what happens after sex?

[Pukkaupp]

For anyone in a LTR +10 years - I’m interested to know what happens between you after sex? Do you get lovely words from your OH? Is there laughter and romance or is it a quickie, no reference to it for the rest of the day and just get on with a normal day? I’m asking as I feel that I need some sort of verbal reassurance/loveliness/romance/intimacy after DTD. Is that unreasonable? Just wondering what others norm is?

Is he affectionate outside of the bedroom OP? Sounds like you need more love

What would you like OP, that’s the main thing. Ask him, tell him, show him.

DP thanked me after sex the other day, makes me feel like I have provided a service! I’ve told him not to say it again 😝.

Currently TTC and prone to uti so after 10 minutes of legs up in the air I’m off to force out a wee and get in the shower.

We laugh about it but in all honesty I hate how unsexy it all is.

My H has told me multiple times that doesn’t find me attractive after 2 babies, so that’s that then.

Why on earth are you still with this cruel bastard?

It kind of depends. Been together 20 years.

Sometimes we have a wrestle to try and push the other into the wet patch.

Sometimes I just say thanks for that lad and roll over and go to sleep.

Sometimes he'll go make me a cuppa and some toast.

Sometimes he does to the lovey dovey and stroke my back.

I know many of the answers are lighthearted but you say you've had a rocky patch and you sound unhappy. I don't think it's asking a lot to have a hug or bit daft chat after sex. I can see why you feel how you do and it's easy to feel a bit used if there's no kind of banter or romance afterwards on a regular basis.

I don't mind my husband rolling off me and going to sleep sometimes because the rest of our relationship has affection and intimacy and chat, and he always makes sure I'm satisfied, even the times we've had a drought due to illness or stress, we've always been close and affectionate in day to day life and looking back, the times we have gotten back into a routine after a dry spell I'd cuddles and spooning did happen more.

If the dry spell was because you went off sex for whatever reason and you're trying to get that spark back I don't think wanting the closeness and intimacy to end the minute he ejaculates is unreasonable and if you're bother working at it then you should tell him what you need to feel close and in the mood.

We have a cuddle, there’s not usually much in the way of conversation as DP falls asleep almost instantly, I pop to the bathroom for a pee and then come back to bed, at which point DP will insist he’s awake and needs his back tickling to send him back to sleep the cheeky fucker He usually manages to mumble that he loves me before dropping off to sleep again.

One of us may make reference to it in a saucy text later that day, and he will usually remind me of it the next evening “ooh do you remember that thing you did last night? That was amazing. Shall we do it again?”

If you want reassurance then maybe try the text/review of the previous nights proceedings?! I’m sure he’ll be receptive to either of those.

Haven’t been together as long as that but still a very long time

I go to the loo, DP cleans himself up. I go back and we cuddle then sleep/get up

Can’t believe how many people say thank you after sex if DP thanked me for having sex with him I’d be creeped out! I’m not doing him a favour..

It's definitely not too much to ask for to have some kind of intimate moment afterwards, whether it's touching or words.

Also I would go as far as saying that the sex isn't working in rekindling any real bond between you if you aren't noticing any nicer affectionate, loving or even fun moments together during the day as a result of having sex again.

I have sympathy OP as I get nothing. No cuddles, no talking, nothing, we’ve even been to counselling about the lack of effort on his part for a lot of things. Tried talking to him but it’s like trying to catch water in a sieve- after a while you give up. It’s had a big impact on how I feel about myself and my attractiveness.

A cuddle and a chat if we’ve time, if there’s not time a quick cuddle. It would feel weird without the cuddle after.

Loo, cuddle, sleep

But it doesn’t really matter what anyone else wants or needs - it’s ok to talk to your partner about whether there could be more affection after sex

Is there affection at other times?

Been tricky this past few years due to much ill health and surgeries and DP adjusting to being blind. But we cuddle after, DP loves a back stroke then we fall asleep!

I hold the person l am with (after a wee!), for half hour or so, then get on with the day.

I always think this “bedtime sex” is overrated and can turn into a habit before going to sleep. Making time during the day on a weekend or a day off can be so much nicer.

We sleep in separate rooms, so if its at night he says “Your taxi is here” (standing joke) and I retire to my (clean) bed leaving him with the skanky sheets. Occasionally he may have visited my bed but I prefer to keep my sheets clean so it is usually his.
There’s usually a “love you” in there too.
We can’t sleep together as I have a parasomnia and he is also a light sleeper with a driving based job so we have to sleep separately for our own safety.

If its daytime then usually nothing said at all we just get on with the day.

“I always think this “bedtime sex” is overrated and can turn into a habit before going to sleep. Making time during the day on a weekend or a day off can be so much nicer.”

Chance would be a fine thing. I have a small child.

@HerSymphonyAndSong Many of us have been there. Early evening after their bedtime?

Erm, thanks for your help but we manage just fine. I was making the point that it’s all very well encouraging people to have carefree daytime sex instead of boring old bedtime sex but not all of us manage it at every stage of life, so your comment felt a bit smug and patronising

HerSymphonyAndSong

I think you've gone on the defensive there, she wasn't being patronising.

I can't remember because he keeps sleeping on the sofa

Really? It felt like those of us who only currently manage bedtime sex must clearly be having a boring time just out of habit. But clearly I’m over sensitive.

OP, I think two things strike me about yours post.
One is the lack of communication. Either you haven’t told DH you want and need cuddles after sex, or you have and he ignores it and is not communicating the reasons why he won’t comply.
Trying to get your marriage back on track without communicating is flogging a dead horse.
Secondly, it sounds like there isn’t enough (any?) affection, intimacy, cuddles, fun, during the rest of the time either.
If you feel that you are just being used for sex and not loved or appreciated, then this needs to be discussed. If it can’t be sorted, then you need to think whether this relationship is at the end of the road.

We usually cuddle for a bit and high five each other. I agree you either need to manage your expectations or try and communicate more outside of the bedroom (or wherever you have sex).

I've just got rid of an OH who insisted we leaped immediately from the bed (so as not to make a mess) and cleaned up, and would then lie as far away as possible (he was 'too hot' to cuddle). For eight years.

I told him I felt like I was a prostitute he'd employed for the evening. It made no difference. But then he didn't cuddle or hug in day to day life either.

Same as a previous poster. He gets up grand a towel, cleans himself then will Chuck it at me.

Then we have a cuddle.

I also have this thing were I say one more minute before we get up. He knows this important to me so does it.

He goes to the loo, gets rid of condom has wash. Then I go to the loo, then if it's night time go to sleep or morning he goes and makes me a cuppa.
We do bum squeezes, cheeky winks, quick snog in the kitchen when kids are occupied in another room etc everyday regardless of when we last had sex.
We've been together nearly 20yrs.