DP doing my head in

[WhenItRains111]

Constantly complaining about how DD (9months) cries, or when we eat out for lunch how she doesn’t want to sit still in the high chair, she is crawling so much prefers to be exploring I’ve tried to explain this. Anything that goes wrong he’ll get moody, if someone doesn’t let him cut in to traffic he gets loses his temper. Fing and blinding, muttering comments under his breath on his shit the day is, how messy the flat is. Just constant. Only time he isn’t moaning is when DD is quiet and sitting relatively still or when he is trying to bug me for sex.. Which needless to say I’ve gone off of. If DD isn’t behaving perfectly it is somehow my fault, ever since she was younger.

Now I don’t know maybe it’s because for me most of the time if something goes wrong I just laugh about it or get on with it.. no point in making a stressful situation more stressful, but that’s all DP seems to do and to be honest it’s draining.

Does he do his equal share of looking after your DD.

How stressful for you to be living with this.

Call him out on it firmly.

His reaction will tell you if your relationship is going to survive.

It’s not you, it’s him.

What are you getting out of this relationship?. Why are you together at all now?.

He will simply continue to drag both you and your daughter down with him. He is neither a decent partner to you nor a decent example of a father to his child. Such entitled and selfish individuals like this do not change. Would you want tour daughter to date someone like this, hell no. So why are you and he still together now?

He is like my ex. He used to moan and complain all the time. Life was against him. Our kids mis-behaving meant they were the world's worst kids etc. He was always angry too.
I couldn't take it anymore and ended things. I'm so much happier now.
He won't change OP, I'm sorry to say.

@Bananalanacake, not even close. He works but when he isn’t working nope. Went two weeks with doing one nappy change and doesn’t do bathtime or change her clothes. Playtime consists of him putting on the tv and squealing a toy at her every few minutes.. this is better than before. He can’t do bed time because she cries and he just wants to sit and cuddle her and feeding he’ll do but gets annoyed when she throws stuff on the floor which as we all know if normal for babies and learning.

He sounds a shit, although I hugely agree with him on the high chair thing. Your DD needs to learn to sit in a chair to eat.

He sounds like a waste of space OP

@loveyoutothemoon, DD does sit still in her high chair to eat, she loves food, it’s more than she won’t sit there for an hour quietly. Which I don’t know any child her age that sits still for an hour.

Well no you can't expect a 9 month old to sit still for an hour! it sounds like he has bad anger problems, you need to get him to sort his problems out-therapy-if he doesn't you've had enough. That would be me anyway.

Sorry if that seemed snappy @loveyoutothemoon, even if someone did expect a 9 month old to do that then help out don’t make it more stressful but huffing and puffing and making indirect comments. So in the end I’m trying to keep DD happy and contained and also eat. I’m sure DD probably picks up on how tense I am too.

lol to “your DD needs to learn to sit in a high chair” ha! She’s 9 months old not 19 months.
Op your partner sounds like a miserable git. Mine did that when we first had kids, think he found it hard to adjust. I said one day ‘ can you please STOP MOANING!’ and suggested he go away for a week to get his shit together. He was shocked but did change. Now he thinks he was a bit depressed.

He's a selfish twat who is entitled and expects the world to revolve around him. He's only happy when his needs are getting met but cannot give to other people, even his own child and partner. This in combination with irresponsibility (wont change his own childs nappy) and a short fuse. Have you ever considered he could be a narcissist OP? He'll never change or be willing to meet your needs. He doesnt change because he doesnt care, not because he doesnt understand that he's not even meeting you halfway. Grown men dont need things like this explaining and if he hasnt got it by himself by now then he never will.

My 22mo sure in a high chair for 20 minutes then he’s screaming to get out. Of course he is, high chairs are boring.
Your DH sounds like a disgusting person and not a fit father. I’d be giving him an ultimatum ... you’d probably be much happier on your own and so would your daughter. She deserves better than this

*sits

Your h sounds awful. He’s not doing his share - and , worse, he’s actively making your life worse. He’s no role model for your dd.

Yuck! That’s all really - he sounds yuck.
You don’t ha e to put up with all this meekly you know.

He sounds like a selfish knob
Ltb

He needs to read a couple of books. One being a child development book, the other how to be a better partner and father.

What is actively stopping you from leaving this individual?. He is dragging both you and your DD down with him into his pit.

He's not acting like a parent. He's acting like a sulky twat because you've had a baby and GUESS WHAT!? Baby needs more attention than he does.

You need to have some stern straight words with him NOW.

Tell him the gig is up; he needs to pull his socks up, act like a parent or just sod off and leave you to it.

You don't need to be looking after a big whiny manchild as well as an actual baby.

And you need to mean it. Honestly, or it will just get worse.

My BIL was like this with, and 6 years later he's even worse if anything. It's ruining their family and relationships and I've lost all respect for him, and also for my sister for putting up with his crap in front of the kids.

You really do need to take action now, not hope he will suddenly change into a magical parent and partner.

You and your daughter deserve better OP

@AttilaTheMeerkat honestly only reason would be that he is the father of our DD. Apart from that I couldn’t say, I mean he works and has a good job.. but tells me not to buy DD expensive hygiene items (we are talking a tenner) and then wants to buy himself a Subaru cause he has always wanted one. So that doesn’t count either because even though he earns if it isn’t something he wants he’ll say we don’t need it. Perks of been the main earner eh?

I am glad I’m not the only one who finds this behaviour unacceptable. Some people I’ve spoken to have said well least he is earning and keeping a roof over your head

Sounds like he’s got not idea of what living with a 9 month old is like.
Can’t stand moaning miserable people no help to any one. If he can’t stop moaning I’d seriously think about splitting up.
Can’t see it improving.

That’s the thing about having kids some people have them without really considering what it will be like, this is particularly true of men who like the ‘idea’ of kids but not the reality. Then mum gets lumbered with everything. A little forward thinking would have told him it’s probably not for him.

Tough though as now he has to step up whether he likes it or not.

I think he’s crap and until you see an improvement in him I certainly wouldn’t leave her alone with your child. He has got anger issues. Your daughter will get more challenging - how will he cope with that.
Take care.