Need to calm down and think straight

[AmInShockNeedHelp]

I've been on this website for about 6 months on and off under different user names because I don't want out myself. I know people on here.

For the past 8 months I been thinking that my DH is acting weird etc. I've torn my house upside down looking for evidence for an affair as it all looked that way, but found nothing.

My DH has a toiletry bag that he uses when he goes away on business. I've looked though it loads of times to see if he was stupid enough to leave condoms in there etc. Nothing.

Today I was on the toilet (TMI sorry) and his toilet bag was on the floor. It feel off the shelf as my DC1 has a cold and he had a bath and he generally leaves towels and other mess around. He has knocked the bag off the shelf. Anyway, Looked through it and even went one step further emptying bottles of dry stuff to see if anything inside or at the bottom.

He has a massive Smint box that he has had for ages. I emptied it and then looked closer at the Smints. I've looked at this before and just thought he had mixed 2 different packets together. I looked closer this time and there are numerous (actually 26 in total) diamond shaped blue ones. You know where I am going with this. One side says Pfizer and the other says V50. A quick google confirmed my worst fears.

I am not sitting here angry, I'm calm and actually laughing. WTF do I do now? I am really edging to get on the phone to my family and tell them.

Advice.

Could be a long shot but could he be having erection trouble hence needing these and also not going near you?

I'd say, I'm passing, 'Oh your Smints fell out of your bag and DC decided they were his. Sorry, I'll get you some more.'

😈

I like your thinking!

I'm so sorry OP.
I'm with the others though.
Count them.
Keep a note of the count in your phone as your brain won't be functioning properly right now.
Then count them again when he gets back.

Play it cool.
While he is away really think about what you want for your future.
You now have your 'proof' which so many of us need.
So think about your next steps.

I wish I had confided in someone when I found out but I kept it all to myself and it was a horrible burden to bare.
I have no idea why I kept his dirty secret.
I think I just didn't anyone to think badly of him in case I decided to try to keep the marriage going.

Do you have a non-judgey friend who you could confide in?
Honestly, if you can talk to someone in real life it really really helps so so much.

I'd advise you get to a solicitor as well while he is away.
Understand what separation would look like for you and your DC.

But for now please look after yourself.
If you can't eat then sugary tea will help.
Sit down with a cup and try to remain calm.
The panic will hit soon enough and we are all here to help you through it!

I've suspected for months:

Out more, even staying out over night
Changed appearance
Talks to me with contempt
Not interested in family life

And now

Viagra, hidden in a tin.

I really do not see how this can be possibly explained away TBH.

I'd say, in passing, 'Oh your Smints fell out of your bag and DC decided they were his. Sorry, I'll get you some more.'
Oooohhhh... I like that too!
Watch the panic on his face as he tries to wrack his brain to come up with a reason why your DS can't have 'sweets'

Just remove all of the viagra. See how long it takes him to say something/replace them.

I'm so sorry OP I would count them and wait too, irrefutable evidence that he can't gaslight his way out of.

Take them out so he's left with none

Or leave the smints in there and take the viagra.

Take out the viagra, give the smints to DC, and make sure "d"H sees him with them.

Stay Calm, Count the Viagra. When he's away start to gather information about all your joint assets, including pensions.

Count the Viagra when he comes back and then make your decision.

Remove them all. Leave the mints so it sounds the same.
Hopefully he won't realise until he really needs one....
Priceless imo.

Aminshock - I don’t think you need anymore evidence do you.
🌺

No

You don’t need proof to end your marriage. If you are unhappy you can end it.

Take the smints out of his bag and bin them. If he asks say your ds took them. Any ideas who he may be shagging? If you do confront him just ensure you are safe and you have a big enough cashflow if he leaves. We are all here for you. 🌷

Bloody good idea about counting and recounting. Wouldn’t even have thought to do this!!!!!

Although it's tempting to suggest doing something a bit crafty and clever such substituting the viagra for some blue sweets, I think the time to be passive aggressive and doormat-like is passed.

Show him. You know. Tell him you know.

Just remove all of the viagra. See how long it takes him to say something/replace them.

If he thinks he's been found out he's not likely to hide them in the same place again is he.

Oh bugger.

Here for you lass.

I know you're in shock. Can you hold it together enough fur the next two days until he's away, then use that time to get the finances and home in order.

First things first.

1- Stop. Breathe
2- take photos and count them
3- let him go abroad and do what he wants - it's over - whether he is using them or not you don't need evidence to end an unhappy marriage just end it.
4- while he is away be smart!!! Collect info you need - accounts, pensions etc etc

Use this time wisely - take a step back. Exacting revenge is one thing but in the long term what will matter is getting your ducks in a row and being savvy. Good luck OP

Great advice from @MirrorHope.

Echo what MirrorHope says - use the time that he is away to get copies of paperwork, pay slips, pension statements and so on. See a solicitor and get yourself organised - then when he comes back you can decide whether you want to stay married to him or not.

How old I your child? You may have a child protection issue.

@SirGawain fair point.

Ok OP... if you don't want to wait, walk downstairs with the empty tin in your hand and say "hope you don't mind, I had a craving for mints, but I'll replace them"

See how he reacts then