The whole "best friends" thing ... essentially dysfunctional?

[NotQuiteCockney]

I have had a few 'best friends' in my life, and it's always been, in the end, an unmitigated disaster. I still speak to everyone, but they annoy the hell out of me, and the whole situation was stupid.

I'm not talking about close friends, I'm talking about friends you have to talk to every day, tell them everything, etc etc.

Just the post!!
I have had disastrous ends to previous BFs and the present one is annoying me NO END, and the saddest part is that she does not see it;or understands one bit of it...when I tactfully BEGAN to try to put it across to her she exploded and got offended, cried and later on emailed both me and my husband treating us like kids, although we are much older...sigh...
I felt suffocated, manic, someone trying to live maternity through me and be EVERY FUCKING WHERE around me during my pregnancy was a bit too much...moaned for ages because dh and me asked her not to be present during my labour and the birth of my baby...can u believe that? my dh felt displaced by her all the time...it was like he was non-existant when she was around...what a plague. Now our lifestyles are so different...I dont want someone like that around my baby girl, she isnt exactly a good role model...sorry for the rant, more details later gotta make bottle

Can relate to most of what has been said here. I have two best friends who have known for ages and would unashamedly call bfs. Can talk to them everyday or every so often depending on what we are all doing. Love them to bits and have known them for years. But have also had wierdo ones too which have been temporary. I find they either nick yr stuff or bitch about you/are possesive or direct loads of physco babble at you which is more about them than you. All of these are not true bfs and you should dump them/distance yourself. Have also had really amazing temporary bfs who have been brilliant but not no longer spk to. Would also actually count dh as bf. I think bfness is a state of mind. Once you have done it successfully then you know when it is happening and when it is not.

Hiya! I looked up "losing a friend" on google cos I have just "divorced" the woman who has called me her best friend (not a term I use these days myself) for years and wanted to check out any advice out there about the right way about it. We met at grammar school aged 11, didn't get on particularly well at first but after about eighteen months then fell into being together a lot as we made each other laugh hysterically. Our senses of humour chimed and developed alongside each other, and when things are going well it still chimes pretty well, nearly four decades later.

Thing is (as I explained to my DH as he was getting to know her and he agrees from what he can see) she's the type of person who when she is having a good time everyone has a good time, but if she is the wrong way out or in a bad mood everyone has to suffer and no-one is allowed to enjoy even a quiet peaceful time together !

Fed up of it. We're fifty now and I'm tired of waiting for her to grow up. We have rowed recently because she doesn't chide her dog or attempt to re-train him to stop him pouncing & attacking our (smaller) dog when we visit them or WORSE STILL even when they visit us! Poor animal gets snarled at and pinned down in his own house just for breathing and being alive. A weekend of that and one's nerves are in shreads, yet she won't listen to any comments or consider any suggestions about how to go from here and improve the situation. Says in her last message I know nothing about dogs in comparison to her expereince with them and my e-mails trying to find a way forward are just "SHITE." She even alleged this wee dog I have now who is nearly six is the only one I've ever owned when from 1967-1982 I had a dog for fifteen years she has had the sheer unmitigated nerve to forget about completely!

Fraid I reverted (to the schoolchild I was when I met her?) and told her to EFF OFF good and proper.

Probably not the right way, but what the hell - I've had ENOUGH!