Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Told to leave

75 replies

Unusual123 · 07/08/2019 22:21

Right my relationship with my wife is all in her terms. She earns more she plans the holidays and I have to do everything that she says. I'm trying to improve our relationship but it's difficult due to her not speaking to me whatsoever. I have this wrong that wrong we are not going out we are not this that the other. Won't let me get a word in. I do more than my share with our children and around the house but after I've done the shopping I've little or nothing left.
How a week changes. Last week she went out with friends and I came home to no dinner. No problem. Put our children to bed sorted out some dinner for myself and tidied up and did the ironing.
24 hrs later she's ripping my head off and telling me all sort how I've failed etc. The kids love her more than me the list goes on

Now she wants me to leave so in the space of 4 days she's got estate agent coming round to value the house and get me out as soon as possible. Then the holiday at Christmas I'm not going now and she's taking our children if I like it or not.
Is the rational behaviour

OP posts:
PulyaSochsup · 07/08/2019 22:26

I’m so sorry, the relationship sounds very unbalanced 🙁. I hate to say it but could she be having some type of breakdown or even being unfaithful? What a horrible situation for you.

HeyMonkey · 07/08/2019 22:29

No dinner?

Original poster
Unusual123 · 07/08/2019 22:40

I do majority of the cooking but having done all the housework prior to going to work dropped the children off at nursery walked the dog etc. The dinner cooking is never a problem

OP posts:
Greensleeves · 07/08/2019 22:44

If you do all the cooking, why would you comment that you "came home to no dinner"? Very odd Confused

If she doesn't want to be with you, then the relationship is over.

fandabbyfannyflutters · 07/08/2019 22:46

Perhaps it's because you never involve yourself in planning holidays and expect dinner cooked for you?

Cabezona · 07/08/2019 22:49

Sounds like she is doing you a favour by asking you to leave. You don't sound happy and possibly taken for granted.

Just ensure children are happy and you get any finances from the house that you are owed.

HennyPennyHorror · 07/08/2019 22:50

Also wondering why you were surprised at no dinner since you always cook.

MMmomDD · 07/08/2019 22:53

Dinner issue aside - if you are married she can’t sell the house without you agreeing to it.
And she can’t kick you out.
And you both have a right to a holiday with children.

If this is real (and it doesn’t sound like it is, somehow) - you need to get off your knees and march to a solicitor.

PulyaSochsup · 07/08/2019 22:54

I think you need to find out what’s going on. It sounds as though she’s furious about something and extremely dissatisfied. Is there any chance she’ll open up to you?

It may be that from her perspective she’s acting entirely rationally, but you need to know what those reasons are. If not, you may well have a very difficult path ahead. It sounds as though there’s a great deal of resentment towards you which may have built up over a long period. I wish I could offer you some easier answers.

SandyY2K · 07/08/2019 22:54

I assume you jointly own your house, so she cannot sell it without your agreement.

I suggest you seek legal advice... being a man on MN, your every word will be over analysed.

You need to find out where you stand in the event of a separation or divorce.

Your priority should be maintaining a close relationship with your children.

It sounds like your wife has very little if any respect for you. You need to prepare for a life without her.

Original poster
Unusual123 · 07/08/2019 22:58

Why I got up a 6 sorted the children out cleaned the house and went to work only to be told at 7.30 as I'm walking through the door the she's off out. Dinner not the issue here in the space of a
Week the woman want to sell the home we all live in

As for holidays when you work shifts and come home to be told that where are going on holiday all booked then how am I expected to participate in anything

OP posts:
Original poster
Unusual123 · 07/08/2019 23:01

I am after today trying to convince her we can make this work but dismissed all the time. Trying to calm the situation down so we can try and maintain some sort of friendship for the children sake and every time I try and talk it get worse

OP posts:
lifebegins50 · 07/08/2019 23:06

Do you want to fix the relationship? It feels as if something has triggered the final straw for her.

If she feels that the marriage is no longer viable then a separation is likely but I always suggest a couple try to see each others point of view. Even if you do divorce it helps to ease separation as there will be less resentment.

Do you feel that she has any legitimate complaints? Questioning if she is rational is just a way to minimise or invalidate her feelings so it is best to avoid thinking in that way as it will definitely lead to a divorce. Work on the basis she is feeling angry and it is legitimate.. if that was the case what actions would you take? (assuming you want to continue the marriage).

Most women want to be heard and have their partner help make life easy. It is usual for one person to book the holidays whilst the other does insurances or cars so I wouldn't jump to labelling her controlling.

fandabbyfannyflutters · 07/08/2019 23:06

But do you not have all year to suggest some destinations? Suggest looking together?
My husband says I plan all the holidays but he never once gives any input into it (or suggests days out) so I get fed up of waiting and do it myself

Cherrysoup · 07/08/2019 23:10

Get yourself a solicitor. She can't just remove your dc, she needs to organise contact if they stay with you or vice versa. She can't simply sell the house, either. Please see a solicitor.

Original poster
Unusual123 · 08/08/2019 08:36

I'm not a unreasonable man. I love my wife dearly and yes have made mistakes like anyone else. None were intentional just the little things than might irritate someone but not others.
So I've went to bed last night and was told the sh*t I've given her is in a box and now she's free. ( engagement and wedding rings and some nice ear ring as an anniversary present)
And that if I don't leave she will. So I'm been forced out of my home now and will have to rent something today.
So in the space of a week I've gone from a man looking forward to a future wife his wife and children to almost homeless. I've got no family around to go to. I'm trying to see if we can talk but everything I say is chastised.
Don't know what to do

OP posts:
Parent999 · 08/08/2019 08:46
  1. Youre a man so no matter what youre going to be roasted alive here. Accept it.
  1. Stick a fork in it, your relationship is done, she has no respect for you and its not coming back anytime soon [especially if she earns more than you]

You really need to start concentrating on looking after yourself after the split. I really really mean this. Get all the evidence you can of the care youve provided your children, as a man you will need to prove this when she stops you from seeing the children.

Youre about to lose your home and your children, reality check!!!!!

Starlight2004 · 08/08/2019 08:47

Surely you've asked her what has triggered this? And it really doesn't sound like you were that happy any way so maybe a separation is best? You may end up happier in the long run if you feel she doesn't treat you well, doesn't include you, you do more than your share around the house, don't have a opinion on things.... then why would you want to stay in that kind of relationship?

Parent999 · 08/08/2019 08:52

DONT LEAVE THE HOUSE
Stay in the spare room, sleep on the sofa, whatever but dont leave the house until you have a written and acceptable schedule for contact with your children. You need legal advice very quickly

mymadworld · 08/08/2019 08:55

I no nothing about the legalities of divorce but have read enough similar posts on here (albeit usually from the woman's POV) and the overriding advice is always DO NOT LEAVE THE HOUSE & GET LEGAL ADVICE

mummmmeee · 08/08/2019 08:55

For me the question would be do you always look after the kids, do housework etc or you do it rarely and think you're gods gift for doing it? I don't mean to be rude. The reason why I'm asking is that my DH is the latter-looks after kids rarely, and when he does housework once in a blue moon he thinks he's "helping" me and is such an amazing man. Your wife has clearly had enough for one reason or another

CassettesAreCool · 08/08/2019 09:00

Take her up on her offer to leave herself. Don’t you go. She sounds horrible. Just because someone takes against you doesn’t mean you have to be homeless and separated from your children. Dig your heels in, see a solicitor. I’m so sorry OP 💐

Lweji · 08/08/2019 09:04

Have you considered the possibility that she's having an affair?

Lweji · 08/08/2019 09:06

Whether you leave or not, nobody can be forced out of their own house and even if it's hers, you'd need reasonable notice.

buckeejit · 08/08/2019 09:15

From what you've said she is being a real bitch.

However, like pp said you'll be roasted as you are a man.

However, there are 2 sides to every story. If you've been doing the majority of the chores forever & been a generally dead on husband, then it's strange that she has suddenly made this decision. The reason the dinner has been brought up is that if you usually do most of the cooking then you wouldn't be surprised that there was no dinner.

If I got home & there was no dinner for me, I wouldn't be in the slightest bit surprised as I do most of the cooking.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.