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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

would you say this is emotional abuse or just a typical man as he says he is ? Can be loving too

52 replies

Northorder · 28/07/2019 16:28

Threatens to destroy me /annihilate me if we split up and I can take the kids if we have a difference of opinion. Screams and shouts at me with a menancig f face in front of the kids. Does the same to the kids bear in mind one is 20 months and 3 and calls them wankers and faggots if they cry. They both don't know whether they were coming or going but he also plays with them and is loving.Grabs my eldest by collar and made her cry she was so scared. I told him enough is enough and he says all men are like this. Called me namest, threw my stuff on floor in front of kids and told me to leave asap. His house as I left mine to be with him and had a tenancy. Had to go to ab&b . Burnt myself with hit oil one day cooking and asked for some cream but said tell someone who fucking cares and had to get a taxi by myself. I said to him that's wrong and he said well I don't hit you but has come up to my face and lunches his bag and says I know what you want whilst looking at me punching his punch bag.

Calls me all sorts of names. Other wise always says he is very faithful and he never out at night and alwys wanted to be with me. Wanted sex every night nearly and often stuff I didn't want.kooks at himself in the mirror flexing his muscles and saying I am with the best lol. Wouldsay lovely stuff. Charming to all the neighbours and everyone.
More to story but can't say but you get the gist.

OP posts:
RRJR · 28/07/2019 16:30

Really? You have to ask? Hmm

He grabbed your child by the collar and left her petrified. Why the hell are you anywhere near this man?

Aussiebean · 28/07/2019 16:30

I read the first sentence and went nope, my dh has never spoken to me like that.

So yes he is abusive to you AND your children.

MrsMozartMkII · 28/07/2019 16:30

Run.

Run as fast and as far as you can.

Fooferella · 28/07/2019 16:31

Yes. He is an abusive twat. You need to LTB before he does worse to you or your kids. That is not normal male behaviour at all.

Thequaffle · 28/07/2019 16:32

I haven’t read the full OP but the first few lines are enough. This is not a typical man.
L
T
B

user1498854363 · 28/07/2019 16:34

Op what you described is physical abuse and hugely damaging to you and your kids. Get out and take them with you.
I don’t believe it is usual or normal behaviour but regardless why would you accept such behaviour for you let alone your kids. Protect them to tell social services so they can!

Calmingvibrations · 28/07/2019 16:34

Just one of those things once would have me throwing him out or me leaving. Your poor poor kids. Poor you too as well, but you have a choice. They do not.

If you’re not sure that this is a mans normal behaviour then go ahead, as people in real life. Give social care a call and ask them or the health visitor.

If I heard anyone I knew (male or female) doing that - I’d never speak to them again. Disgusting.

Please don’t put your kids through this

user1498854363 · 28/07/2019 16:35

Protect them or tell SS so they can.

What do you want?

tomtom1999xx · 28/07/2019 16:35

He sounds really horrible op.
So sad how many women put up with this sort of behaviour. It’s not normal!
Please seek help & advice from women’s aid.

AhhhHereItGoes · 28/07/2019 16:35

If you have to ask you should stay single.
He's abusing you and those poor kids.
Leave and do not go back.
Work on your self respect.

FurryTurnipHead · 28/07/2019 16:36

Appallingly abusive to you and your children. This is not a typical man, this is an abuser. Keep yourself and your children safe by getting out as soon as possible.

Notthebradybunch · 28/07/2019 16:36

Leave! ASAP

ysmaem · 28/07/2019 16:38

Please leave this horrific relationship. If not for yourself then for the sake of thos poor, innocent children.

Mabelface · 28/07/2019 16:40

Mate, he's a nasty shit who's in love with himself and no one else. His behaviour isn't normal at all and you and the kids are at serious risk of you stay with him. I'd recommend contacting women's aid and having a chat with them. I know leaving seems impossible right now, but there is a way out.

Northorder · 28/07/2019 16:41

We did leave thank God but can't say much more at the moment.. I put that in the title as like I said can't say much more. My kids are my number priority.

OP posts:
ThatCurlyGirl · 28/07/2019 16:43

I never do this but I haven't read past the first three sentences of your post.

Fucking hell OP, come on - you cannot keep your children in this situation.

You are not providing your children with a safe and secure - allowing them to be treated this way is unbelievable.

Sorry to be harsh but those poor kids.

ememem84 · 28/07/2019 16:43

Leave.

That’s not normal “man stuff” that’s abusive dickwad stuff.

WeArnottamused · 28/07/2019 16:44

No this is not “normal/typical male behaviour” it’s abusive male behaviour, you really need to be protecting yourself & your babies from this abusive man.

Run & don’t look back

WeArnottamused · 28/07/2019 16:45

Cross posted, well done on leaving op, please don’t ever go back

TalentedMsRipley · 28/07/2019 16:45

What the actual feck??? Why do you have to ask?? Get those babies away from this man.

CherryPavlova · 28/07/2019 16:46

Your children and your own welfare absolutely have to be your priority. It is not normal man behaviour. It is nastiness.

ThatCurlyGirl · 28/07/2019 16:46

Cross posted. Thank god.

I honestly don't mean to be patronising but I think it would be really helpful for you to get some counselling.

You say your kids are your number one priority, and I believe you mean that, but you watched them be treated the way you described in your first post. Repeatedly - not one off events but repeated, abusive behaviour.

They absolutely weren't put first then and for yours and their sake, and to avoid getting into any future abusive relationships, some counselling would be really beneficial Thanks

CurvyInAllTheWrongPlaces · 28/07/2019 16:48

OP, run and keep running, never, ever go back.

Hotterthanahotthing · 28/07/2019 16:48

Well done for getting out.Now you and your chldren can move towards a better life.
Don't give in.Flowers

Northorder · 28/07/2019 16:51

There is more to what I wrote for privacy reasons. He got worse early in the year that's when I said enough and left.. Talking to lady she said her other half is worse but stays with him! The title is off putting due to not being able to say much more. I can't believe he turned out like that.

OP posts: