HELP! DP is unsure about being with me

[MassiveBelly]

So this is my first post (be gentle please).

I'm going to try keep it simple, rather than ramble on like the post I had just written out.

Issue
Partner is unsure whether she wants to be with someone who has kids.

Context
Partner is 21 and at Uni.
Together 2 years.
Fully in love.
Have the kids twice a week.
Just moved in together (shared house with friends).
Looking to move in together next summer.
Both don't want to split.
But both don't want my partner to be unhappy.
Partner had previously been ok with kids being a part of me (albeit the odd doubt, I assume).

She's doubting if she is ready to be with someone who has kids already. I think it's hit home since we've kinda moved in together.

I fully understand her concerns and I don't blame her for having these worries at all but I don't want to lose her, nor do I want her to force herself into something she doesn't 100% want.

Any help would be much appreciated :(

I've just had a revelation. Parent of two kids and a manager at 21. I think this (shared house, younger student girlfriend) might be a subconscious effort to actually have the young life OP didn't have. A chance to replay youth. Which is great for OP but sort of sucks for the kids, who might prefer a stable, not sharing, no young stepmother situation. And also for the GF, who needs her own young student, share house time.

I've seen it with a friend of DH's. married and sprogged young. But still takes drugs, shags around and acts like an idiot in his 40s because he feels he missed out.

I think people are forgetting that they've been together for 2 years so while it's all well and good to say oh she's young and oh she is just realising things now... she did know the OP had two kids when she got together with him so it's a bit unfair of her to have wasted his time for 2 years to then say she isn't sure about the kids.

I'm unsure if the replies would be the same if it was a mother of two and her partner decided 2 years down the line he wasn't sure if he could be bothered with the kids.

You're 27 years old with two kids and living her uni life of living with friends... what do you actually want out of life instead of revolving it around her? It's ok for her, she is 21. She has lots of time to mess around and get her life together where as you will be 30 soon and should be thinking about getting settled. At 19, an adult, she should of had a good think about things before entering into the relationship

To the OP, I think you need to break it off. Your kids come first and if she really wants the child free life, that isn't going to be good for your relationship with her or your relationship with your kids.

I'm unsure if the replies would be the same if it was a mother of two and her partner decided 2 years down the line he wasn't sure if he could be bothered with the kids.

If a 25 yo mother of two got together with a 19 yo student, I'm fairly sure the replies would have been harsher.

I think she's having second thoughts and perhaps this relationship has run its course. Take the pressure off and let her live separately. Perhaps with a bit of space the relationship can carry on.

People change a lot between 18/19 and mid twenties. I did. It can be appealing to be in a family unit but then you see your friends leaving uni going on travels... The world opening up and all of a sudden that family unit seems claustrophobic.

she should of had a good think about things before entering into the relationship

I think the onus should be on the 25 yr old parent of two kids to be the one thinking of the long term likelihood of this relationship working out, not the teenager involved.

I think that at her stage of life now she is thinking of what her options are, when she graduates will she have to move for her career of choice, will she travel for a while, will she even know herself who she is and what she wants? I remember the last day of my college life just sat thinking "now what?" I had spent so much time just focused on getting through the exams that when I stopped and looked up I was completely lost, added to the face that people change so much from late teens to mid twenties, what you imagined life to be like may be very different from reality. This relationship may have just come to it's natural end OP, neither one of you in the wrong, just two people at different stages of life.

Calling a 21 year old a baby is patronising. It's one thing to say she may not be fully mature, but saying 21 is a baby is ridiculous.

If he was a 50 odd year old, then perhaps in comparison one might say that

OP... in all honesty I'd be terribly disappointed if my 21 yo DD settled with someone who had 2 kids.

At that age, I'd feel she can do better than the hassle that comes with step parenting.

Persons she's realised, she would be throwing away much of the time she can do what young single ppl with no ties do.

Neither of you are at fault.

Calling a 21 year old a baby is patronising. It's one thing to say she may not be fully mature, but saying 21 is a baby is ridiculous.

To her face. The idea is to give OP an idea of how far they are from each other in terms of age and life experience.

I think that she’s probably on the verge of finishing with you OP, and plucking up the courage to do so. Maybe you should end it, get it over with.

I don’t think she’s too young for you btw. It’s just clear that she’s drawing away from you. Why prolong this?