Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

would you say this is emotional abuse or just a typical man as he says he is ? Can be loving too

52 replies

Northorder · 28/07/2019 16:28

Threatens to destroy me /annihilate me if we split up and I can take the kids if we have a difference of opinion. Screams and shouts at me with a menancig f face in front of the kids. Does the same to the kids bear in mind one is 20 months and 3 and calls them wankers and faggots if they cry. They both don't know whether they were coming or going but he also plays with them and is loving.Grabs my eldest by collar and made her cry she was so scared. I told him enough is enough and he says all men are like this. Called me namest, threw my stuff on floor in front of kids and told me to leave asap. His house as I left mine to be with him and had a tenancy. Had to go to ab&b . Burnt myself with hit oil one day cooking and asked for some cream but said tell someone who fucking cares and had to get a taxi by myself. I said to him that's wrong and he said well I don't hit you but has come up to my face and lunches his bag and says I know what you want whilst looking at me punching his punch bag.

Calls me all sorts of names. Other wise always says he is very faithful and he never out at night and alwys wanted to be with me. Wanted sex every night nearly and often stuff I didn't want.kooks at himself in the mirror flexing his muscles and saying I am with the best lol. Wouldsay lovely stuff. Charming to all the neighbours and everyone.
More to story but can't say but you get the gist.

OP posts:
HoveringHobbit · 28/07/2019 16:56

Leave as fast as you possibly can

NottonightJosepheen · 28/07/2019 16:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FuckYouChrisAndThatHorse · 28/07/2019 16:58

A normal man is kind and thoughtful. He remembers what you like. He would be really upset to hear that something he did frightened you. He is kind. He looks after the kids, does his share of stuff (because he doesn’t want to be a freeloader). He might be selfish sometimes, but no more than you might be. When you disagree, he doesn’t call you names, and you come to some kind of compromise - sometimes it’s more his way, sometimes it’s more yours. He doesn’t tell you how great he is, he shows you. A normal man will check you’re okay if injured and get what you need. A normal man doesn’t use his strength to scare children.

He’s not normal. Really not.

weleasewoderick22 · 28/07/2019 17:01

Well done for leaving OP, please don't be tempted to go back. The very next time he tries something ( which he might as he's said he will annihilate you) please, please GET THE POLICE!

There are women murdered by their partners every day, it really is that serious.

In time, look into doing the Freedom Programme which will show you that this is not a normal relationship.
The link is here https://www.freedomprogramme.co.uk/

Good luck! And keep posting if it helps, there is a lot of support here. Thanks

TowelNumber42 · 28/07/2019 17:03

Quite often women who are in denial go around spouting nonsense about "oh, all men are like that". Your friend is one of them. Ignore. Or at least realise she's telling you something about herself, it's not about your ex really.

You did the right thing by leaving. The vast majority of men are nothing like that. If you are meeting many such awful men then you need to change the lake you are swimming in.

Rockinmomma · 28/07/2019 17:05

How long have you been out? Has he attempted contact? Are you in a safe place?
I’m so glad you left but please, read the signs or write it all down, this man sounds like he may not let go easily!
Personally, I’d contact the police so it’s recorded in the event he finds you!

PickAChew · 28/07/2019 17:05

He's an absolute fucking arsehole who clearly has a lot of absolute fucking arsehole mates.

MrsMozartMkII · 28/07/2019 17:06

So glad you're out. That's no way to live.

PanamaPattie · 28/07/2019 17:07

A.

LadyOfTheFlowers · 28/07/2019 17:15

LTB

RoarkesMagicCoats · 28/07/2019 17:17

Thank god you've left. Well done and I hope your new life is one full of happiness Thanks

Bookworm4 · 28/07/2019 17:18

No normal father treats his babies like that, my heart sank reading that. I’m so glad you’ve left and NEVER go back.

Tavannach · 28/07/2019 17:22

0808 2000 247 Women's Aid.

You need to get yourself and your kids away from him as soon as possible. If you allow him to abuse your children you will be as guilty as he is.

Tavannach · 28/07/2019 17:24

Sorry, I missed that you'd actually left.

Well done for getting your children away from him. I hope everything works out, and life gets much better for you all from now on.

Isatis · 28/07/2019 17:32

There is absolutely no way that is "typical man" stuff and he must be seriously warped if he thinks it is. If it's typical of anything, it's the behaviour of a neanderthal and incredibly stupid thug.

Calmingvibrations · 28/07/2019 17:44

Well done on leaving. Halo - I hope you are ok x

Bluetrews25 · 28/07/2019 17:50

Very glad you are out. Your DCs will thank you for it.
That is emotional abuse, and it also could have been rape? Wanting sex nearly every night and wanting things you didn't like? Did you always consent?

Wishing you and the DCs happiness in your new lives.

MinxyMoos · 28/07/2019 19:41

At best this person has a personality disorder/ psychopathic tendancies- lovely charming to outsiders and a completely opposite indoors. Look up narcissistic c^$@- that's him.

Never be sorry you left his sorry a%$#. The act of leaving him and staying strong will change so many lives for better. Trust me, people have died living with people like him, but he still won't change. Dont waste any iota of energy thinking about him and lamenting instead be angry that you wasted past energy on him. Anger is a better driver than "ohhh, but I love him"

Stapelberg · 28/07/2019 19:51

My dear, these kind of men have got a tendency to keep you dependent on them. They break you down w words until there's nothing left. They will once in a while say something beautiful to make a little light of hope shine in your heart ♥, just to bully you again. And those poor children will grow up to think that this really is 'normal male behaviour' and never expect better for themselves or, if they're boys, treat the women in their lives (you included!) the same say. I agree w precious posts, CONTACT WOMEN'S AID ASAP, they will arrange safe accommodation for you and the kids, councelling, and help you work on your resilience to NEVER fall for his manipulative behaviours again (and he will try, believe me!)
Well done for leaving this narcissistic, mean, childish, damaged, pathetic, lowlife excuse of a man.

You're worth more and you owe it to yourself and your kids to NOT ENTER INTO ANOTHER RELATIONSHIP until you are emotionally completely whole and able to protect yourself and your kids, and strong enough to know what YOU want.

💐 To you all.

Bubbly188 · 28/07/2019 20:51

That is d v... There are refuses that domestic violence can put you in and keep u all safe... Take all important documents to a friends house ie birth certs, passport, drivers licence, its bad enough doing that to you but you can loose your children by staying in that place with hi.m

Obe134577 · 28/07/2019 22:45

Hi there. So I'm not a parent or mum. But saw your post on an article link and just want to say: take the gender out of this to understand if someone or something is abusive. Yes, he is being abusive. And I am so sorry you have had to deal with this. I hope that you can find some way to get out of there. And maybe get to a shelter or refuge with your family. Please if you can try find or plan a way out. There's always a way. Everything you named sounds abusive basically. So sorry you've had to go through this.

Northorder · 31/07/2019 17:09

we have been out 2 months now nearly 3 but 2 months ago he found me and took one of sons who is 3 whilst we were walking he just grabbed him. He lives 100 miles away from me. im devastated and autorities have been useless they say its wrong how he took my son but didnt do anything. I am re appealing legal aid as i have no money and family can help but not financially.

He is definitely a narc. I looked it up and we would discuss something and I would say you are unreasonable and he would say what say I am accusing him of being a paedo when i only said 'you can be very unreasonable. He says things that I never said or would even think of saying. he is shocking.

He said he would destroy me and he is giving it a good go. This needs to go to court, sadly emotional abuse and threats isnt enough for legal aid.Pray I get my appeal. I cant say much more now. He would even lock gates at night and sleep with baseball bats, had cameras in house so getting out at night would have been impossible on my own let alone with kids but I done it only for him to take my son anyway.

OP posts:
Northorder · 31/07/2019 17:18

All because i stood up to him one morning when he started his menancing screaming at my 20 month old toddler over a bowl of cereal he told me to get out of his house in front of my kids. I suppose if he had caught me with another bloke it might have been better but I was loyal to him my family. I have thoughts of what did I do so bad??? Why I only stood up to him and said to stop screaming at my son.

OP posts:
Epona1 · 31/07/2019 17:42

So he’s taken your son and not returned him?

YippeeKayakOtherBuckets · 31/07/2019 17:46

Does he have parental responsibility? His name on your sons birth certificate or you were married. If not the police have been useless and they absolutely should get him back for you.