Is it ever okay to go through your partners phone?

[Dakota89]

Just looking for different opinions, I've wondered this as my partner has seemed very off lately. Hasnt seemed himself for a few months very distant doesnt seem to want to spend much time together and isnt affectionate. It has crossed my mind that he may well be talking to someone else but obviously he says he isnt and its left as that. Now would you or have you ever gone through a partners phone? I've been tempted to I wont lie but at the same time I would feel pretty crap if I did.

I did with my exh, often, right from early on in our relationship. In hindsight he treated me terribly but I was very young and he was much older. If I met him now, we’d never have a second date never mind a relationship.

With my current partner, it has never crossed my mind. He’s one of those Mavericks who doesn’t even have a passcode on his phone too!

I think if you want to look, even if you find nothing at all, it is symptomatic that something is wrong in the relationship.

Sorry

No never.

Shows lack of trust and something is wrong in the relationship if you feel insecure and the need to.

Not unless you really strongly suspect they're up to something. Usually our gut instincts are correct I'm afraid. Its not the best way to go about things but, if he denies it (which of course he would), how else do you find out?

I never have but would definitely do so if I was suspicious.

Yes, definitely look - you owe it to yourself in this situation.
Nothing wrong in going with your gut instinct - it's there to protect you.
If you are right, you can start planning, rather than being in this awful uncertain position, whilst he's fine having the best of both worlds.
If all's well, good, and no harm done.

@SemperIdem I'm also quite a lot younger than my partner. He doesnt treat me bad in the sense of the way he talks to me he doesnt ignore me its just all affection and effort seems to have suddenly (and I mean overnight) gone. He works a lot and the time he is here is very rare it all seems to have come at once.

I never have but in my last relationship he gave me his passcode saying he had nothing to hide. A few weeks later my gut told me something was off, I looked. He’d messaged another woman, he’d been on a sex site, had kept 17 message threads from ex gf’s before me. Filthy photo’s the lot.

He blamed me for the demise of our relationship saying I should never have looked as he’d never have been unfaithful and it was my fault.

Grim.

Yes look.

If you feel you need to, do it. It does show something is missing in your relationship if you feel the need such as lack of trust though. But if it puts your mind at ease it could be worth it.

Or alternatively you could ask to go through his phone ... his reaction will give you your answer. But that's a tricky one, he could turn it round on you.

@MaeveDidIt My gut has been telling me for weeks something isnt right. I dont think he is going out and physically cheating but I'm 95% sure just by his actions that there is someone else hes paying all his attention to.

@SMellisa If I was to ask he would say no because it shows I dont trust him so that is already a no go. I've been with him years now and this is the first time I have ever felt something wasnt right I just cant explain it

No. The relationship has issues of you have the snoop on a partner.

@crappyday2018 That's exactly it, I would never know I would have to take his word

@Miniloso Sounds exactly like what happened with my ex partner. I know my current partners passcode unless he has changed it, he used to ask me to answer calls or texts for him...hasnt done that in a long time either

@NorthernSpirit Up until this point I did trust him, never had my doubts. But.. for someone to all of a sudden act as if you dont exist and change the way they are towards you completely, I'm sure it would cross most peoples minds that there is something going on. Or maybe it's just me.

I'd look to, but then I wouldn't mind him looking at mine either.

Similar with my exh @Dakota89. I honestly don’t think he is a bad person, he’s a wonderful dad to our daughter and we co-parent very well and amicably. It just wasn’t a good relationship, in the end. We shared some fantastic times and true life experiences but he always believed I would leave and treated me as such, I can see with hindsight.

@Cuppa12345 I wouldn't care if he went on mine I dont have anything on my phone I dont even have any social media whereas he does and his phone is constantly going off

@SemperIdem I wonder if in a way that's what's going on, in my mind I think we are just drifting apart but I just feel like with such a drastic change with the effort hes putting into the relationship I cant help but think there is something more to it.

Well, you won't find out if you don't look.

Yeah, it's rubbish to say you only look if there's sonething wrong in the relationship. If, for example, you have kids and a boyfriend you would be mad not to check once in a while. I would feel no guilt about this. I want to be as sure as possible who I'm sleeping next to. I have nothing to hide on my phone either.
Just check, the sky won't fall in.

I would. I’d want to know if my sexual health was being compromised

@IfNot we do have a child together, glad to know I'm not being irrational. It's now trying to get an opportunity to do it seeing as its glued to him

@SteadyAreYouReady I dont need to worry about that, he hadnt gone near me in over a year

Hasn't *