Has anyone ever forgave a cheating partner and got through the pain?

[puta91]

Has anyone been cheated on and forgave their partner and worked it out. If so, how? And when did it get easier?

I did, a one night stand nearly 5 years ago. The pain has gone, but I still feel so disappointed in him and no longer feel the same. I hardened my heart to him and I can't envisage ever feeling different.

In hindsight it might have been better if we split up.

I tried but the loss of trust wrecked everything. Should have left when I first found out he had no moral compass. He promised he would never, ever do it again and would be honest and transparent. He was lying of course and I discovered he he done it again.

It was the smooth ability to lie that got to me too. Once you know they can lie like that it’s hopeless.

Ps its normal to feel pain for a long time after. It's been almost 2 years and it still hurts. It doesn't mean I love him and want him back. It means that I cant believe he did it and I dont want to ever relive that.

Sadly not. I’ve got a thread at the moment about how to let go of the pain. The loss of trust hurts so much.

I did after he cheated on me whilst pregnant, he did it again also whilst pregnant. We were engaged it was horrific

I couldn't- threw him out and never looked back.

I've also been the cheater. Once you cheat on someone, you've mentally walked away from them.

It's over.

I'm going to crawl in and say yes but only after lots of work, it eats you up years later when you really didn't think it would, what sort of personality are you?

I was made to feel like I was going mad for years thinking, but no way to prove he was having affairs .
I wasnt strong enough in myself to leave . Found him out properly in an affair . Forgave him . He promised me the earth . A year later I found a text from a woman to him so i left . Wasted 12 of the best years of my life on him .
Best thing I did was leave . I am so much happier now 😊

Yes, though it was not a relationship and sex was not involved - lines were crossed. Dh voluntarily informed me.

I felt suicidal for the first few weeks.
I cried and hit dh several times.
We went to counselling initiated by dh. Childhood trauma on his part came to the surface. Dh was and is remorseful.

We talk now more than ever.
The gut wrenching pain went after two/three months and it was replaced with a sadness that an element of trust has gone.

I can now laugh and enjoy life. In the first stages I did not think it would be possible to truly laugh and be happy ever again.

puta1
Was it an emotional or physical affair?
How long had it been going on?
How did you discover it?

I did then as everyone said he would he did it again two years later. Just as we were buying a new house (we’d sold our old house and were renting when I thought we’d be separating) the circumstances were almost identical to the first time he cheated.

Wish I left him the first time. Although the first time he did it I was devastated emotionally. Second time I was just really really angry - at him and myself for being in a position where he could do this to me again. Anger is a much better emotion to have - helped me to Walk away with what I wanted and how and it was all on my terms.

Now I’m in a very happy and healthy new relationship and life is so much better. I can look back with clarity now and see that if someone makes a decision to cheat then that changes everything and I’m not sure how you ever move on from that.

Yes. We had been together four years but we were only 21 and in a long distance relationship so slightly different to a settled marriage. That was 15 years ago and we are still together and very happy (I know people might not believe that)

No
He cheated on me while I was pregnant
Than a year before her 1st birthday
Continually on pof throughout the relationship
Even though the whole time he ‘wasn’t’ I was ‘paranoid’
Now I’ve found out he’s back on pof
And I cannot wait to leave him :)
Do not stay they do not change and you will battle with yourself everyday over staying

Yes, he ran us both for 4 months. I forgave him and we went to counselling. Took over a year to trust him again and I needed access to his email and phones etc.
5 years on - we are solid as a rock.

I tried but couldn’t do it. Stayed for a year but I could never look at him in the same light knowing he’d lied to me and snuck around behind my back. Now going through a difficult divorce but I’m happier than when we were together post-affair.

I'm not entirely sure. I've got concerns re my newish husband on another thread so my jury is still out

Nope. I tried and realised i would never trust him again, walked away from my marriage. 6 years on happily married again but still find it hard to trust (hubby knows i have issues).

I have a friend and her husband has cheated on her so she cheated on him, still together but not happy, she regularly cheats now because she saw it as a green light, shes staying with him for the kids.

This is a very weird encounter, weve been together 2 years, and he didnt have sex. Its quite embarressing but it was a weird fantasy thing where a girl did something to him but he didnt even see or touch her it was behind a wall, this messed me up mentally. This happened a few months ago and he told me last month, he is very remorseful, he told me that he regrets it and has been brutally honest with me saying that he didn't think anything of it he was just curious and his intentions were to go and see what the enviroments like, but he said it was out of character, it lasted a few minutes and he walked out and its eaten him up every single day. When he told me he burst out in tears ive never seen him so upset, his focus has been me this entire time, he constantly reassures me, we have great communication, he doesnt make me feel like shit when i bring it up he listens and doent interupt. The hardest thing is that i never seen it coming, our relationship is amazing, sex life is great but i cant help but feel so insecure, and im becoming a person i never wanted to be, im jealous, Paranoid all of the usual traits that come with a cheated person. I have decided to give it another go as he's never done anything to hurt me previous, i can see hes genuine, he tried to tell me numerous times and one day he was at work phoned me and said we need to talk he left work and came home and told me, i didnt speak to him for days. But I'm one of those where ive had shitty, abusive, physical relationships. This is my 3rd and I've never felt like i wanted to work through a relationship until now. Ive ended all previous relationships, but this one is so different. Im just struggling because i love him so much, but im so fucking angry, and hurt, i have good days and bad days, i feel like im drowning some days and question if i actually know him.

It is good that he chose to tell you as he could have kept it a secret- there would have been no way of you finding out.

He sounds remorseful and willing to work at your marriage.

I too have had crap relationships before dh. I always walked away not looking back. I can cut people off very quickly.

I have made a choice to stay in my marriage. If dh had had sex or become emotionally involved, I do not know if I could have stayed.

I am unsure when you discovered this but it takes time to heal. Your dh needs to stay committed and transparent.

Yes we got through it and now have a nine year old and married fifteen years. He is a rubbish liar so I knew straight away that something was wrong and he crumbled when I challenged him. Took me a while to trust him but I do now. We were going through a difficult time with my mum dying (I know) but his dad has since died so I think he know understands a bit more. It won’t ever be the same though. Good luck to you.

No we didn't get through it.
My dp cheated on me for around 3 months when I was pregnant.
We'd been together for 4 years at this point.
I was 36 weeks when I found out, we had just brought a house together and moved in with my other 2 dcs.
Although I kicked him out initially I let him be present at the birth.
He brought us home from the hospital said he wanted to stay to help and would sleep on the sofa.
Basically he never left after that.
I was vulnerable hormonal and confused, life got in the way and we just carried on.
But I never trusted him or really got over it.
Checked his phone daily for 8 years feeling weirdly disappointed when I didnt find anything.
Despite having another baby things were never the same, the damage done to my self confidence was irreparable but I just buried it.
Pushed it deeper and deeper down to maintain a "normal" family life.
But as always with these things it eventually resurfaces and we have now seperated.
And I know that despite it being 8 years ago it changed everything.
The rot set in and when I emerged out of the sleep deprived whirlwind of having and raising 2 small children and supporting 2 older ones it still needed to be dealt with.
And its what ultimately caused us to break up last year.

Faith50 you sound exactly like me, if it was sex or something connection wise, i couldn't forgive it. I feel m9re devastated because we were a team kind of like a power couple, but even though things are okay and he's doing everything he can to support me its still hard, had another conversation last night with him regarding the matter and told him i felt as though even though we are still in love theres been a change in the relationship, its kind of like the innocence has been ripped from the relationship, he broke down in tears, he keeps saying hes sorry for being emotional and that it isn't fair on me, he doesnt want to make me feel bad, he just cant help that hes done this, he said hes never been more dissapointed and ashamed of himself. I genuinely do believe hes 1000000% remorseful, its just hard. I never used to be insecure. But now if i see an attractive girl out i will watch him like a hawk, its not a healthy way to be, i never wanted to become this person.

Can't edit im new to this group, i meant he cant help being emotional, not that he couldn't help doing what he did. I just want to thank everyone for commenting it means alot, I'm going to keep trying working on the relationship and most importantly healing myself. I don't want to break up. I couldn't deal with another failed relationship, he's emotionally invested in my family, my family have never approved of anyone ive been with apart from him, they love him. Theres so many pros but only 1 con, i questioned him last night whether hed do it again. He was adamant he would never do that to me or anyone because he said when youve done the cheated you are racked with so much guilt and you have no security (because i could choose to walk away tomorrow) hopefully i will get through this, in previous relationships when they cheated i ghosted them the minute i found out, but weirdly this relationship is different i can actually see a future.