Sensitive post *Trigger warning added by MNHQ*

[xxEllxxbeexx]

Hi. This is my first time posting so pleaae bare with me. It is also quite graphic but I want to explain everything i can I'd really like as much help here as possible as I feel the past few days I've been in a very very dark place mentally and emotionally.

On 5th July this year I went out to a local pub. Sadly in the early hours of the 6rh July I was raped.
I was raped by a man I knew - a friend of my ex partner. My ex partner is my sons father and daughters step father and i hold a very good friendship with.
(Still have feelings for him but these have been irrelevant to my life since we split 2 years ago)

The night it happened was a normal night out with lots of local friends at a local pub. Fast forward to the end of the night, myself and my female friend were too impatient to wait for a taxi for the sake of a 5 minute walk home.. 3 lads who we knew walked us home - they were at the same pub and we knew them very well but wasn't on a night out with them. As a thankyou and as I knew them I invited them into my home where we continued socialising and chatting about normal things, enjoying our night.
I hadn't drank a massive amount of alcohol as I had a headache which I had been taking medication for all that day so around 12.45am on the 6th I decided to go to bed and asked my female best friend to lock up once everyone was gone. (I trusted everyone in my house)

The male who committed the assault is called 'T' FOR THE SAKE OF THIS POST.

T came upto my room and lay on my bed. (T is my ex's very good friend) and went on to say how nice it was to hear an ex partner speak so highly of the other ex. (Me speaking about his friend, my ex, father to my son) I went on to explain we didn't seperate on bad terms and he was a good father so I had nothing bad to say about him)
I explained around 3 times i was going to sleep as my head was pounding - in the hope he would leave my bedroom as he seemed to get abit comfy on my bed in a short space of time which I wasn't ok with but thought I was maybe irritable because of a headache so didn't want to seem rude asking him to get out. I wanted to be polite. Before I knew it he kissed me. I imediatley pulled away and explained I wasn't interested and it was wrong he did that. I also explained i was in no way attracted to him and I wanted him to leave my bedroom so I could sleep. With that i rolled over and drifted off to sleep.

I didn't look at the time so I am unaware of how long i drifted off for however I didn't feel like I had slept long when i was woken up to his fingers inside of me. I immediately asked him what he was doing and asked him to stop as this wasn't what i wanted. He persisted to kiss my face and neck and told me ' you know it feels good' and didn't stop. While doing this he was thrusting himself up my leg/side. I asked him again to stop to which he replied 'shhhhh your tjrning me on badly' and carried on kissing my neck and face. I felt numb and just lay there.
I told him I felt like I was going to orgasm and I didnt want to and asked him again to stop. I'm not sure why i felt like this because at the same time i felt limp and physically sick.
After around what felt like forever, realistically it lasted about 7 or 8 minutes.

I'm really ashamed to say i did orgasm but didn't know how to stop this as I couldn't physically move (he didn't restrain me my body just felt heavy and dead)

I was in bed in a body suit I had wore out that night with jeans and a jacket so the bodysuit poppers were undone by my vagina when he slid his fingers into me.
After he realised I had an orgasm he quickly climbed iver on top of me and slid his penis inside of me with alot of satisfaction.. Like i wasn't even in the room. I asked him 'T please dont do this, I've asked u to stop, please, I dont want this to happen' he replied sexually ' ahh yeah, yeah, and making sexual noises. I was totally numb and could barley feel my heart beating. This went on for around 10 minutes before i got up and shouted ' I SAID FUCKING NO' - im not sure where it came from, it's like my body went into auto mode and just did it. Seconds before i couldn't move I just had my fists clenched under my chin and felt numb.

With this I got my house coat and wrnt down stairs to realise my female friend and male friend were having a smooch on my sofa so I couldn't even speak to her. I had a cigarette and dreaded going back upstairs. But I did. I made that cigarette last as long as possible.

Now back upstairs I asked him to leave and get out of my house imediatley. He called a taxi which was a 20 minute wait. I got into my bed and wrapped myself into my covers as tight as I could and wondered if i was actually dreaming! I could hear him asking me not to tell anyone and not to tell my ex. I didn't respond to him. He went a short while later.

I woke up the next day and researched rape alot from the 6th July 2019 to now. I even contacted a rape line who took my number to call me back but never did.

I messaged him the same day (later on in the evening via instagram) and asked why he did it and that it wasn't ok and I wasn't happy with it. I explained I told him no atleast 50 times and that i felt powerless.

He replied telling me I was mad and blaming him for my regrets. The conversation went no further stand I instantly blocked him and have never herd from him since.
The same day 6th July 2019 I ordered an std online testing kit and sent my samples around a week and a half later - guide lines of time frame to wait after sex before swabs are taken.
I got my results arpund a week later and he gave me clamidia and gonorhea. I was on holiday in Devon with my children when i got the results so found the nearest sexual health clinic for help. They were amazing. The treated both infections there and then.
During the examination they asked some difficult questions where I totally broke down and told them what happened and gave them his name.

The did a propper examination and told me to seek more advice when im bk home as I was only there for a few days.
I have been home around 4 weeks now and I still don't know what to do.
I want to tell my ex more than anything but I am simply petrified.
I feel lile i dont want to go to the police as I'm petrified people will think im lying as T is a very well known man. I'm so so scared and feel in a very dark place.

Thankyou so much if u made it to the end of this post.

I will apriciate any advice. Xxx

Sorry this has happened to you OP. It happened to my daughter as well. We reported it to police. Nothing was done. So I did something instead. I met him in a parking lot with my baseball bat. Wont give any details. Hopefully he wont do it again to anyone else. This is not your fault. He raped you. Do NOT feel ashamed OP. He should be named and shamed so he doesn't do this to anyone else too!

@flatulencebythebuvket I can assure you they platonic friendships Absolutley do exist! I've had MANY for almost 30 years. In this case one was just a total scumbag. This was NOT a case of going out drinking and having blokes back at my house so how dare you insinuate this was some way of me asking to be raped.

I had been suffering quite a bad headache all day and didn't drink alot at all I had 3 or 4 drinks all of which I probably drank around half of each glass.

Thankyou for your comment

@shootyourlocalmethdealer thankyou for your reply. I'm so sorry your daughter experienced this and I hope shes made a full recovery and has her happy ending. I'm so glad you dealt with the scum who did this to her and I truly hope he is never able to use his manhood again.

I have decided to speak to a professional about my next steps xx

xxEllxxbeexx I am so sorry this happened. Like others, please do what you feel is best for you.

Whether you decided to tell your ex, friends, family, the police, is totally up to you but please do seek some professional help.

For the record, I reported flatulencebthebuvket's post. I'm sorry it was too late and you have seen it, OP.

I don't know what to say but I wish you the best and hope things work out for you.

OP, none of this is your doing.
Your body's response as has been said was just an automatic physical response to pressure.
You are not responsible for others violating your person, that choice is on them.
Follow up the professional support services next if you can.

I have lots of male friends that I've never slept with and even if it did cross the line, I'd still expect no to mean no.

The OP has stated a group were invited in so it's not like they'd been flirting all night, she took him back and he thought he was on a promise. Even in those circumstances no means no.

OP I am so sorry you have been taken advantage of in this way, I hope you find your next steps, your inner warrior is already coming out. As for the orgasm it's a natural response, like how we'd wet ourselves when enough pressure is applied to the bladder, doesn't mean your body wanted it in the slightest x

Fuck off with your victim blaming flatulencebythebucket. It wouldn’t have mattered if OP was dancing naked on a fucking table, no man has the right to rape a woman.

Thankyou all for taking the time to reply and being supportive. I'm not going to rise now to the silly comment and lack of support from the person above!

Yes the grouo were invited back as they had walked us home. We know the grouo very very well and have mixed with these lads for arpund 17 years so we knew and trusted them very well. There was no flirting though 1 lad and my female best friend have history so I kinds had a feeling that may repeat it's self but as for anything else there was no flirting what so ever. Even after he kissed me I pulled away and made it very clear it was wrong and I was not interested in anything like that with him or anyone else.

Thankyou again for your replies I will seek professional help hopefully tomorrow xx

I haven't suffered in this awful way and cannot imagine the hell of it. So no useful advice from me except to do what you seem to have already done - trust the professionals. I am thinking of you O.P.

The point is you said NO and he ignored that. Re: orgasm, a woman or anyone could stimulate a man or boy completely against his will and he ejaculates....,doesn't mean he wants it. Rape is rape if the victim said NO.

I was sexually assaulted as a young teen by a man I didn’t know, he was an opportunist with a history known to the police as it turns out.

My advice is this, no matter what you decide to do externally about it ie. going to the police, pressing charges, telling people or not. This is your own choice and choices, and you must do what you feel and think is right for you.

This is not the whole battle though. After you have spoken to the police and friends and been to court... these things do not really change how you feel on the inside, you think they will and perhaps to some extent they do. You’ll get a certain amount of validation externally but then you understand that you still feel bad. The real work is done in the inside of you. The real work is about validating yourself. When you forgive yourself. When you realise it was them that had the issue and you were just in the wrong place at the wrong time. That it wasn’t personal. That it could have happened to anyone.

And when you truly, truly believe that. It’s over.

x

So very sorry this happened to you, this guy is disgusting. Have you reached out to any family members who can give you support. The jerk raped you and deserves to be handled by the police.

I'm so sorry for what you've been through.

I'm really ashamed to say i did orgasm but didn't know how to stop this

This is very, very common (women and men) and nothing for you to feel ashamed about. It's an involuntary physiological response you have absolutely zero control over.

@avamiah I find your post highly offensive.

I'm sorry for your ordeal @Nat6999 . I also have PTSD from my rape.

I just want to add a cautionary tale about reporting though. My DD had just turned 16 when she was raped. She reported it to a teacher the next morning, the examination showed clear evidence of "forceful intercourses" including vaginal damage. Rapist was charged, DD had social worker, teacher and others supporting her in court. Rapist walked free. He's so lucky I don't know what he looks like.

It's three years since and the pain is clearly etched on her face, she too has PTSD from her ordeal.

Sorry this has happened to you, the female body is a complex system and orgasm during rape is very common. It certainly doesn't in any way mean you asked for it or wanted it. Apparently our sexuality has two different dimentions which without going into it basically means our brains can say no we don't desire it at the same time as our vaginas say yes.

Its also a protective mechanism and your body will self-protect by providing adequate lubrication to prevent pain etc.rather than as a response to exitement. Altogether it works to create one brilliant headfuck but its clear and proven that despite these responses that may suggest consent, they can and do exist without it and its perfectly normal to have felt pleasure while not consenting to what was taking place.

While you should take some time to think things through on a personal level and talk over with those close I would echo those that have advised not to go to the police. Its a common automatic responce but the reality will carry with it a load more shit. It'll eat away at you being told theres nothing they can do and will only serve to hand more power to the man who did this, at your expense. Obviously if he's willing to admit he raped you and confess in a police interview then by all means pursue it, otherwise i'd be reluctant to go that route.

Hope you managed to get some sleep and can contact Rape Crisis today for some support or another agency. So sorry this happened to you.

Hi I'm so sorry that happened to you. I agree with speaking to rape crisis and trying to get some counselling. This is My own less serious experience but ive always felt asahmed of the way i reacted. I was 17 I had been out for the night and slept over at a friend's house who had his own flat I went to bed on his pull out sofa alone I woke the next morning in pain and felt fingers inside me. I was very confused when I opened my eyes I just lay there ( he was behind me ) i moved a bit and he stopped and pretended to be asleep. I was so shocked it was my friend ( he was a fairly quiet , gentle person , suffered from depression and was quiet vulnerable) I just said nothing I just lay there then got up found my belongings and just walked out of the house. He just lay there with his eyes closed. I told my best friend at the time and that's it. I do still think about it as I don't really know what happened, how long it went on and most Importantly to me why I found it very hard as generally we were good friends ( maybe you feel the same way if you considered him your friend ? ) I am ashamed of my reaction and don't know why I did that. Only you can decide about the police but personally I wouldn't. The same with telling friends / the ex I think you unfortunately need to be prepared that some people will believe his story, his girlfriend may believe him and blame you , you say he's a well known guy , could you cope with the potential talking about you , gossiping ECT. I think in and ideal world we should all report every time something like this happens but we don't live in an ideal world, the justice system isnt ideal and we live in a world were lots of people still blame the victim. Good luck and i hope you find peace with what ever decision you decide to take.

For all the posters who have experienced trauma - I am so sorry for you.

I have not had EDMR (Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing) but I have heard great things about it. It is available on the NHS.

I really hope all who have experienced trauma will seek out the help they need.

OP I wonder if counselling can help you resolve whether to report him or not. It may be that getting a conviction is very hard and people may not believe you, but you may feel in some way it helps you. Only you know what will be best for you.

It seems very unlikely he will tell your ex but it just seems you value your ex so much and still want to be in a relationship with him, I hate the idea this evil bastard has the knowledge of what happened.

You kept what you were wearing maybe you did feel it was significant to keep evidence. I think it would help to talk all this through with a professional.

I cross posted with you last night when you said you were going to do that and I am so pleased you are going to seek help.

Thankyou all so much for ypur reply I have read them all..

I am going to seek professional help this week.

@italiangreyhound - yes i do value my ex alot and is love nothing more than for us to work as a couple but we simply didn't. It's a hard one but we get on so well as friends i wpuldnt what to jeperdise what we have for the sake of trying again with him. We are both happy how we are and he is a fantastic dad and brilliant support for me with the children

Thankyou all again for your comments and I'm so sorry for those that have faced simlar experiences xx

You have the jumpsuit still? If you wanted to report they can check it for his DNA.
This is horrific OP, it sounds like you and your ex have a fantastic relationship and you trust him. I would speak with him as no doubt he may have already realised something is wrong as you maybe acting differently.

I would like to point out that YOU are innocent. YOU did nothing wrong.
Please remember that don't go placing any blame on yourself. HE is in the wrong and you need to be able to talk to someone. Xx

@kko1986 thankyou for your reply. Fortunately I am very good as putting on a brave face and keeping to normality for my children's sake. We have a brilliant relationship but he is very good friends with T So i know it would cause a massive confrontation as I doubt he wpuld control his anger on this occasion. Though I've never ever seen him angry!! - i spoke with someone online last night a support agent and they have given me details in the right direction. I honestly don't feel like I can bring myself to tell him or my family. I cant put them through the memtal images or thoughts of it. It would break my heart x

As a result of reading your thread last night I ended up ringing Rape Crisis just so I could talking something through with someone, so thank you @xxEllxxbeexx for sharing your experience.

I hope you manage to find the support you need.