Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

1 2

Original poster

Who was to blame

29 replies

sandgrown · 12/08/2019 09:36

Last night DP and I went to a comedy night with friends . Friends picked us job. We had a lovely evening. When we got home we realised neither of us had a doorkey and teenage DS had gone out !
DP went into meltdown even though in my eyes we were both at fault for not checking we had keys. Apparently there is no way it was his fault because
A I was the last to step out of the house and should have checked. There was no need to lock the door as DS was home and I didn't need car keys.
B DS should have rung us and checked we had keys before he went out . Our phones were on silent throughout the show and DS would expect two responsible adults to have a key !
C It could not be DP' s fault as he had been so busy cooking dinner and washing up he never thought to check . DP had cooked dinner for the first time in six weeks and I had washed all but one dish that was soaking .
Lovely friends , who studiously ignored DP' s rant, drove us to pick up DS (only 5 minutes away) and the situation was resolved. Who was to blame?

OP posts:

happystory · 12/08/2019 09:39

Had drink been taken? Sounds like a total over reaction on his part.

Herocomplex · 12/08/2019 09:42

It happens to everyone occasionally doesn’t it? You’re adults, you should always take your keys out.
Does he think you’re irresponsible? Do you think he overreacts?

Pinkbonbon · 12/08/2019 09:43

Both equally to blame. You are both adults and should have both checked you had keys before you left. Is this need to blame you or others for his own mistakes a common occurrence? Because its a bit worrying.

snitzelvoncrumb · 12/08/2019 09:44

You both were.

ShhhBeQuiet · 12/08/2019 09:46

You must know you were both equally to blame? You husband is being unkind.

Bigmango · 12/08/2019 09:46

Last one out should double check they or other has keys. But when it does happen (and it does) no point getting angry about it. Neighbour has a set for exactly this reason.

Wellmet · 12/08/2019 09:48

You were both to blame. But for ruining the night by being angry, he's to blame.

Seaweed42 · 12/08/2019 09:48

The key thing was 50:50 but he just blamed you 100%.

Skittlenommer · 12/08/2019 09:50

Both of you are to blame for not taking a key but you DH sounds like a bad tempered knob and has completely embarrassed himself!

My DH I laughed our asses off when it happened to us and we had to break in through a window!!

ScatteredMama82 · 12/08/2019 09:51

Eh? It was an accident, easily resolved. Does your DH usually look to 'blame' when things go wrong? If something like that happened to us we'd both probably say to each other 'sorry, should have checked' 'well, I didn't check either so no worries'.

Seaweed42 · 12/08/2019 09:51

Also he resented being forced to cook a dinner because cooking dinners and checking for keys is your job because you are the Mummy.

ImNotYourGranny · 12/08/2019 09:54

Nobody is too blame. It's just a minor, easily resolved hiccup.

hellsbellsmelons · 12/08/2019 09:56

Both of you are to blame here.
You should have checked with each other.
Is this a regular occurrence?
If not then just tell him to stop blaming you and to take 50% of the blame and move on.
If it happens regularly then get yourselves a lock-box for spare keys.
MAKES LIFE MUCH EASIER

Skittlenommer · 12/08/2019 09:56

Nobody is too blame. It's just a minor, easily resolved hiccup.

Agreed! But her DP’s reaction was absolutely hideous!

Original poster

sandgrown · 12/08/2019 10:04

He had been drinking but to be honest he always seeks to blame somebody else. He used to be able to laugh at silly mistakes but sadly no more. I just think we were equally to blame but it was a total over reaction. Thanks for your responses.

OP posts:

TixieLix · 12/08/2019 10:05

I wouldn't say anyone was to blame. It was just one of those things where you both forgot to take keys and didn't check with each other. It happens. However, your husband was a complete knob to blame you and then try and justify his 'innocence' with nonsense reasons. I'm glad you had nice friends who ignored the rant and helped you out by collecting your DS.

KUGA · 12/08/2019 10:12

Both to blame.
You are both adults after all.
But all that being said,it isn`t worth blaming each other or arguing about either.
And I bet you check your son takes his when he goes out.

Idontwanttotalk · 12/08/2019 10:17

Both to blame. Both of you should have ensured you had your keys when you left. Your DP blaming you is hilarious - I'd race ahead of him every time so I could blame him.

Thornhill58 · 12/08/2019 10:17

Why blame? None of you were driving so easily done. It happens but I can see that what annoys you is he blamed you for it when both of you had equal opportunity to take keys.
You could have had 2 sets of keys, one key or none all possible scenarios.

Shoxfordian · 12/08/2019 10:20

Its just a simple misunderstanding but your dh sounds like a knob

Original poster

sandgrown · 13/08/2019 07:18

DP has made no.mention of his outburst . I think he knows he was wrong . I guess we will check next time !

OP posts:

AgentJohnson · 14/08/2019 02:05

Blame! No one died. The problem is he won’t take responsibility for his actions but chooses to blame others. I’d be embarrassed to be with someone who had the maturity of a toddler.

Chocmallows · 14/08/2019 02:12

Accident so no blame.
He acted like a spoilt brat, why does he think that is appropriate behaviour?

Original poster

sandgrown · 14/08/2019 07:55

He has three older sisters and has always suffered from what I term "little Prince" syndrome. He was very spoilt by his mother while the girls had to help in the family business. He will often tell people how his ex wife left him and moved away with his boys but omits the fact he had an affair ( not with me !)

OP posts:

Shoxfordian · 14/08/2019 07:59

He sounds like a dick.
He should apologise to you for how he acted

Flip

1 2