New(ish) partner, about 9 months. Is very sweet, kind and understanding and very patient with my 8 year old DD. Partner doesn't have kids.
Backstory is my ex and I have been separated for four years but until recently saw a fair amount of each other. He recently threatened me with violence and is now under an injunction so contact with DD is limited and via third parties. DD is obviously upset about this. By pure, unfortunate coincidence, this coincided roughly with the point where she was getting to know my new partner.
She has been a bit guarded with my new bf but is coming around to him. I have introduced him very slowly and tried not to go at a level she is not comfortable with. There have been stops and starts but I thought we were moving in the right direction and they seem to be becoming friends.
This morning after he had stayed over she "hid" a personal item of his as a prank. It was frustrating as it delayed him on his way into work. It was obviously a naughty thing to do and I was cross with her and made her apologise and have revoked screen privileges for a couple of days. I've since had a long chat with her about what happened and why she did it etc. Told her boyfriend is not going to replace dad and that dad will always be here for her etc, but that she is not allowed to do things like this and must treat him with respect. She admitted she wants mum and dad to get back together, likes new boyfriend but he's not her dad. All fairly understandable.
Boyfriend, who usually contacts me multiple times during the day, pointedly did not after this. I spoke to him on the phone and was superficially understanding and accepted all apologies given but it was very clear from his tone and lack of response he was very pissed off and when pressed on this he admitted it although said he had calmed down.
To be clear, he has never done anything which in any way crosses a line in his treatment of her and has been very patient and understanding about her sometimes unreasonable behaviour with him. I can't fault him on this. But I am upset that he is pissed off about something which, while clearly annoying and naughty is a) trivial in the scheme of things and b) obviously has been brought on by her confusion about things. I sensed, though he didn't say this in so many words, that he thought I should have been tougher in my treatment of her.
AIBU to feel upset that he couldn't see this? Or should I cut him some slack on this as he is otherwise doing his best and tried to keep his anger under wraps? Am I just overthinking the whole thing?