DH is very emotionally distant from me at the moment and not happy with home life. Gets easily agitated with the DC and also with me. Any question is seen as "nagging". He's had to deal with a lot from me over the past few years (I have written another thread about this somewhere) as I suffered quite badly with PND and he also had a loss in his family which hit him hard.
When pushed a few weeks ago he told me he wasn't happy. That he doesn't love me in the same way that he used to and that he dreads weekends etc as it's always so stressful. Two young kids means that we are just entertaining them and conversation is hard because they're constantly interrupting/demanding attention. He says we're like two housemates who just function day to day.
Since then he has withdrawn all affection. Since the birth of our second sex life has been pretty much non existent anyway mainly due to my PND. But cuddles and affection and pet names etc have always been there. This has stopped completely. Even down to he won't put an x on the end of a text message (I know that's silly but you notice these things don't you!).
He says when I cuddle him he feels "anxious" he says he's struggling to come to terms with the last few years of my mental ill health and worries that it will always be the same. I know I've not been the best wife. My energy has gone into seeing the children are not effected in anyway by my low moods /anxiety and I guess I neglected DH in many ways. He too was grieving he sudden and unexpected loss of his older brother who he was very close to and I tried to be an emotional support but I was probably crap and also I leaned on him a lot too which I probably shouldn't have done at this time. I often cried saying I needed help and I needed him to help me get help as I felt "stuck" somehow and unable to move but he would often get exasperated and tell me off. I TOTALLY understand why. He was dealing with his own stuff.
But now he's looking back on everything and explaining how he can't get past it. There's many things in our relationship that I've forgiven of him. But he seems to be unable to forgive me for when I haven't been perfect.
The last couple of months have seen me feeling much much better and I plan on having no more children as I clearly am prone to mental ill health/chemical imbalance etc etc. I would not put us through that again and just want to move forward now and bring our children up together happily. When I talk about improving our relationship (spending time together, spending time apart with friends, hobbies, exercise, communication) I'm just met with "but all this shit happened in past and I can't get over it". There's been no effort to though.
He's just not himself at all. He snaps at the children and regularly has little outbursts such as "no one listens to me in this family" or "everyone in this family just gets their own way, they go on and on at me until I have to give in". Apparently that's my fault. That's what I do and now the kids do it. But kids do that and need to be shown not to. And I admit I possibly do that sometimes because I haven't received an answer and something needs sorting. Yesterday for example I said to him "what do you think we should do about X" he said "I don't know". I left it until later that day and gently asked again. I was told I was nagging and putting pressure on him! It was something that needed sorting though!!
AnwAy I've clearly gone off on a major tangent. DH has started seeing a therapist recently as he seems depressed (although will often tell me he's not because he's happy at work) and are also going to go to relate. I'm scared he's doing it as a box ticking exercise so he doesn't look like the bad guy if he leaves. But what I guess I'm asking in a very very long and convoluted way is Is it at all possibly that I can get him back the way he was before? With work on our relationship and time and effort? Has this sort of thing ever been fixed for anyone?