Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Online dating profile - what should I think?

62 replies

PennyPitStop19 · 18/08/2019 20:15

My husband and I have been separated for over a year. We have been intimate once since he moved out. He has made passes at me since including attempts to sext. He said that he would never sleep with anyone else whilst still technically married to me. I have found out he has an online dating profile. What would you think?

OP posts:
Equalityumber · 18/08/2019 20:29

Does it matter? You’re separated so unless you want to reconcile I’m not sure what the problem is.

koffeetoast · 18/08/2019 20:33

He may not sleep with someone else since you (perhaps) are willing to, but there is nothing wrong with him wanting to date other people since you are separating

category12 · 18/08/2019 20:42

I'd think that he's dating. Seems open and shut. Not sure what's difficult to understand about it.

BlackberryBeret · 18/08/2019 21:49

Well if you have separated, you have separated.

You relationship is over. Why shouldn't he date? why shouldn't you date?

Why do you ask "what should I think?". What is your concern?

Original poster
PennyPitStop19 · 18/08/2019 22:28

My concern is that he is still
Interested in me physically and claims to not be involved with anyone.

OP posts:
PumpkinP · 18/08/2019 22:35

People lie, how did you find out?? WAS you on there yourself?

BlackberryBeret · 18/08/2019 22:44

concern is that he is still
Interested in me physically and claims to not be involved with anyone.

Are you kidding? How old are you? Have you met many men?

Men like having sex. Plenty of them will say anything to get it. The quickest and easiest way to get sex it to tap up an old source - ie. the most recent ex.

Surely you remember that from your dating days? The ex who reappears inexplicably months later with a "was just thinking about you" and a pack of lies?

Coffee for sniffing on aisle five >>>

Original poster
PennyPitStop19 · 18/08/2019 23:06

BlackberryBeret- thanks I believe I am hugely naive yes. I suppose I hoped there was some true feeling behind it or desire for me personally. Obviously this is naive. I do t understand the coffee joke either so
I am obviously pretty dim.

OP posts:
Original poster
PennyPitStop19 · 18/08/2019 23:07

Oh yes “ Wake up Penny”.

OP posts:
SlightlyMisplacedSingleDad · 18/08/2019 23:22

You're separated. You've not said anything about you trying, or even wanting, to get back together. So what's the deal? You want him to hold on, sworn to hold true to a noble yearning, in the desperate hope that one day you'll want him back?

That may be good for your ego, but it's not really how things work after you've separated.

You've separated. It's over. Let him go.

Myothernameistakenbysomeone · 18/08/2019 23:28

He's not interested in you...... he's interested in keeping you sweet so he's got somewhere to stick his dick!
Cut all contact and tell him to get lost!
He's on a dating site so I'm sure he'll be getting his end away elsewhere..... I'd get tested too if I was you.....
Oh and stop stalking him online 👍🏼

Original poster
PennyPitStop19 · 18/08/2019 23:31

This is not really fair as it’s not that I’m not letting him go it’s that he seems to want to keep sleeping together when he wants and he is free to date and I am unable to meet anyone else as I have young children one with SN and he is confusing me and muddying the waters. I’m just trying to understand what he really feels and if he is just trying to Tap an old source as has been suggested or might miss me and really want to reconcile.

OP posts:
Original poster
PennyPitStop19 · 18/08/2019 23:32

I’m not stalking him online.

OP posts:
PumpkinP · 19/08/2019 00:18

It’s obvious what he wants with him being on the dating website, he will drop you as soon as he meets someone better

Scattyhattie · 19/08/2019 00:25

I think if he wanted to reconcile he'd be discussing & making effort to do that, rather than it be about sex.
I agree with PP's that he knows what to say to keep you an option in the mean time & if told you he is dating then you'd likely not want to carry on this arrangement. You can't really move on with your life by staying in limbo.

AskEvans · 19/08/2019 00:47

It doesn't sound like he wants to reconcile, no.
Sometimes we can delude ourselves about someone's motives when we are really keen to be with them.
You were an easy target i expect when he had sex with you.
It's usually pretty obvious when men are keen for more than that and when they're not.

LittleMy20 · 19/08/2019 08:12

His attitude seems to be “ we never had a problem in our sex life” ( so that may as well continue 😳). Also “ I’m so lonely and haven’t had sex in so long”. It really hurts that it’s about sex when my life is very hard for me at the moment. I thought perhaps stupidly that he wanted to be close because perhaps he missed me . Our situation is impossible for me at the moment in terms of him seeing the children and it’s a case of all of those bother with few benefits of being separated as I never get a break and he is still a huge presence in my life that I need to manage. I am so depressed that it’s just about sex for him -how f***g crass is that?

LittleMy20 · 19/08/2019 08:12

Sorry change of username

sheshootssheimplores · 19/08/2019 08:15

Well he’s having his cake and eating it isn’t he? He can now out of the family slog but still have sex with you. What man would t say yes to that!!

sheshootssheimplores · 19/08/2019 08:15

*bow

ShatnersWig · 19/08/2019 08:18

he is confusing me and muddying the waters

No, YOU are allowing him to do this. It's entirely down to you.

LittleMy20 · 19/08/2019 08:32

I don’t know what to do. I’m very very depressed and finding life a real struggle. I feel utterly disillusioned with relationships- that I could have this marriage- these children and mean so little to someone- that the love was so paper thin.

LittleMy20 · 19/08/2019 08:32

I feel disgusted by men.

ShatnersWig · 19/08/2019 08:36

I feel disgusted by men

Why? This is about your husband. All men are not your husband. If life is very hard for you at the moment, and you're depressed (I assume you've seen your GP about that), then messing around with your soon-to-be-ex husband isn't going to help matters.

LittleMy20 · 19/08/2019 08:44

No point seeing my gp- I don’t want to take antidepressants as I’ve tried a few in the past and they don’t help me. I don’t want counselling from some 25 year old who knows nothing about my life or a 50 year old who will charge me hundreds of pounds a session . I’m depressed because life is relentless with my child with asd and toddler. My stbx can’t handle them both safely alone as my son is very challenging and my toddler very lively and he doesn’t have a suitable home to have them on so he visits and I do all the work and I have to go out to get a break which means I don’t get one and I have him in my home and it’s confusing. I feel hopeless about he future and have very dark thoughts. I am so lonely but my son with asd cannot be left with anyone else ( I’ve tried) and is so possessive of me and so difficult in his behaviour that there is no chance of any other romantic relationships for me. I am so depressed that this so about sex for him when I hardly even feel human let alone “ sexy”. I am utterly bored of sex and the puerile nature of what I have come to see it as.