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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Is it possible for someone to "check back in" after checking out?

90 replies

Unpoquitititoloco · 12/08/2019 09:32

DH is very emotionally distant from me at the moment and not happy with home life. Gets easily agitated with the DC and also with me. Any question is seen as "nagging". He's had to deal with a lot from me over the past few years (I have written another thread about this somewhere) as I suffered quite badly with PND and he also had a loss in his family which hit him hard.

When pushed a few weeks ago he told me he wasn't happy. That he doesn't love me in the same way that he used to and that he dreads weekends etc as it's always so stressful. Two young kids means that we are just entertaining them and conversation is hard because they're constantly interrupting/demanding attention. He says we're like two housemates who just function day to day.

Since then he has withdrawn all affection. Since the birth of our second sex life has been pretty much non existent anyway mainly due to my PND. But cuddles and affection and pet names etc have always been there. This has stopped completely. Even down to he won't put an x on the end of a text message (I know that's silly but you notice these things don't you!).

He says when I cuddle him he feels "anxious" he says he's struggling to come to terms with the last few years of my mental ill health and worries that it will always be the same. I know I've not been the best wife. My energy has gone into seeing the children are not effected in anyway by my low moods /anxiety and I guess I neglected DH in many ways. He too was grieving he sudden and unexpected loss of his older brother who he was very close to and I tried to be an emotional support but I was probably crap and also I leaned on him a lot too which I probably shouldn't have done at this time. I often cried saying I needed help and I needed him to help me get help as I felt "stuck" somehow and unable to move but he would often get exasperated and tell me off. I TOTALLY understand why. He was dealing with his own stuff.

But now he's looking back on everything and explaining how he can't get past it. There's many things in our relationship that I've forgiven of him. But he seems to be unable to forgive me for when I haven't been perfect.

The last couple of months have seen me feeling much much better and I plan on having no more children as I clearly am prone to mental ill health/chemical imbalance etc etc. I would not put us through that again and just want to move forward now and bring our children up together happily. When I talk about improving our relationship (spending time together, spending time apart with friends, hobbies, exercise, communication) I'm just met with "but all this shit happened in past and I can't get over it". There's been no effort to though.

He's just not himself at all. He snaps at the children and regularly has little outbursts such as "no one listens to me in this family" or "everyone in this family just gets their own way, they go on and on at me until I have to give in". Apparently that's my fault. That's what I do and now the kids do it. But kids do that and need to be shown not to. And I admit I possibly do that sometimes because I haven't received an answer and something needs sorting. Yesterday for example I said to him "what do you think we should do about X" he said "I don't know". I left it until later that day and gently asked again. I was told I was nagging and putting pressure on him! It was something that needed sorting though!!

AnwAy I've clearly gone off on a major tangent. DH has started seeing a therapist recently as he seems depressed (although will often tell me he's not because he's happy at work) and are also going to go to relate. I'm scared he's doing it as a box ticking exercise so he doesn't look like the bad guy if he leaves. But what I guess I'm asking in a very very long and convoluted way is Is it at all possibly that I can get him back the way he was before? With work on our relationship and time and effort? Has this sort of thing ever been fixed for anyone?

OP posts:
Unpoquitititoloco · 12/08/2019 09:32

Sorry much longer than I meant it to be

OP posts:
TerracottaLeggy · 12/08/2019 09:36

He sounds horrible and he is treating you and the kids most unfairly.

Unpoquitititoloco · 12/08/2019 09:40

The thing is @TerracottaLeggy he's not horrible. He's a lovely man. Everyone who knows him thinks so. I've always thought so. He's always been so lovely to me apart from he's struggled with the emotional support during my PND. But I totally see a reason for that.

OP posts:
Kko1986 · 12/08/2019 09:50

Hi OP
Firstly well done for working on your mental health.
I would say he needs to go to a Dr and see if they can help too. Mental health does affect the whole family my husband supported me through mine after I had our little girl and he put up with crisis and mimhs coming over to help me and was so supportive. He has also had a hard time but he never throws it back at me.
It does sound like he needs help or he might just be thinking I want my freedom. Either way don't blame yourself pnd is horrible and difficult to explain to people.

You need to focus on yourself and the children
A councillor once said to me you are not responsible for another adults feelings or actions. Love him be kind to each other but it sounds like he needs help.

Unpoquitititoloco · 12/08/2019 09:54

I'm trying so hard to be kind to him. I don't think I always have been kind to him when in the throes of PND but I know that's no excuse. I'm really making an effort now though. I just want to cuddle and give him fuss but he says that makes him anxious. Why would that make him anxious?

OP posts:
Fallofrain · 12/08/2019 09:58

I agree that there are hints that it can be linked to depression (lack of sex, anxiety, lack of enjoyment, feeling no one gets him etc)

I checked out when i had depression because my brain was in such a fog. With treatment, i now feel more engaged and well just have feelings again!

Unpoquitititoloco · 12/08/2019 10:00

@Fallofrain I'm glad you're feeling better. He says he's not feeling low at work though. It's just home .

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Techway · 12/08/2019 10:24

How are the children? Do you have family around for support? Does he make time for hobbies?

Losing a close relative at I assume a relatively young age will have caused him to reflect on life. A counselor should help to see him the bigger picture but sometimes counselling can be focussed on just hom and not the benefit of the whole family.

This is where an older experienced friend would help, just to let him know early years are tough and that most people get through it and are glad they survived those years.

Unpoquitititoloco · 12/08/2019 10:48

At the moment no he doesn't make time for hobbies. I've told him he needs to. He's never really had a hobby as such. Likes to relax by watching movies and has been through phases of going for a run. But he's not done that for a while. I think he's felt that he needs to be at home with me as I wasn't coping so well. Our social life has dwindled too - with and without kids.

We get no time alone as youngest is v demanding. I guess I've made a rod for my own back with that one as have felt anxious leaving them. I'm getting less so now and am forcing myself to. Family nearby can help.

I've told him how things are going to get better. He needs to socialise more, we need to make time for ourselves, he needs to get some hobbies etc and I've even said how about he goes away on his own for a relaxing break to try and kick start a bit of clarity in his brain. He just doesn't seem receptive to anything.

He's spoken about leaving. He mentioned that a professional contact he knows vaguely has split up from their wife and have a lovely relationship and have gone on to have more children and a de great friends and it's all lovely. I've said it wouldn't be like that. I love him dearly and my heart would be broken and I would not be able to "be friends".

When I ask what he's going to do then he says "I don't know". This has been going on for a few weeks now. Months even.

I ask where he sees himself in 5 years time. "I just want to be happy". So how are you going to achieve that "I don't know". We're constantly going round and round in circles

OP posts:
Sooverthemill · 12/08/2019 10:55

It is possible if both make efforts and genuinely want to. Is it possible for you two to do something at a weekend together? Apart from the kids? Maybe a new joint hobby? No idea what but parkrun, rambling group, salsa dancing, badminton team? Something you do together that gives you something shared away from kids may help. And exercise will be of benefit to you both! Possibly a crèche at a leisure centre might be available. Good luck, you've worked hard on yourself.

Unpoquitititoloco · 12/08/2019 10:58

I meant to answer about the children and only got as far as the youngest and how demanding they are. The eldest is clearly not happy as behaviour is not as good as it could be and there have been many tantrums (5 years old nearly so should be out of this). DH responds by shouting and getting into petty arguments. I've TRIED to chat to him about this and say that we shouldn't about. We need to lead by example. We need to model how to manage emotions, we need to accept our child's emotions and give them a name. We need to distract, not give bad behaviour loads of attention. It's exhausting because he continues to do this. I have bought books for him to read. He hasn't read them though

OP posts:
IlluminatiConfirmed · 12/08/2019 11:14

It's either depression or affair, or both. He desperately wants out. I don't think being obstructive to an idea of a possible break up is useful. Yes it may leave you heartbroken but is it really better to be stuck in an unhappy marriage instead?

If there is an underlying health issue that will be effectively addressed in the future then I think it's possible for the relationship to recover. It could be something like undiagnosed thyroid for example that makes him depressed. It can take a long time to get to the bottom of what's going on. Good luck.

Unpoquitititoloco · 12/08/2019 11:18

If he desperately wants out then why isn't he out?

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Unpoquitititoloco · 12/08/2019 11:20

Also I'm not obstructive to anything - I just VERY pro working on our relationship. Which is as it should be in a marriage! Why the fuck get married in the first place if you're not going to work hard at it?! Why move from one relationship to the next picking up more baggage on the way.

There would be no underlying health issue. He's depressed due to family circumstances taking its toll. And totally understandably!

OP posts:
IlluminatiConfirmed · 12/08/2019 11:29

He's not out because he doesn't want to be the bad guy. It takes a lot of courage to initiate the break up.

Unpoquitititoloco · 12/08/2019 11:30

How do you know all this @IlluminatiConfirmed?

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Shoxfordian · 12/08/2019 11:44

It sounds like he wants to leave you. A trial separation might be best, you can't be the only one working on your marriage if he isn't trying as well then it won't work.

Branleuse · 12/08/2019 11:52

I think its possible, if you are both commited to riding the storm out, but sometimes its just over for one of you and no point flogging the dead horse.

dontgobaconmyheart · 12/08/2019 11:57

Why are you so focused on excusing and defending him OP? He doesnt extend a whiff of that courtesy to you and sounds pretty awful really. PND is very serious and you are not responsible for his excessively unreasonable needs and wants. He is an adult and needs to manage his own behaviour and treat you with love and respect. Leaving an x off messages is deliberately petty and spiteful too, he wants you to know he is in a strop and unhappy, and you play into it by accepting that you are the reason - when the reason is him.
You are supposed to be equal partner in this and receiving love and support as you are giving it, not catering for a shortfall, walking on eggshells and pandering to the sulks of a grown man not getting his own way. Depression is not an excuse for abusive and unpleasant behaviours. He needs to learn the tools to manage his mental health. Unconditional love is not what you are supposed to be offering, and doesn't exemplify you as 'good wife', he isn't a 'good husband' and if he won't meet you halfway it really doesn't matter how hard you try- you cannot make him re-engage by loving him.

The dynamic is almost like you are a parent to him OP, I'm not surprised romance is off the cards.I would stop indulging this dynamic and urge him to leave if he wants to leave. This situation surely cannot be good for your mental health, and his doesn't trump yours. A death in the family is awful but is a part of adult life to an extent- it doesn't trump your PND or any of your emotional needs going unmet. Make yourself and the kids the priority.

SchnitzelVonKrumm · 12/08/2019 12:23

He says he's not feeling low at work though. It's just home

He's spoken about leaving. He mentioned that a professional contact he knows vaguely has split up from their wife and have a lovely relationship and have gone on to have more children and a de great friends and it's all lovely.

He is having an affair (or wants to) with someone at work.

LexMitior · 12/08/2019 12:38

Well I think about this differently. You have had PND. You say that you have neglected him. The children demand your time and you are putting your emotional effort into that.

Now you look like you are ready to be healthier but your spouse is exhausted. And you are telling him that there is work to do.

I agree he is certainly thinking about leaving and justifying it to himself. Depression causes us to act selfishly. It is hard to live with that. But PND is draining, really draining on a family. Particularly the partner who is healthier.

I don’t know what you are asking of him. But your post suggests you are asking him for me at a point where he thinks, “why bother”.

You must decide what you want and what you can do, because making demands in your circs just isn’t working. If you lead by example it may improve. Otherwise arguing about marriage being hard work won’t help either of you.

TerracottaLeggy · 12/08/2019 12:39

OP, the things he has said to you are cruel and not what a lovely man would say, can't you see? Sharing with you a story/fantasy about remarrying and being happy again, knowing you are recovering from PND- what the fuck?

PrimroseDot · 12/08/2019 12:39

Not saying this is the same for you but my DH became really distant from me and the children for the entire 3 months he was having an affair. It was like he had tried to emotionally unconnected from me in order to make what he was doing outside the marriage ok in his mind. Looking back he was a completely different person for those 3 months. Came home one day and told me he wasn’t in love with me, but couldn’t give me any reasons. Prior to night he met and slept with the ow he had never mentioned or showed he was unhappy. He also talked a lot during that time about colleagues who were divorced/ had left their wives now living amazing new lives seeing kids only at weekends, and their 20 something girlfriends during the week. I came on here for advice, was shocked an almost offended when lots of people suggested he was having an affair, never in a million years did I think he could/would/ was too nice to be that type of man- but they were right!

Unpoquitititoloco · 12/08/2019 12:42

@PrimroseDot are you still with your DH?

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Unpoquitititoloco · 12/08/2019 12:44

@SchnitzelVonKrumm he works with a load of blokes and two ladies in their 60s. Maybe he's gay or loves an older women?

OP posts:
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