Yes, it’s the pain of knowing that while you have devoted your whole life to caring for him and the children, he CBA to spend even one evening discussing his concerns with you and trying to fix things. According to his version of events.
But of course that assumes that we believe his narrative .
“ Oh I’ve been unhappy for years because of [ list of all your failings ] plus [ list of life circumstances that just happened ] therefore I just [ list of poor decisions that he made reframed as fate ]”.
Whereas in fact this is actually what happened.
His large sense of entitlement and need for constant ego massaging amd selfishness led him to decide to flirt with and then shag someone else. This made him feel guilty, so he avoided family life and generally acted pretty poorly at home. Wife gets upset / angry / feels neglected but doesn’t know why. He then considers that his affair is justified by her behaviour because she isn’t perfect.
He constantly compares her unfavourable to OW and complains about wife to OW. OW loves this of course. This makes husband even more detached or difficult or avoidant at home. It’s a circle.
Thinking that he was unhappy so he cheated is confusing cause and effect.
He destroyed the marriage by his affair. It’s not that the marriage was terrible so he decided to cheat. If that was the case then he would have ended the marriage first and THEN looked for someone else.
OP you need to read The Chump Lady blog about cake eaters. These guys want to have have their cake ( full domestic servicing at home and happy children ) and eat it ( shag OW on the side ). It’s not you, it’s them. They are morally bankrupt.
It’s got fuck all do to with an “ unhappy marriage “.