Has anyone ever forgave a cheating partner and got through the pain?

[puta91]

Has anyone been cheated on and forgave their partner and worked it out. If so, how? And when did it get easier?

Was it a glory hole? I have a friend whose husband "tried" one last year, he gave the same reason, curiosity about how it felt; the experience. He was very remorseful. It came out a few months later that it had actually been his third visit; but he said he'd not wanted to hurt my friend with further details. It wasn't something he felt he could get from her, it being anonymous and a bit seedy and weird was part of it for him. They are trying to work through it. I know he's doing better now than she is, because she keeps thinking about it, but he did seem devastated to have been caught.

I couldn't forgive that if it was me, but I'm supporting her as best as I can as she wants to give it a go.

Anchor yes! Thats what it was, and thats what he said he didn't think hed feel guilt because it wasn't intimate it was all anonymous, but he did and i didn't find out he sat me down and told me himself, hes never done anything like that in his life, and that was the first time he ever did it and he said he couldn't even get hard from it it lasted a few seconds and he left. Then after that it started eating him up and he had to tell me.

Such a cliché. All the guilty guys always say they couldn't keep it up. (As if that makes it better that he went to the lengths to find this place, go there and stick his dick through a hole). It's always the first and only time too.

Aren't you repulsed?

As if that makes it better that he went to the lengths to find this place, go there and stick his dick through a hole

Yeah, I've been spun the same line. I stand by what i said that you've got more to worry about from all the time he must have spent fantasising and planning; to me (from experience) that feels like the equivalent to the sexual version of an emotional affair. For me personally that was one of the hardest things to get over, that my ex didn't think all of that planning and organising was betraying me as much as the acts. He didn't think for a second that that was something I needed to know, or deserved to.

Of course you do what you've got to do OP, it's your life. best of luck

Its not going to be easy getting over it all, but i will eventually, it was really planned as far as i know. His friend was talking about it, he looked it up online and went that day, doesnt make it any nicer if im honest. Im not a mug, i didnt forgive him straight away and he got hell for weeks and still is now, but im not going to throw my relationship away because of a minor disturbance.

I feel like i need to come off this thread now maybe delete it, as ny mental health is just deteriorating each day and this isn't really helping me, i honestly thought I'd get some success storys and make me feel abit more optimisitic, thanks again for your responses, but i just cant cope at the minute. Hopefully one day ill get through it and be happy and get the trust back.

Wasn't really planned*

Sorry that you're in such pain . Sorry you're not getting the sort of answers you hoped for, but it's really unlikely there's a happy ending here.

I disagree, I think there can be a happy ending. It not unusual for guys to find it difficult to get aroused in such situations due to anxiety. It’s super common. Doesn’t mean he was spinning a line.

The anonymous nature of things like Glory Holes etc can completely blur the lines of what is and what is not considered cheating and can lead to people making mistakes.

My only thought would be the temptation to do it again if it’s attached to a kink of his which to be honest... given his unprovoked confession (which is damn hard to do) and level of remorse I think is enormously unlikely!

Good luck OP, I hope it all works out for you both! Make him sweat though!!

its not a healthy way to be, i never wanted to become this person
And this won't change.
It will eat you up inside.
You are 2 years in.
I'm assuming you have no real ties and no DC?
You've walked away before from cheaters and you should again.
He's no different to the others. He really ISN'T.
No matter how much you try to justify it in your head. He's a cheat.
He cheated for no reason at all.

He cheated early on in your relationship.
And now he has YOU feeling sorry for HIM.
He's good, I'll give him that!!!!

I couldn't forgive. I tried for about a day but I knew I would never feel the same about him again.
He changed in my mind completely.
He went from someone who loved me and protected me to someone who could hurt me so much. The pain was awful.
It took me a year to start to feel like myself again.

Soooo.. sounds like he stuck his dick through a hole and another lady sucked him off

He blamed it on curiosity and you want to give it another try with him
Well... considering your trackrecord with previous boyfriends and your current boyfriends behaviour, i would say: run!

I don't think I could get past that op. He specifically went to some place where he could stick his dick through a hole, and someone, Male or female, would perform a sex act on him? And I say Male or female because he doesn't actually see the person so doesn't know? Did he pay for it?

There is cheating which is a drunken shag, through to affairs, but this is as seedy as fuck and I don't think I could be with someone who deliberately went and did that then cried like a baby after. Honestly that's repugnant.

I'm sorry @puta91, I didn't mean to make you feel worse by naming what it was. I was hoping that if it was similar, you might feel a bit less alone.

All the best

Can someone tell me how to delete this thread please?

My dp didn't cheat but he kept something from me and it still felt like a massive betrayal when I found it. I felt like I no longer knew him and it was touch and go for a while. We worked through it and are happy now but every now and then I'll have a wobble and it will play on my mind again. When this happens I talk to him and he reassures me. He never gets annoyed and is patient and understanding.

He made a mistake as many people do but I decided that we had something worth saving. Only you can decide if it's the same for you and the way your dp chooses to behave from now on will also play a part.

I though glory holes was more a gay thing? I didn't think it was very common for women to be the ones performing the sexual acts, it's usually men?

I did. He had a one night stand not even a year into our relationship. Won't ever regret forgiving him and giving things another go as we've since had 2 beautiful children. I never let the affair go and never fully trusted him and he knew it. I dont think he ever fully trusted me either, I think he always thought I might seek revenge fo make things even. We broke up 5 years ago and even though there were a lot of reasons why our relationship ended, what he'd done all those years ago was a contributing factor.

You can press 'report' on your original post and contact MN that way, or you can just 'hide' the thread, OP.

If i hide the thread does this mean its deleted and noone can see it, the comments are getting too much now and is making me feel much worse, if anyone can tell me how to delete this please i would appreciate it, I'm new on here so dont know how it works.

Hiding it will mean you don't see it anymore, but it still exists and people may still post on it if they want.
If you report it, you can ask for it to be deleted.
You can't just delete it yourself.

Puta if you are still reading - don't come on forums whilst you are still so raw invest in some good quality personal therapy where you can work out how to do what you want. This has to be your decision - stories of others making it work or not making it work really wont help you, however having someone trained to support you through the decision making process might mean you have the right type of support if the outcome gets tougher for you.

@puta91 message admin and ask them to remove it.

For what it's worth. I think with a strong relationship with communication etc. you can get past this.

Good Luck and stay strong