Does your DP/DH look at other women in front of you?

[GrumpyCee]

I don’t know if I’m overreacting but I’ve just been out for dinner with my boyfriend. Twice during the meal I saw him stare at two different staff members bottoms.

This is a long standing issue in our relationship. I feel like he constantly stares at other women. He denied that he did look but I know what I saw. I just find the whole thing exhausting and feel like I have lost all sense of perspective, as it annoys me so much. I just want one hour out of the house having a nice time and he’s too busy desperately scanning the room for bums to stare at.

Does your partner do this?

turning my head when a hot guy was in view
This is all you need to do, the instant you see your partner eyeing up other women you turn the tables

I once went on a date with a man I knew who was meant to be a good person but he spent the whole time ogling other women in the pub. It made me feel absolutely rubbish. He was unreliable and rubbish in other ways too so I ended things soon after.

When I go to the supermarket I notice men looking at me sometimes with their wives, it happens a lot less now that I'm older. I think it's really disrespectful to their wives and know that if I was their wife instead, they'd be looking at other girls and women.

I find there are a lot of men who, once they feel they've 'got you,' they move on to wanting to hunt down and get other women. These are not the type of men I want to be involved with.

I work with men who aren't like this, they aren't pervy and they don't make me feel sexualised or uncomfortable so they do exist (they are straight, some are married some not). It just comes down to character. I'm sorry you had people telling you to get over it/put up with it. Ignore them. You shouldn't have to put up with your partner doing disrespectful things and it's ok to not be ok about it.

.

PP have said it is about you and your self esteem but I believe it is about the person doing the staring/ogling and their respect for you. I see hot guys and manage not to strip them with my eyes whilst out as a couple because I am respectful of his feelings, whereas the person I’m seeing has a right good stare occasionally and once did a complete turn when one woman walked past. I was close to ending the relationship.

I am confident about how I look, have good self esteem and have no problem with a quick glance, I do it myself but ogling? I find it off-putting and it lowers my opinion of that person. If someone is with DP/DH/DW, they should not be totally distracted by another attractive person. For me right now there are three options: he reins it in, I tolerate it or I walk. I expect more.

All guys look. Its in our genes

You must lack a proper brain in thise genes if yours hahah

Op. We all look
But some stare.
And that's a difference

He will always deny
And you will always end up feeling bad

So... do the math and get out 😊

Most humans are inclined to look at other humans that they find sexually attractive
it may well be the case that because of all the 'women are from Venus and men are visual creatures' bullshit men feel that society gives them permission to survey attractive females

Humans are visual creatures and we all come from planet earth

I have been the woman being stared at a few times and witnessed girlfriends becoming upset, I felt awkward and absolutely awful about it. I remember a guy once doing it in a shop, he was with his OH and newborn baby. He turned to look at me and she caught him so started having a bitch fit at him, I wanted the ground to swallow me up...

My DH had only been in one long term relationship that had ended a few years before we met. He used to discuss people he found attractive with his ex and vice versa. That was normal to him so he thought I’d be up for it too- I was not at all. His ex did also cheat on him throughout their relationship so I don’t think I’m the lesser person for not accepting him gawping at random women and informing me!

I have caught him glancing at a fair few women and it has always upset me. I admit I have insecurities, most of the time he claims he had no idea he was even doing it.

"Honestly? I have absolutely no idea. I don't follow his eyes when we are out. It's never really crossed my mind to do so."
OP doesn't necessarily follow his eyes when they are out either. She said she noticed him "stare at two different staff members bottoms." Most of us would notice if our partners were staring at something or someone.

A bitch fit??
You see a woman becoming angry because her partner is treating her badly and your response is to ridicule her by describing her reaction as a 'bitch fit'

Thanks everyone. I did try to end it but he’s convinced me to talk about it when I get back from a work trip I’m on at the moment.

He just makes me feel bad about myself. I’m at a hotel which is a mix of leisure and business travellers. I’ve been observing couples around the pool and whilst some men clearly are looking at other women, they are doing it quite discreetly when their OH isn’t looking.

I think if he treated me a bit better generally I wouldn’t feel as insecure about things. He doesn’t show me any affection and has never told me he loves me.

He was out with one of his friends last night until 2am and he sent me various emails telling me that his friend was ‘in his element with loads of pssdd women’ and that his friend was ‘talking about sticking his head in boobs and smashing fnnies so loudly that birds could hear them’.

This is another reason why I don’t think we are compatible. If my friend was behaving like this on a night out I’d be mortified. I’d probably never go out with them again. It makes me think that he secretly agrees with this. I don’t end up surrounded by men on a night out. If I’m going out fr drinks with friends we aren’t behaving like single 20 somethings chatting up other men.

I asked him what he thought about his friends behaviour and he simply replied - I expect nothing less from him.

I can’t expect him to change for me but I’m increasingly becoming more unhappy to the point where I’m happier alone.

he's just vile, how can you bear to be with someone who views women in that way :(
Of course you're not compatible, urghh who would want to be compatible with that :(
come on OP you're way better than this!

No. Only my ex-h did this.

he secretly agrees with this
secretly??
there's nothing secret abut his agreement, he's lauding and glorifying his mate's revolting antics
I would go so far as to say his 'mate' is really him, an ex of mine used to relay his 'mate's' antics to me, he was a serial cheat and I now realise that is was his way of getting one over on me, lettering me know about the cheating, but not letting me know, laughing at me to my face, gloating about and wallowing in his victories

I don’t know, I suppose he has just normalised his behaviour over the time we’ve been together.

It isn’t normal to be out flirting with other women and talking about them in such crude terms is it? This isn’t something that most men do is it?

back in the 1970s you might find the most men doing it
He is a throwback
You should throw him back

and that his friend was ‘talking about sticking his head in boobs and smashing fnnies so loudly that birds could hear them*

Birds of a feather flock together, theres a reason why he keeps this type of company.

Im sorry but your boyfriend has serial cheat stamped on his forehead in bright red ink!

Please get that "most men" shite out of your head and ask yourself what you want and deserve, then dont ever settle for less.

I can tell you with upnost certainty by your description that you're scraping the bottom of the barrell here.