My friends, Exh and OW

[Pogmella]

Just found out last night my close girlfriends of 10yrs+ have been regularly seeing Exh and OW for dinner for the last few months. They were close with Exh and I understand why they want to see him but I simply cannot comprehend, only 2 years past divorce what they could have to say to her. I can’t tell them who to see and I can’t be cool with this so... that’s it, right? Lost friends

I’ve been the friend in this situation.

My two house mates form Uni who I loved equally as part of a friendship group, went on the marry and have kids. He then cheated on her and left to be with OW and is still with OW.

I maintained contact with the female friend but not him. I couldn’t forgive him for how he treated her. Had he left her and then started a new relationship I would have obviously been friends with them both going forwards.

He still turned up at christenings and weddings and brought the OW with him and I felt it was appalling behaviour- IMO he should have stepped back and allowed the group to look after the mess he had left with his wife and children and not expect to bowl up and be welcomed.

You are NBU.
And I wholeheartedly agree that standing up for how you feel is vital.
People always do the thing where they like to make your own feelings seem unreasonable and it’s bollocks.

Glad you have called them out and glad you are strong enough to move past them.

I just need space from them and it. They’re not going to get it because they haven’t lived it. If they want to write it off as bitterness then so be it, I know it’s genuine distress. If they can’t stop hurting me I need to stop them being able to. There’s not much more to be done.

My boyfriend has explained im hurt and suggested time will help. I guess I’ll wait until I feel I can talk about it without getting upset and think about what I want to do.

Thanks holiday that is how I feel... can’t you just let me have my people? Why bring her. I’m estranged from my Dad so when my mum died that was my immediate family gone. I leant hard on my friends as a single parent with a baby. It’s like they’re trying to draw her into my pseudo family- yeuch.

A nice message from your boyfriend and hopefully something that will make her think more reasonably about her actions. I recommend your boyfriend blocks her or this will be her chosen method of communication/ the stick she beats with you with. Block means block and so he should too.

Oh God you've done the right thing op. If you hadn't taken this sort of decisive action you could look forward to sitting a few feet away from ex and ow while at the next wedding, feeling unhappy and awkward.

Not comparable to your situation but I had a uni relationship breakdown and limped along for years doing the above and regret it hugely.

They made a choice by seeing him again after he has shown himself to be a selfish, terrible person. They are not good friends.

That's horrible. I'd be gutted. Meeting exh is fair enough as they obviously go way back with him as friends but no need for OW to join them all regularly. Very shitty on his part too. Especially given the circumstances of the split. I'd expect my friends to have a bit more loyalty.
OW has some bloody neck... Is it not enough that she broke up your marriage, now she's mooching in on your friends?

FYI
The husband broke up his marriage ffs! So it’s ok if your friends want to be friends with him. But her!! God no,

This is where I respectfully have to say that it seems everyone in this is being blamed, but not him so much.

Life is shit and messy. I wouldn’t ask someone who is an adult to chose friends. I might distance myself if someone was treating me badly. But it seems like you want to punish people for doing something that’s pretty hard not to.

In the end only you will lose.

Good for you OP! Your so-called friend has no moral right to being upset. She has been a disloyal cowbag and is a pompous fucknugget to boot. Leave them blocked and focus on your other friends.

And for those saying it's been two years...well it's been three and a half here and it still hurts like a bastard. I don't think there is a limit on that no matter how much you move on in other areas of your life. It really irritates me when people say 'it's been how ever many years....' it's takes you as long as it takes you to feel alright about it actually and that's fine. It's got nothing to do with dwelling and being bitter, everything To do with going through something you have found traumatic and now something else, on top of that that will also be upsetting and will bring the initial thing back up for you.