Hi I posted this on 'mental health' but been suggested to put it on here for advice from people could help more? Or that have been in the same situation
This is a hard and long one.
Basically I've been with my now husband for five years. Married for 2. We have a and one and half year old and he's the absolute love of my life he's the best thing in my world.
Since we've been together it's always been rocky. He's always been mean and controlling. I have no friends. I had to leave my bestfriend she was more a sister I can't tell you how many nights I cried as it felt like I was grieving. I've had numerous arguments with my mum and sister since me and my husband have been together. (Me,my sister and mum are like best friends we are all super close). He hates my mum I think it's because she tells him straight and doesn't like the way he treats me and the things he says to me.
When we row he calls me the most hurtful names that I'm fat, disgusting, a dumb C word. He laughs at how much of a failure I am and how if I died everyone would be better off. He says that I'm being horribke so I deserve it. I mean I'm not perfect, who is but I do not deserve the things he says to me. Tonight we rowed because I was wearing Colette's and a vest top. I purposely wear Colette's so he can't moan they are too tight fitting. He said I was showing my bum off and my boobs. I WAS CHANGING MY BABIES POOEY NAPPY.
If his friends come round I don't look at them or get into convos as I'm afraid I'll get accused of flirting. I used to wear makeup I'm not aloud to anymore because 'I shouldn't care what people think'. When really I think he just don't like me wearing. He wishes my mum and family dead. Says that I'm scum and a rubbish mum. When I'm not. I cook, I clean, my baby is always fed always happy not in the slightest neglected he's my world I just wouldn't dare he gets the best of everything. The other day we had two slices of bread left and a out of date bagel. My bubs had the bread for toast for breakfast and obviously I had the bagel, I always put him before me. Since he's been born I've been without him 4 hours as I'm not aloud out without either baby or my husband as he don't trust me. I can't even go for lunch with my mum. He can go out whenever he wants for as long as he wants. I've been with him since I was 16, I'm not 21 and it's now getting to the point where I'm struggling to be around him without recanting him. I love him of course I do I wouldn't still be here if I didn't. But I'm starting to hate myself. I have severe eczema which I struggle with and he picks on me when we row and says my skin is disgusting and I'm fat. He then apologises and says he feels bad and like a mug I forgive him. I feel so alone.
If I leave him he said he will take me to court over custody of my baby. His parents will do anything for him and will pay anything for him so he's saying he will move back in with his parents and get everything for our son and I won't be able to even afford food because I have no one supporting me. He said if I get put in a hostel for emergency accommodation he won't let me have my baby as it's not safe. My mum is not in a good financial situation to help me she is also disabled so I wouldn't be able o stay with her or rely on her financially. It was my my Nan and grandads 50th wedding anniversary and I wasn't even aloud to go because he doesn't like my family. I cook, I clean, I feed him and my baby,I do everything and he sits there because he works 6 hours a day and he 'provides' he takes all of my benefits which are in my name I don't have any money to spend if I needed it.
I need advice, I don't want my baby to be taken away I won't be able to live. Do I leave or make it work? How will I survive without his financial help? Anyone?
Sorry for the long message I just felt like I needed to get the whole picture out