I feel uneasy!

[Moofreemum1]

Posted a thread about this guy I was dating for 6 weeks! He was very intense at the end and didn't take to me calling it off. I got lots of huge long messages saying how upset he was, that maybe I could think about my decision etc. I told him he was making me uncomfortable and to stop. From that point I haven't replied to his texts. Yet he still keeps sending texts. One was apologising saying how overwhelming he had been and pretty much implied that we will be friends as how could we not.
Today's text was about seeing me on his way to the dentist when I was at the dentist. Bit of a coincidence we would be there at the same time. How he said he panicked and went down some random road as didn't know how yo deal seeing me. Thought it was a weird message. Yet again I haven't replied. Should I block him? I made it very clear to stop and he was making me uncomfortable. I just think if he continues and I haven't blocked him I have evidence of messages and if he escalates then I would have the messages to back it it.

I'm feeling really uneasy about this guy

If you block him on your phone he won’t know. He will just think you are ignoring him and with a person like this they might be more likely to turn up unexpectedly.

@madlove oh god! Did he stop after that?

Yes he would know on WhatsApp but not text.

You need to report him to the police asap. I left a year long relationship as it wasnt working. I was not prepared for what followed. Constant texts, messages on social media. When I blocked the profiles or changed my number he'd create new profiles and get a new sim card. He used to post letters through my door during the night. I once woke up to a big cardboard sign attached to my front garden fence that said I love you across it. I was mortified. Ran out and ripped it down. I was concerned at this point but thought it would end eventually. Wrong. I was shopping in a supermarket one day when an employee approached me and said "is your name --?" I said "yes" she said "- has asked me to give you these'' and handed me a big bunch of flowers. Omg I was mortified. I left my trolley and walked out. I rang the police as soon as I got home. They give him a warning and I haven't heard from him since. Its awful to feel you are being watched and followed. Just report him. You have nothing lose and a lot to gain.

Yes he did back off after that although I had an email saying he was at an event and did I want to meet up. I was actually there at the time so that spooked me.

And another email where he said he was moving to my area (he lived 30 miles away) and we would be bumping into each other much more . I have never seen him around though but do wonder from time to time and don’t trust him.

Damn. Do you stay with others who could help look out for you?

Think I would have blocked him at the same time I unfriended on social media as now...he might feel it's like you attacking his ego twice.

I'd still do it xD but might be wise to stay somewhere else/with someone for a few days too, just in case.

@pinkbonbon it's just me and my son who is here. I've stayed at my parents the nights I haven't had my son as I didn't want to stay alone in my house incase he made an unannounced trip

Also just spoke to my ex as my parents aren't taking it seriously and me and DS are friendly. Apparently this guy ive been dating goes to the same gym as ex as just showed him a pic and ex said I wondered why this guy kept staring at me all the time.
Thing is I never showed the guy a pic of my ex and I don't have my ex on any social media or any pics of us together!!

D's dad*

Who showed who the photo?

Well I sent my ex a screen shot of his messages that were concerning me. And his profile pic was in the top so he saw that and said he's seen him in the gym and he constantly states at him

This is not good OP.
I could call 101 and log all of this behaviour.
I would also send him a final text telling him you are blocking him on everything and have filed a report with the police.
Hopefully that will make him back off.

I'm feeling worried now. Especially since I live alone. I thought people might tell me I'm being silly like my parents

Next time ex is in the gym and sees him, could he pretend to make a call to someone and mention he has got back with you, the mother of his child. Then the man will hopefully think 'ah she has a man watching out for her'.

I mean normally it isn't wise because when men feel that you are 'theirs' they can escalate when another man arrives on the scene but in this case seen as it is your ex and you only knew creepy a gew weeks - it might scare him off? Just a thought.

Just a thought.

Or better still, could your ex stay over for a couple of weeks?

No you are not being silly here and why would your parents think that of you anyway?. That comment as well makes me wonder what you learnt about relationships when you were growing up.

You've become a target of a stalker.

@pinkbonbon doubt ex would stay over he has a gf.

@attilathemeerkat my parents have and has had a disfunctional relationship. I don't think my mum sees anything wrong and thinks I'm making a song and dance. She also never ever confronts anyone and hates to do so. I've been in counselling for that and I know I've witnessed awful ways. Thankfully I've spotted red flags quickly this time but after 6 weeks he has before very attached!

Do you really need to ask if you should block him? Unless you're enjoying his pleading, blocking him is the only thing you can and should do. There's no need to give him anymore courtesy, you have ended the relationship and not lead him on further so his refusal to accept it is his own problem.

Just seen your update, if it makes you feel better by all means log it with the police. Otherwise, don't let this stress you too much. There's not much difference between ignoring messages and blocking. He'll get the message either way and hopefully nothing more will come of it. Just be careful, he's probably just behaving desperately hoping his whining and pining will wear you down.

Moo I have been in this position recently and I know how scary it can be. Have you told him to stop contact at least once? The legal definition of harrassment is two or more occasions of unwanted contact so if you have told him to stop and he's contacted you more than this then you have enough evidence already to go to the police.

I was told during my case though that the police dont give warnings anymore so you will have to decide whether to prosecute for harrassment. It may be different in your area though.

If you dont feel ready to go to the police, what I would do is block him on everything and (phone, email, social media) and if he bypasses this (e.g calling from withheld number, showing up at your house etc.) then rung the police. If he does show up at your house, do not answer the door and call 999.

He is very likely a narcissist and you have caused a narcissistic injury by ending the relationship. What he is doing at the moment is called hoovering (although what this actually is is harrassment) and hopefully he will give up fairly soon and move on to an easier victim if you remain silent and do not respond to any of his contact attempts. Brace yourself as he may move onto the smear campaign if you have caused sufficient narc injury (e.g. my ex tried to get me fired from my job by contacting my employer to make false allegations). I think it is unlikely he will try this given the relatively short relationship but you never know with these batshit dickheads. It's less likely (though not impossible) that he will become one of those horror story stalkers you read about and I'm sure he will give up soon and look for other narc supply.

It's really hit and miss with the police sometimes in cases like this but if they dont take you seriously, tell them how this is impacting you and that you are scared. The police are supposed to use how a victim feels about the risk posed an ex partner to assess how high risk your case is, along with other factors but dont let them fob you off (I've experienced this in the past). Ask to speak to a safeguarding officer who are specially trained in domestic violence.

I really hope this idiot gets the message and leaves you alone. Sadly he will just move on to another poor victim.

Dear Ex-Boyfriend
Please do not contact me again.
I have informed the police regarding your incessant messaging and they have confirmed that if it does not cease to continue they will take the matter into their hands.
Yours faithfully
Mofreemum1

This is what I was advised to do when I called 101 when I was in your situation.
He never bothered me again.

I'd also be tempted to send a message telling him he needs to leave you alone. Your non replies could be what's making him message you so much.

I'd be cautious of this - your parents should be supporting you.

Meant to add - I'd also put exactly what @MaeveDidIt said, except maybe the 'yours faithfully' bit

@jaffacakesaremyfav thank you that's really great advice! My last message to him 4 days ago was:

name you're overwhelming me! It's too much. you shouldn't be taking this so personally. Please can you just stop

Was the clear enough? I don't really want to message him again unless I have to.

Also looked at narcissistic traits and he ticks pretty much all of them!

Oh that's annoying I did put that in paragraphs.