ice and show that things don't have to be awkward between us but I think it achieved the opposite! Oops!

OP posts:
MargoLovebutter · 28/08/2019 14:54

Sounds like you were hoping for more than ONS and he wasn't. That feels harsh typing it out, but it sounds as though that's what might have happened here.

Original poster
RunningThruMyMind · 28/08/2019 14:56

Yeah, not going to lie, I would have liked to have had another tumble in the sheets Blush

Oh well, I guess I'll just need to accept that I can't be greedy on this occasion!

OP posts:
Herocomplex · 28/08/2019 15:00

I’m quite a naive person, but I don’t think you’ve done anything wrong. You had sex, enjoyed it, made it clear that you’d be up for more. He’s decided he doesn’t so he’s avoiding you. Would have been nicer of him to say something but he hasn’t, so at least you know that he’s probably not worth thinking about any more?

Zackly · 28/08/2019 15:12

I’m with herocomplex.

You’ve done nothing wrong. Our culture says that women should sit on a rock waiting for men to say what they want to do and anything else means you’re a bunny boiler. Obviously that’s utter nonsense. You’re fine. The ball’s in his court and if he’s not going to hit it back then that’s his prerogative. You made yourself clear. His loss 🤷‍♀️, move on.

PS I can’t believe you told us your extremely outing hobby, I’ve already identified you IRL 🤪

Original poster
RunningThruMyMind · 28/08/2019 16:08

On damn. I knew I should have kept my totally obscure hobby a closely shrouded mystery Wink

I didn't think I acted too pushy but yeah I know where you're coming with the damsel waiting for a man to rescue her. Total bollocks.

I'm a bit disappointed that he's making things feel awkward but yes you're both right, his loss.

OP posts:
Mummacake · 28/08/2019 16:27

I think it looks like he's up for a re-match, but without any strings. So if you're up for that, hes game if you are Wink

crappyday2018 · 28/08/2019 16:32

He doesn't sound interested at all, in fact quite the opposite. You're literally offering it to him on a plate and he's still not spoken to you!! He's either extremely dim/shy or just not bothered. Its a shame but I would just back right away from him now. He's actually being rather un-gentlemanly if I'm honest.

lifegoes · 28/08/2019 16:33

I don't think you've done anything wrong. We can all say, we'd love to play it cool. But sometimes we've also got to put ourselves out there. You've done that, he unfortunately only wanted a ONS and obv isn't man enough to even face you regarding it. So I'd say just let him go, even if he comes back. I'd be telling him to do one.

Aquamarine1029 · 28/08/2019 16:37

He asked for a copy of the invoice we received from the hotel and asked me to just leave it on top of his sports bag. Which I did, but popped a little note in the envelope- "Lets not leave it too long to do this again!" (A bit cringe, I know!)

Fucking hell. I'm actually embarrassed for you. He's not interested, and I fail to see how he could have made that any clearer after the ons, aside from telling you to bugger off right to your face.

ems137 · 28/08/2019 16:42

Slightly off topic but why did he ask for a copy of the invoice?

desperatesux · 28/08/2019 16:45

I don't think you have done anything wrong either, you weren't sure but now you have removed all doubt. I would act easy breezy and keep my distance. You don't want it to veer into cringe territory but I don't think it has yet. It is clear he is not interested though I'm afraid.

P1nkHeartLovesCake · 28/08/2019 16:49

No his not interested

You haven’t done anything wrong though, you don’t need to be embarrassed about anything. Your no bunny boiler!

Put it down to a night of fun and don’t contact again. Just be friendly at running club (I.e smile, quick hello)

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 28/08/2019 16:50

I was going to ask about the invoice as well. Who paid for the hotel? Was it you? If so, why does he need a copy, is he intending to put it through his expenses?

He doesn't sound remotely interested in doing this again OP, as a ONS or not. Don't go there, your self-esteem would take a battering and you don't need that.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 28/08/2019 16:52

It's not anybody's 'loss' if they don't want to repeat something either.

augustagain · 28/08/2019 16:54

Him smiling and winking at you and engaging you in conversation and asking for a copy of the invoice all seems strange behaviour from a man who wanted to drop you after the ONS.

Sounds a bit like he was leading you on from the above. Whether he wanted another ONS and the note put him off or whether he wouldn't not have seen you again even if you had not written the note, we cannot tell.

I don't see why it's okay for him to smile and wink at you and if you respond as you did that's not okay. It's like the 1950s and we are still waiting to be asked to dance!

I still think asking for the invoice is the weirdest thing he did though.

sheshootssheimplores · 28/08/2019 16:54

Are you sure he’s not with someone? That would be my assumption.

augustagain · 28/08/2019 16:55

*WOULD NOT, (not wouldn't not) FFS

Sunflower20 · 28/08/2019 17:05

A bit cringe yes but we've all been there in various ways.

sonjadog · 28/08/2019 17:12

Quite the risk-taker, eh? With both the note AND telling us what the hobby is!! Seriously though, you did nothing wrong. You fancied more and made it clear, and it turned out he didn’t. Oh well, that’s the way it goes some times. It will be a bit awkward but you will both get past it and move on.

Igetknockeddownbutgetupagain · 28/08/2019 17:14

Why is it cringe? It wasn’t abundantly clear he wasn’t interested, from the winking and the chatting. You removed the doubt - and he chose to be a div about it and just leave you hanging with no word either way.
Bloody good on you for having a great hobby though and meeting someone in real life. And for taking charge of the situation too. Be proud, it was fun, plenty of people out there to have fun with Wink

sonjadog · 28/08/2019 17:14

You don’t think he might have handed the invoice over in the envelope to reclaim expenses and never saw the note? In which case, someone in account has got a surprise...

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 28/08/2019 17:16

Well I hope he paid for the hotel then and not the OP! The receipt thing is very odd.

OP... you are not odd. I also think that many of us have had cringey moments. :)

CookPassBabtridge · 28/08/2019 17:20

I don't think you need to cringe because he smiled and winked at you. I would leave it now, he could be busy or hasn't seen the note but either way just keep cool and breezy when he shows up again.

MashedSpud · 28/08/2019 17:26

It’s all very well, modern woman etc but it still doesn’t change the fact most men like to chase. It’s entwined in their dna like cavemen hunting food.
They enjoy the game and like to feel they won the battle.

If it’s just given then it takes the chase away and it’s not as memorable.

You had a good time with him. Leave it now and see if he contacts you.

Original poster
RunningThruMyMind · 28/08/2019 17:27

I paid for the hotel but I'll get a percentage of the money back from the club's "expenses" as it were. He was going to see the guy who deals with all that so said he'd give him the invoice too. Bloody hell I hope he's not just passed it on Blush I wrote ONS name on the envelope so hopefully he had the common sense to look in it first! Don't think the note would be too obvious to someone who wasn't in the know. I could have just meant I enjoyed the trip and wanted to go again.

I'm glad some of you think I'm not a total creep though Grin

OP posts: