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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Aibu to walk away now because of this?

82 replies

Kegaltime · 13/08/2019 02:38

Im new here, but not really as I’ve often used mn for advice, weight loss etc. I’m 39, divorced a year now after 11 years married so this is all new to me and recently met a guy (3 months) on OLD, also divorced, he is late 40s with 2 daughters, 18 and 21. Things are getting more serious, spent the whole weekend together and he’s said he loves me and I think I’m feeling the same. I had a bad marriage, some DV, Liar and gaslighter, and am at the stage where I’d just like a straight forward relationship with someone I can trust.
On Sunday night, shortly before he left mine, he’d taken a really unflattering photo of me earlier and I had asked him to delete, at first he joked and said he would keep it forever, but could see I was embarrassed so said he would but he’d do it later, and he didn’t. He was in the loo so I decided to delete it myself, he’s let me use his phone camera before, and send messages when my phone wasn’t handy, so didn’t think it was a problem quickly deleting a picture of me. In his camera roll he’s got 100s of pictures of nude girls, they are all like nude selfies, not models, just women and girls in their bedrooms, at work, in cars, showing their fanjos, boobs, bums, and I say girls because lots were 18, they had captions on all the photos, like 18 and here’s my pussy, etc.
I don’t really have a problem with porn use, well I didn’t, I know my xh used it but It didn’t bother me because it kept him busy and away from me. But this feels different, his own daughters are the age of some of these pictures and I can’t help now but feel there’s something not right about it and he’s not someone I’d want to go any further with. Am I overreacting? Is this just normal for men now? I don’t feel jealous, just kind of sick.

OP posts:
Takemebacktolondon · 15/08/2019 13:04

Porn is so accessible on the internet that I don’t see why he would need hundreds of photos on his camera roll.

billy1966 · 15/08/2019 13:14

Good call OP.

Very creepy, especially as you have teenage DD's.

I certainly wouldn't want him around them.

MargoLovebutter · 15/08/2019 13:22

A man with two young adult daughters and a whole load of explicit photos on his phone of women / girls of the same age would make me really uncomfortable.

I'd also be really uncomfortable with him not deleting the unflattering photo of me too, as that shows a casual disregard for my feelings and a total disregard of a very simple request.

I'd also be concerned that I didn't trust him enough to delete the photo of me.

All in all, he'd creep me out big time. I think you know this too OP, otherwise you wouldn't have posted. Time to move on!

Pinkmonkeybird · 15/08/2019 15:27

Good on you for ending it OP.

My DD is a teenager and I'd feel sick if someone I was seeing had a penchant for teen porn...whether they are 18 or not, they are still young girls and as you say, too close to having not long left school. The porn industry is hideous and exploitative, so it would be a deal breaker big time for me.

TimeForNewStart · 15/08/2019 15:40

If you meet up with him on Friday I bet he’ll be able to talk you round.

Also, why didn’t he delete your photo straight away? That see,s odd to me.

Whatisthisfuckery · 15/08/2019 16:01

Good decision OP. I wonder what the creepy fucker would think if it was his DDs some pervy old bastard was wanking over?

HarryBlackberry1 · 15/08/2019 16:32

He sounds disgusting. Looks like you've dodged a bullet.

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