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Original poster

About to cancel another date...what would you do?

60 replies

User2000019 · 09/08/2019 16:16

I’ve been dating for over two years now and I am so fed up of it. I’ve only met one person I was keen to meet again and he then got a job abroad so that was that.

I’ve had so many nights where I’ve come home feeling like I’ve wasted the evening because I’ve spent money and time getting ready to go out with someone I will never meet again.

That said...I really want to settle down so much. I’ve forgotten what it even feels like to be in a relationship! I’m very settled in my job and quite happily will go home and watch tv and go to the gym...but ultimately I am lonely and overall I want to be with someone.

I’m sat at my desk thinking oh god I can’t be bothered to go home and get ready to go out.

Would you cancel? Keep going? Give up?

OP posts:
corlan · 09/08/2019 16:20

Why don't you arrange to meet for a coffee or a quick drink? Say you can only stay an hour or so beforehand and then if there's no chemistry you haven't wasted a lot of time and money.

Mamabear12 · 09/08/2019 16:24

Perhaps first date could be coffee or a walk in the park so you don’t feel like it’s money wasted? During my time of dating it wasn’t often as people didn’t really do the meeting online or through aps. So if I was asked out by a guy it would be in person and they always paid.

Original poster
User2000019 · 09/08/2019 16:24

Yeah I have said I only have an hour and he’s offered to pick me up from the train station (didn’t want him coming to my house!). He’s been fine about it and offered to meet or pick me up, fine with meeting for a drink, or for dinner.

I just really can’t be arsed. But don’t want to be alone all my life either!

OP posts:
Pieceofpurplesky · 09/08/2019 16:50

How old are you? I can't even be bothered signing up to a dating website. I have come to the conclusion I don't like people very much!

Time40 · 09/08/2019 17:09

I'd keep going, OP, because you never know what good things are around the corner. The next date might turn out to be The One. Just keep the first dates short and casual, so you're not wasting too much time.

You sound a bit depressed, to be honest.

Original poster
User2000019 · 09/08/2019 17:18

I’m 34 so feel like time has almost ran out anyway.

All I’ve ever wanted was to have a family and yet here I am with a great job and life but nobody to share it with!

OP posts:
HarrietOh · 09/08/2019 17:31

OD is a numbers game! Keep going until you find it.

Original poster
User2000019 · 09/08/2019 18:01

I’m just not sure about him and he’s all enthusiastic about meeting up. I’m never sure and that’s the problem.

OP posts:
loveyoutothemoon · 09/08/2019 18:21

He could be the one!

Original poster
User2000019 · 09/08/2019 18:26

Could be but probably not...like the 30 odd others I’ve met!

OP posts:
Tulipdaisy70 · 09/08/2019 18:27

I think you should go on the date. I've been on a couple of dates where before meeting I didn't think there would be chemistry and there was. You just never know. Also, sometimes people look much better in person than in their online photos or they might have great personalities.

I would say go on this date and then if you still feel fed up with the dating take a little break from it. You can always go back to it.

Original poster
User2000019 · 09/08/2019 18:29

I just feel like time is running out.

Even though I feel like that I’d never just settle down with anyone. Hence why I’m single! But it is a bit rubbish.

OP posts:
NoNameIdeas · 09/08/2019 18:34

Please go! He really may be 'the one', you never know. Completely get how you feel, I didn't even want to join OD but knew I had to do something to meet someone as I work in a 100% female environment and my friends were all couples...it worked, only met 1 guy and now married with a 2 year old. It's rubbish when it's what you want so much but without the dates you won't get the happy ever after...go go go!

Idontwanttotalk · 09/08/2019 18:44

@Time40
"You sound a bit depressed, to be honest."
Bandying the word depression about does a great disservice to those who do suffer with it. Just being fed-up about a particular aspect of life in no way suggests depression.

As the OP states "here I am with a great job and life but nobody to share it with!"
You aren't depressed if you have a great job and life!

toffeeapple123 · 09/08/2019 18:47

I’m your age and in same boat. It’s one horrendous date after the next. Love my job, and life otherwise. Which dating sites are you on?

Tracklements · 09/08/2019 18:51

You aren't depressed if you have a great job and life!

Eh? People can (and do) suffer from depression no matter what their circumstances are.

Original poster
User2000019 · 09/08/2019 18:52

I’m on bumble and tinder! Everyone I have met has been perfectly nice but just...it’s a no. There’s only been one man I’ve liked and he moved abroad shortly after we met because of a job.

I hate it and I’m starting to wonder if there’s something wrong with me!!!

OP posts:
CheekyFuckerHQ · 09/08/2019 18:57

I decided to give up OLD, I had one last one to meet, one I had been messaging for weeks but hadn’t thought much of if i’m honest. I remember walking across the car park to meet him thinking “uugghh, here we go again”
I dodged round this big tall hunk of a man trying to get to where I needed to be when the big tall hunk said “hi, ‘my name’”
That was 10 years ago nearly. He’s downstairs making the dinner.
Don’t give up OP. Take a break if you need to recharge.

Original poster
User2000019 · 09/08/2019 18:59

I love hearing all these nice stories of things working out but it honestly feels like that just won’r happen for me. I can’t be bothered with another night of average chat and going home thinking I would have had a better time sat reading my book in the bath!! Haha.

OP posts:
Time40 · 09/08/2019 18:59

@Idontwanttotalk

Bandying the word depression about does a great disservice to those who do suffer with it. Just being fed-up about a particular aspect of life in no way suggests depression

I didn't use the word "depression". I said "a bit depressed". I did not "bandy the word depression about - and I object to be told how to show some empathy and concern for fellow MNetters. Please don't try to tell me how to behave.

HelloYouTwo · 09/08/2019 19:07

I felt exactly the same OP. And I stepped right back from it, deleted the apps, cancelled the subscriptions. Focussed on my work, friends, hobbies. Didn’t give dating any headspace for over a year. Then I was set up on a date by a married friend who had met a nice single man at a party, he was friends with her mates so I thought he’d probably be ok. And he was! (Much more than ok in fact Wink)

There’s nothing wrong in stepping back and giving yourself some proper space from it all. Go back when you feel ready - but its healthy to step off that treadmill of crappy / average dates and spend your time and money on something else.

Original poster
User2000019 · 09/08/2019 19:11

I feel like I’ve no time to step back though. That’s not to say I want to rush into anything (obviously given how I never pursue anything with anyone!). But I don’t feel I can just take a step back. It feels shit.

OP posts:
Time40 · 09/08/2019 19:11

Could be but probably not...like the 30 odd others I’ve met!

Come on, OP. Chin up. 30 dates is nothing. Go on the date. Keep going on the dates. You never know when something great it going to happen. Just keep positive and keep dating. I know what you mean about time running out for you, because I imagine you're thinking about time to start a family .... but honestly, you are still a young woman in many ways. I would ABSOLUTELY KILL to be 34 again. You've got at least ten years left to find someone and start a family, so keep getting out there and use those years.

23chilton · 09/08/2019 19:11

Wow! 30 dates in 2 years!!!! What I'd give for that. I'm on Muddy Matches and another low key site but all I get is men sending me winks then when I send one back nothing happens. Just can't bring myself to go on tinder. I'll swap with you.

Original poster
User2000019 · 09/08/2019 19:12

I am going on tonight’s date, thanks posters :)

It is just really hard! And feels lonely in a strange way... thankful that you lot are here to share these thoughts with

OP posts:
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