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Original poster

Do people actually do this? What do you think?

88 replies

smallstrawlargecamel · 11/08/2019 18:27

I've been worrying and unsure about this for about a week. DH of 20 years, high up position (partner) in a large company, came home one night from his office summer party.
He told me he might smell of perfume as a woman who he works with and who I have heard him talk about previously, had sprayed him and another guy with perfume 'as a joke'.
This woman is not some young girl but about 40.
I was pretty angry (he was unfaithful at the beginning of our relationship and a number of things have happened since which I'm not sure is my paranoia or not). This could be one of those.
Do women actually do stuff like that for a joke? To a partner of a firm, effectively her boss?
He then proceeded to tell me she was an idiot who is no good at her job etc.

Ridiculous thing was I couldn't even smell any perfume!
Am I right to be upset and unsure? How would others feel?

OP posts:
Jux · 11/08/2019 21:13

Well, yeah, people do that sort of thing at office parties, after work in the pub, all sorts. Keep an open mind for the moment.

Choice4567 · 11/08/2019 21:19

I can’t get my head around how that would be a joke. Even when drunk which bit did she think would be funny - ‘if I spray so and so he will smell of perfume which is hilarious because...’. What is the end of that sentence?!

Does seem to much detail. And then to attack her being rubbish at her job is just over the top

FluffMagnet · 11/08/2019 21:20

Depends I guess on your DH's company. If my DH came home with this story, I wouldn't even assume he was lying as I used to work there too, and it sounds exactly what some of the drunken secretaries would do for a laugh at work events, especially to the partners. Others places I've worked, it would definitely not occur as the hierarchies would remain firmly in place (and the events would be far less boozy and informal).

Choice4567 · 11/08/2019 21:20

Sorry my point was that even when drunk no one would find spraying perfume funny, so it must be made up by him

Thatsalovelycuppatea · 11/08/2019 21:29

Sounds to me as though something went on, he is saying that because she is threatening to tell you.

Shooturlocalmethdealer · 11/08/2019 21:30

Only joke here is on you OP

Bored40 · 11/08/2019 21:32

I don't think it's a crazy story - if there's a group stood around together drinking and someone in the group touches up their perfume I could totally see how someone could impulsively spray it in the direction of others for a laugh, esp if someone had commented on it. It's hardly like someone would plan it as a practical joke but it could have been a spontaneous thing.
Can't help but think if he was actually up to something he would have hidden it (eg having a wash before he came back, taking his jacket off/going straight up to bed etc)

lottiegarbanzo · 11/08/2019 21:34

Well, for this story to work, he needed to have sprayed himself with perfume didn't he!

MrFartPants · 11/08/2019 21:36

It's amazing how some of you can be so sure, almost 100% sure, he's done wrong just from reading a few paragraphs of one sided text Grin

Fucking mental Smile

MMmomDD · 11/08/2019 21:46

Op - you have been married for a long time.
What the point in torturing yourself now with this? There is no way to know the truth. He won’t say one way or another.
How is the relationship at the moment? Any changes in how H and you are?
Are you having nice time, laugh together, happy generally?
If yes - don’t let this incident change that, as life is too short.
If no - think about what is going on and if it can be fixed. And, if you have suspicions - then do more digging.

For what it’s worth - the worst that might have happened at the party is an embrace or a kiss. Unlikely a person in a senior position snuck out of an office party to have sex with a subordinate. These day men at high positions are quite careful - Weinstein and all.

666onmyhead · 11/08/2019 21:53

I smell bullshit.

Original poster
smallstrawlargecamel · 11/08/2019 22:46

Missed replies. I know I won’t get to the bottom of this without actually asking the ‘sprayer’ - and that is not going to happen. I also appreciate if I was 100% happy in my relationship this would be a non issue. Time to think. Thank you

OP posts:
CloudyWithAChance2 · 11/08/2019 23:02

100% he’s tapping someone’s ass.

Original poster
smallstrawlargecamel · 11/08/2019 23:07

Why so sure?

OP posts:
Original poster
smallstrawlargecamel · 11/08/2019 23:11

@CloudyWithAChance2 why so sure? ( sorry to post that twice!)

OP posts:
CloudyWithAChance2 · 11/08/2019 23:19

I would never even think to tell my wife if someone had sprayed me with perfume as a joke. I would just forget about it.
Has he mentioned it because you don’t trust him and knows you’ll kick off or is he covering his ass?

HollowTalk · 11/08/2019 23:22

It sounds to me as though he's been physically close to someone and when he saw you were still awake, he panicked in case you smelt her perfume. He's added the insulting bits in the hope you won't suspect.

I can't think of a situation where a grown woman would do this, or even a teenager, especially not to her boss.

I'd bide my time, OP, and start to look more closely at things.

Yeahsurewhatever · 11/08/2019 23:28

Have seen grown women do this tbf
Always feels a bit sad for all parties involved
And it's always during a bit of flirting
So either way - I wouldnt be ok with it
But a bit of flirting is obviously the better option

quizqueen · 11/08/2019 23:43

Ask him who the other guy was, who got sprayed with perfume, and say you will check with his wife/partner what she thought of it!

Everafter1 · 12/08/2019 00:36

Were there any traces of makeup near the collar/cuffs? If the perfume was near those parts I'd be more concerned.

He could be covering his tracks. Even if he's telling the truth, you'll be on high alert now. I hope you'd remember the scent if you smelt it again, no harm in checking his clothes for the foreseeable when he comes in. You're going to be worried anyway.

quirkycutekitch · 12/08/2019 05:43

I can imagine someone getting drink & doing it as a ‘joke’ where I work, is this a small company where everyone knows everyone?

OnlineAlienator · 12/08/2019 06:00

Overcompensating.

category12 · 12/08/2019 06:02

Given that he has form, the likelihood is it's bullshit.

CheeseChipsMayo · 12/08/2019 06:07

Its bullshit..in the same way if i got in reeking of aftershave&told the same story id expect DP to be suss..used to piss around like this in my teens with multiple partners&loose morals so ive heard/used most of the lines💩

FraggleRocking · 12/08/2019 06:38

How did he actually tell you? I think if he came in and this piece of information was pretty much the only thing he fed back about the party then it’s definitely a cover story.
If he came back and said something lighthearted like below then perhaps you’re ok. Example:
‘Yeah, we had a good time, although everyone probably drank too much, Fred was sick, Bob ended up doing shots with almost all the staff. It all got a bit out of control and Angela ended up running round spraying people with her perfume, she almost got Bob in the eye! She is such an idiot. Bet we will all be feeling it tomorrow.’