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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

I feel uneasy!

103 replies

Moofreemum1 · 26/07/2019 15:25

Posted a thread about this guy I was dating for 6 weeks! He was very intense at the end and didn't take to me calling it off. I got lots of huge long messages saying how upset he was, that maybe I could think about my decision etc. I told him he was making me uncomfortable and to stop. From that point I haven't replied to his texts. Yet he still keeps sending texts. One was apologising saying how overwhelming he had been and pretty much implied that we will be friends as how could we not.
Today's text was about seeing me on his way to the dentist when I was at the dentist. Bit of a coincidence we would be there at the same time. How he said he panicked and went down some random road as didn't know how yo deal seeing me. Thought it was a weird message. Yet again I haven't replied. Should I block him? I made it very clear to stop and he was making me uncomfortable. I just think if he continues and I haven't blocked him I have evidence of messages and if he escalates then I would have the messages to back it it.

I'm feeling really uneasy about this guy

OP posts:

JK1773 · 26/07/2019 15:31

I remember your other thread. I’d usually say block but it seems like he’s now following you and maybe you might need evidence. If he doesn’t stop messaging you report him for harassment. He’s very intense isn’t he! Poor you

Ozziewozzie · 26/07/2019 15:31

I had a horrific stalker who was just like this. Keep all records. However police can only warn him. If he doesn’t listen they can then all but warn him again. I ended up having to move away and change my name. Some people just aren’t very well mentally. You’re doing the right thing in ignoring him. No matter how tempting it is, do not respond. If you’re scared, dial 999. I’d rather look like an idiot than end up dead!

MsPavlichenko · 26/07/2019 15:31

Block him on everything and keep a back up of his previous messages. Hopefully that will see an end to it. If not you should contact the police.

Nickki78 · 26/07/2019 15:33

Just block the guy and hope he gets the message

Needsomebottle · 26/07/2019 15:36

If you have asked him to stop and he hasn't, and you have evidence of that on text I would block him. That alone should be sufficient to demonstrate that the attention was unwanted, that he knew it, and yet has continued. By blocking him (particularly if you use WhatsApp and he can see the messages aren't delivered) it will further demonstrate to him that you mean it, and in the event it does escalate, shows you made a concerted effort to avoid him, so I think supports your case.

I would block, not blocking hasn't got through to him. That might. If you want different results you have to do something different. If that makes sense?! At the very least you won't have to know about his texts if he's blocked. Good luck. Hope he slopes off and leaves you alone.

Original poster

Moofreemum1 · 26/07/2019 15:36

The reason I'm asking is because logically you need evidence for stalking and without proof he is harassing me I can't do much.
To the PP who said they just warned him the law has changed now I believe, it's alot more stricter.
I contacted the police to get him checked for Clare's law. I'm still waiting to here back but I rang them today to give some updated personal info. But I was going to mention to him how intense he's being and what their advice was. Only got his voicemail though

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AttilaTheMeerkat · 26/07/2019 15:37

Keep a record of his messages and do not at all respond to anything he sends you. I would now seriously consider contacting the police as this has escalated from initially messaging you. This man sounds like "the Loser" and they are always but always abusers:-

www.drjoecarver.com/clients/49355/File/IdentifyingLosers.html

AttilaTheMeerkat · 26/07/2019 15:39

You've told him to stop and he has ignored your request. You have messages from him, that is also evidence here. You are being harassed by this individual.

Needsomebottle · 26/07/2019 15:39

Police can pursue a harassment charge. Often they give a warning first as for the best chance of conviction they have to demonstrate that the suspect knew their contact was unwanted and further contact would amount to harassment for which they could be prosecuted. It's a process they do to a) try and resolve it and b) ensure the best chance of CPS taking it forward to court if necessary. They can go straight to a harassment charge in some cases, but often go through the warning step first for those reasons. Definitely report to the police if he continues.

hellsbellsmelons · 26/07/2019 15:40

Should I block him?
I can't believe you need to ask this.
I can't believe you haven't already done it.
Good grief, do it NOW!!!!
And maybe look into why you are a people pleaser.
Many of us are but you need to protect yourself here. Not him!!!

Pinkbonbon · 26/07/2019 15:40

Eeech, we've all met one of them.

Hmm, sometimes if they are insistent enough they just find other ways to get in touch. I had one date with a guy once and told him I didn't want to see him again but he kept texting so I blocked his calls. Couldn't figure out how to block his texts on one app so switched to another and blocked there and about 6 months later I switched back...within a day I had a 'hey' message and 2 calls (unanswered) off him. My guess is he had been trying to get through every so often all that time.

I think if I were you I would block (and set my social media to private too ect) also be careful of any mutual acquaintances that may share info with him. And just be wary. Might be wise to change your locks if he has been in your house at all too.

How long has he been texting without answer since you told him it was over?

Pinkbonbon · 26/07/2019 15:44

But I was going to mention to him how intense he's being and what their advice was. Only got his voicemail though

So, you called him!?! What were you thinking! Well, you've done it now so might as well text him 'please stop contacting me' (assuming you didn't already say this? Or at least as bluntly?) and then block him. Hopefully that will be that.

BertrandRussell · 26/07/2019 15:47

Send one last message saying that he is harassing you and if he contacts you again you will report him to the police. Then block him in everything.

Aquamarine1029 · 26/07/2019 15:55

Any response he gets from you will only fuel his fire. Do not respond to him.

Original poster

Moofreemum1 · 26/07/2019 16:01

@pinkbonbon I called the police guy that got assigned to me for Clare's law! Not the guy who's harassing me!

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Original poster

Moofreemum1 · 26/07/2019 16:07

The thing that's worried me is the dentist thing. Like he's watching me maybe? Could be a coincidence but he should be at work
For people saying why haven't you blocked him? Because I watched evidence if he escalates.

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hoolahoolahoop · 26/07/2019 16:11

If you block him he doesn't know though does he? He still thinks the messages have been sent as normal?
If you're going to ignore him anyway I wouldn't block so you have the evidence just in case.

hellsbellsmelons · 26/07/2019 16:20

I had to block for him to get the message loud and clear.
I tried to be nice etc.....
But it didn't work.
Blocking was the only thing that made him back off.

Original poster

Moofreemum1 · 26/07/2019 16:21

I guess I'm worried that blocking him might cause him to escalate too. Because he made the point of saying he hated rejection

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Pinkbonbon · 26/07/2019 16:22

The comment he made about being nervous seeing you though....sounds like he just saw you and is using it as an excuse to keep texting you.

Do u not think the Clare's law thing is a bit much? I mean you aren't seeing him anymore so...?

I mean it's all very well us freaking out but you haven't said how long he has been texting you for since you ended it. If it's been weeks and he is still texting you every day even though you aren't replying then fair enough, that is harassment. But if its just been a few extra texts from someone a bit slow getting the message then...calling the police is a bit of an overreaction.

Original poster

Moofreemum1 · 26/07/2019 16:25

I asked for Clare's law when we were seeing each other because of some stuff he said and after being in an abusive relationship previously and in a refuge I did not want to end up back in that situation. I called it off a week ago. And made it very clear I didn't want to speak to him for him to leave me alone. Yet he is still finding excuses to text me

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ChristmasFluff · 26/07/2019 16:27

I think you should be contacting the Police anyway. this is not normal, and when stalkers see you do nothing about it, they continue.

You already have enough proof of harrassment, and if blocking him causes him to escalate, there is even more proof. Block him. It sends a strong message he is not wanted, and also it is what the Police will advise you to do anyway.

Rather than wait to speak to the Clare's Law Police officer, call the non-emergency Police number and speak to them. They will be very understanding, and probably will send someone to speak to him informally as a first thing. This may do the trick.

Him contacting you again after you have blocked him and the Police have spoken to him will then be grounds for prosecution, and the Police will handle it. You can also get advice from Women's Aid.

Pinkbonbon · 26/07/2019 16:28

Ah I cc that makes sense then. I still think blocking is best. I dunno if it will tell him his messages aren't getting through but at least he'll see you aren't opening them (and u won't be tempted to).

Does he know where you live?

Madlove · 26/07/2019 16:32

I understand you not wanting to block him. I was in a similar position with someone I went out with for a year and I wanted to know if/when he was going to turn up and what he was saying.

He did make some horrible threats in a phone call which I reported and the police turned up in half an hour.

Original poster

Moofreemum1 · 26/07/2019 16:33

On WhatsApp the message doesn't send and your profile pic blanks out. So I think he will know. He didn't take to me unfriending on social media well.
Yes he knows where I live

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