He's not interested, love. Just move on!

[RunningThruMyMind]

I think I already know the answer to this but it's good to get others to tell it to me straight.

I had a ONS with a friend while away for a mutual hobby (Ok, it's running.) Both single. I wasn't expecting it to turn into a relationship but, being honest, the sex was amazing and of course I was hoping it would happen again.

Anyway, since the ONS, he has shown up at the running club only twice while I've been there. He says he's been busy with work recently. Fair enough. The first time he showed up, he gave me a smile and a wink but there has been no mention of what happened.

We had a 10 minute chat last Friday where he mentioned some things we were speaking about prior to the ONS but again, no mention of anything else.

He asked for a copy of the invoice we received from the hotel and asked me to just leave it on top of his sports bag. Which I did, but popped a little note in the envelope- "Lets not leave it too long to do this again!" (A bit cringe, I know!)

He hasn't spoken to me since.

Hasn't turned up to any runs this week. Messaged a mutual friend to say he'll be back this Friday- I won't be there..

I've scared him off, haven't I? He does have a demanding job but I think I might just have to accept that he's avoiding me now. I was hoping the note would break the ice and show that things don't have to be awkward between us but I think it achieved the opposite! Oops!

Will he know what ONS means??

I'd just tell your friend to tell him that he doesn't need to hide away, you're quite capable of leaving him in peace and just being friends again if that's what he wants.

You haven’t done anything wrong op, if you hadn’t said anything you would always have wondered. Chin up and move on.

Don’t cringe! Nothing to feel embarrassed about at all.

Honeyroar

OP wrote the name of the guy she had the ONS with on the envelope. She put ‘I wrote ONS name’

Right I think you should be proud of your actions post ONS making it clear you're Interested and you made a move, good for you. Why should we as women be quiet and wait for men to make all the moves and decisions?!

So he's not interested (you'll be fine obvs!) and tbh he should have the courtesy just to be up front and say he's not interested. I mean you slept together how difficult would it be to let you know he's not interested? If it was the other way round I'm sure you'd be honest with him.

Feel stronger and liberated by this

Ah! 😜

He'll probably understand then!

I think hes done you a massive favour by not responding back. Seems another night with him and you'd be expecting more than what he'd be willing to give.

Your clearly over invested, just say hello but put this all down to experience

Since when is 'wanting another roll in the hay' synonymous with 'overinvested'? 🤔🤦‍♀️

It's not anybody's 'loss' if they don't want to repeat something either.

It’s just an expression Do you take everything so literally?

Yes. Silly platitudes are just that, not a salve. What is the point of 'expressions' if they aren't meant?

OP sounds like a very able and capable woman who knows what she wants and isn't afraid to take a chance. Hats off to her, she doesn't need pity.

I don't know why people are being cunts and saying they are embarrassed for you. I don't think you were embarrassing at all. All you did was let him know how you feel. It's not cringy or awful if he doesn't feel the same way - it's just one of those things.

I hate this idea that you should never be upfront about your feelings because rejection is the worst thing that can possibly happen to someone. Being honest about your feelings regardless of whether or not you know how others feel in return is brave and authentic and to be applauded imo.

I used to be in a running club in suburbia and it was a hotbed of sexual liaisons, marital affairs - the lot!

Is he the club stud?

Lol his loss 😂
He can avoid you if he wants but don't change your running club frequenting on his behalf! That little note is hilarious, what a weirdo for turning down more sex!

*Will he know what ONS means??

Howling with laughter 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

Brilliant just brilliant

I think he’s being childish. He should have text/emailed you a polite rebuff to the note, not disappeared like some daft kid.

I think it’s bizarre that out of everything in my post (and the rude things others wrote), you chose to pick on that, and you interpreted it as pity.

But hey, that’s your prerogative. Your loss.

Although men may prefer to take the lead, I think most men wouldn't mind if women put themselves out there a bit more. You did nothing wrong OP. If he comes crawling back at some point looking for sex you should probably return the favor and ignore him though.

@sonjadog
Cringing at the thought of the note being passed onto expenses at the club
OP they may just be able to read between the lines judging from posts above. But probably won't bat an eyelid either

He seems a bit of a user.
Ons can be a bit like that.
He will be back.
And he won't need a note for encouragement.
I also hope you tell him to 'do one'

Ons aren't everyone's cup of tea as you can end up feeling hurt and used.

He's probably been busy and not avoiding you and not really thought about it/you/the ons, until he's at loose end again.

Raise the bar?

I think you have the maturity and sense of humour to put this behind you, OP.

Let's see, you had some great sex on a ONS and let him know you'd repeat the experience. Straightforward enough. IMO, there's no point in playing the coy maiden post a ONS.

Men have historically been expected to make the first moves and to cope with rejection. I think women are strong enough to do likewise.

If he wanted to discourage you, his smiling and winking were hardly the way to go about it.

Chalk this one up to experience. ONS can often be so disappointing, so be happy the sex was so amazing

NEXT!!!

I wouldn't bother with him regardless OP. How good was the ONS really if you're feeling potentially a bit embarrassed and crap now because he's swerving you at running club. You did nothing wrong at all, him not wanting to repeat it (he really doesn't seem at all like he does- let's face it, we don't actively avoid people we are keen to see) isn't any reflection on you, nor is him acting like a child by avoiding the situation- don't let his choice of actions be the thing that has you feeling bad! You got out of it what you wanted, it wasn't embarrassing to suggest a repeat and be declined. He doesn't have to agree it was great either because again, men's opinions on things really aren't any kind of final say or ultimate statement on a female.

I would steer clear now though, for yourself. If he does come sniffing around in a few weeks it's only going to seem like he's out of other options and wants sex because he knows he could get it. It's not the route to feeling good about yourself.

No need to feel embarrassed. Its hardly stalking. You weren't asking for a relationship, just another bout of what was good for you last time. He's being a bit of an arse about it though.

Thanks for the replies, everyone. I'm feeling better about the situation now, and your replies have gave me a few giggles. Especially writing "ONS" on the envelope. Perhaps I should have.

You're all right, it's nothing to be embarrassed about. I was open and honest about wanting to repeat the experience, and he's the one making it awkward now.

brave and authentic and to be applauded I like you @RebeccaRae

It really annoys me that women are made to feel there is something wrong with pursuing a man. You weren't creepy, or OTT or bunny boilerish. I've asked out a few men, and when I've been rejected, I view it as no big deal, better to ask and know the answer than spend ages trying to work out if they like you or not just to be disappointed in the end anyway having wasted far more emotional energy.

Don’t be embarrassed by any of it! The note was fine!
Just act disinterested if you see him again. If he ever acts interested again, brush him off. He has the problem and is being daft avoiding you - you are just being normal!