Guy I'm seeing blows hot and cold ..why?

[raspberrystrawberry]

I'm seeing a guy since may.
He blows so hot and cold.
Yesterday he was messaging me on the morning before work/during work.
All night last night
Today zilch.
Sent him a Snapchat he opened it and nothing back.
I don't understand how he goes from 1 extreme to the other.
Is this odd behaviour?
Or am I worrying for nothing?

It is odd behaviour - in the beginning of a relationship you usually cant get enough of each other! If he was just a bad texter then maybe i could understand but for him to be good and then suddenly stop seems strange :(

He is not for you.

Let's not be hasty - could be not just be more busy today? If it's days on end then it could be more 'cold', but at the min is it not a case of real life having to take precedence over using a phone?

Some relationships can be slow burners. He could be busy in work/with something on. You may have different expectations and he might want something more casual. you have been seeing each other a few months so a chat to get an idea of where he is at might be a good idea. If what you want doesn't match then it is best to find out now.

It’s a game, he’s manipulating you to make you anxious. And it’s working.

How much are you involved in his life? Seen his house? Met his friends/family?

How 'hot' is he when he is hot? Like has he been 'love bombing' you? If so you might he dating a dodgy sort and you should run. It is conmon for narcissists and the like, to blow hot and cold. And common to never really know where you stand with them.

**not that narcissists always lovebomb of course. They can actually do the opposition from the start - put themselves on a pedestal and make you feel you should feel oh so lucky to have their time and attention.

What about when you see each other - does he do the same then too?

I tend to message people when I have time, so I could well seem hot & cold too, which isn't the case.

What is his general behaviour like in real life, not just on messaging systems?

Have we all read the same OP, someone hasn't messaged from last night to 11am and this is an issue? Good god people have ridiculous expectations of contact these days!!

Exactly @NewMe2019 - i'd find it utterly stifling! he could have been in a meeting all morning, he could have stuff going on. Let someone breathe a bit.

It's a way of yanking your chain, so that when he whistles you come running.

He's keeping control of you by making you apprehensive... have you upset him....have you annoyed him etc etc. So that when he does call you, you are immediately ready to respond.

You must have heard the saying "Treat them mean to keep them keen"? That's what he is doing to you.

He's a manipulative game player, and things will get worse, not better. Find someone else, someone who actually wants to be with you.

Folks are forgetting that OP is saying this is just one example of an overall pattern of Extreme On/AWOL that's been going on since May. It's not usually a good sign OP. Could be any number of reasons, always to do with them, not you.

It sounds harsh but it just sounds like he just isn't that into you. If you've been 'dating' on and off since May, and it's now August, he isn't serious about it. Move on and meet someone else who wants to be with you!

👈 This

We’ve all been there. Don’t go there - you’re going to end up hurt. Pull away now when it will still be bearable

He’s probably married.

If a guy is into you there will be no doubt! Off-load him. Let him mess someone else around!

Hes just not that into you