DP doing my head in

[WhenItRains111]

Constantly complaining about how DD (9months) cries, or when we eat out for lunch how she doesn’t want to sit still in the high chair, she is crawling so much prefers to be exploring I’ve tried to explain this. Anything that goes wrong he’ll get moody, if someone doesn’t let him cut in to traffic he gets loses his temper. Fing and blinding, muttering comments under his breath on his shit the day is, how messy the flat is. Just constant. Only time he isn’t moaning is when DD is quiet and sitting relatively still or when he is trying to bug me for sex.. Which needless to say I’ve gone off of. If DD isn’t behaving perfectly it is somehow my fault, ever since she was younger.

Now I don’t know maybe it’s because for me most of the time if something goes wrong I just laugh about it or get on with it.. no point in making a stressful situation more stressful, but that’s all DP seems to do and to be honest it’s draining.

You're right, you can't diagnose him but it cant hurt to read up on the signs. Most narcs wouldnt ever seek out a diagnosis because they have absolutely no insight into their own pathology but they make up about 10% of the population and there has to be some way to protect yourself and your DD.

And no, it's not obvious at all if they are a covert narcissist. They use things like passive aggression, sulking, silent treatment, turning everything you say back around on you so they are never at fault. Yes they have a 'nice' side but it's all a facade and it's used to manipulate people. That's why to the outside world, they work hard to keep up appearances of being a great father and partner but you know how he really is. I bet he was so great in the beginning and you feel like he's a different person now right? It's not normal to go from loving partner who promises you the world to complete selfish arsehole in a few years. Yes relationships can go stale but this is more than that. He's an immature, selfish arse which is what all narcs are because they feel entitled to have everyone running around after them while they do the bare minimum and then criticise you for not being good enough. He can't bare not having 100% of your attention and they make terrible parents because they are only happy when the child and partner are behaving his they expect (I.e they have unrealistically high expectations of other people that they cant maintain themselves).

I bet there are tons of double standards in your relationship which is classic narc behaviour.