Does your DP/DH look at other women in front of you?

[GrumpyCee]

I don’t know if I’m overreacting but I’ve just been out for dinner with my boyfriend. Twice during the meal I saw him stare at two different staff members bottoms.

This is a long standing issue in our relationship. I feel like he constantly stares at other women. He denied that he did look but I know what I saw. I just find the whole thing exhausting and feel like I have lost all sense of perspective, as it annoys me so much. I just want one hour out of the house having a nice time and he’s too busy desperately scanning the room for bums to stare at.

Does your partner do this?

He turned his body round to stare at women's arses? That is hugely objectifying women as a series of body parts, massively disrespectful to you and just plain rude!

I bet other people saw him do this too, and felt sorry for you and the poor gawped at staff.

My DH tries very hard not to but I catch him giving the occasional glance! I'm fine with that but I wouldn't like him ogling others.

Tbf I quite like it when I see blokes eyeing the Mrs

Calling your wife "the Mrs" is very telling.

All guys look, it's in our genes.

Utter bollocks!

No not all men do this. My father did and I absolutely hated witnessing it. I vowed to spend my life with someone who didn’t do it and I have. I agree that we all look at each other in passing, but staring at a woman’s body, in a gormless but obvious way, just makes me think this man is pathetic and I wouldn’t want to spend my time with them.

OP it sounds like your partner is just a pathetic, idiot who can’t control himself. Get rid of him and find someone who can control themselves.

Don't read too much into it.

....just has a wandering eye.

Minimising the objectification of women. You sound nice.

And?

I’m ignoring the GF.

It's a funny one. Me and dh both admire famous people on TV but that is not reality. We may comment on an attractive person we see.
But your boyfriend sounds way too pervy. To physically turn around and drool over a waitress is a bit much.
In your shoes I would find it very disrespectful of women and yourself and have a think about whether being with him 'sparks joy'. Or are you just rubbing along.
I'd find that behavior very off-putting.

Glancing is one thing, physically turn his body to stare is another whole creepy one! Poor bloody women are trying to do their job and he's letching as they bend to clear tables. Yuchy. It not just disrespectful to you, it's dismissive. You stop being important enough to focus on, until the 'object of his desire' moves put of range.

Husband has a friend who will stop mid sentence with mouth open to stare at women. He'll move his whole body to continue to stare as they walk past. His ex was extremely 'jealous' when they were out together and there were frequent rows. He could never understand the problem. He's now miserably single. I regularly tell him how creepy it is let alone rude to the person he was speaking to. Frequently have to point out that some of the people he's staring at are young enough to be his granddaughter. He claims he's a new age hippy feminist type, studied feminist poetry at uni ffs. He's always been a creep. And now he's an old single creep. And likely to remain single because i think older women are starting to value themselves more than having to put up with that kinda shit anymore. And no one younger would even glance at an aging hippy latch.

LETCH.

Eww! That's really creepy! If I were one of the waitresses then I'd feel really uncomfortable. I have no idea if DH glances at other women because that's what's normal to do...a quick glance and that's fine, we all do it. It's fine to appreciate someone's beauty but it's really not ok to stare. I'd have to start questioning if I really wanted to be with this guy. He's such a lech!

No my DH would not do this in front of me. I would consider it disrespectful and I wouldn't eye up other men either.

I've never actually caught DH looking but I'm sure he does, I do too. We all look, it's normal. But yours sounds like a creep sorry. Turning his body to stare is just urgh especially in front of you, it's crossing a line IMO

We all know the type of bloke who makes it obvious and this sounds like one of them. A normal glance is fine but turning to directly look at someone’s arse is not on. Some men do this but most do not tbf.

Jesus Christ.

Take a step back and imagine not being able to look at another person!
Yeah, that’s what we are saying. No looking at other people.

This is clear evidence that some men don’t know the difference between looking / notice and letching / ogling.

Tbf I quite like it when I see blokes eyeing the Mrs, most of the time she is oblivious to it
Blokes eyeing the Mrs? (not envy)

I guarantee you she’s not oblivious to it. Women have to deal with this shit from puberty onwards- at best it’s very uncomfortable. At worst it’s frightening and threatening.

We are not pieces of meat FFS.

OP, my DH probably does notice attractive women but in 13 years I’ve never noticed him doing it. I’d be just as angry for the women as I would be with him if I did notice it.

I go by this rule op....

A glance in the line of view is fine, prolonged staring or turning your head or body to look....not cool.

He sounds like a creepy letch, and a complete embarrasment. Definately not the type of man im attracted to, and im sure you feel the same.

@Closetbeanmuncher

I completely agree, glancing or someone really catching your eye does happen but if he was focusing on his partner then he would be unlikely to notice anyway...

Letching like he does is vile.

From the other perspective if you are the recipient of behaviour like this and the man is with their wife/children it gives me the rage. So disrespectful to his partner and to the person he is openly staring at.

Used to happen a lot when I was younger, but not so much now I am older. Thankfully.

I think all guys look, as I said, but obviously turning around to stare is definitely off limits and to do it in front of you OP is disrespectful to say the least. You should certainly call him out over this. A discreet glance is acceptable IMO but it should not be obvious.

Mine does and it doesn't bother me but we are both pretty relaxed about this sort of stuff. However if it ever upset me I know I would only have to say something and he would avoid doing it in front of me again. Everyone looks but I balance that against whether my partner makes me feel attractive and desired. If he didn't do that I can see him looking could well become an issueb

He sounds like a creep. I'd struggle to fancy a man who did this

Can't believe the minimising going on here.

The OP is out with her partner, who has turned his body round to stare at 2 other women's arses.

This is not okay!

No its not normal OP.

A glance at someone you find attractive - normal
A body turn to specifically stare at women's arses - not okay

He’s now denying that he even looked at their arses. The first time he was apparently looking to see what food had been delivered to a nearby table and the second time he didn’t even glance in her direction.

He reckons I’m jealous. No, I’d just like to be respected.

I think some PP’s have got it right. I don’t feel like he thinks I’m good enough. He kept me secret for a long time from his friends.

My ex constantly stared/ ogled other women whenever we went out and it used to upset me so much and really damaged my confidence. I used to mention how much it upset me but he either denied he was doing it or would be dismissive and say ‘I’m a bloke of course I’m going to look’. Thankfully I got rid of the prick years ago and been with my current boyfriend for 6 years and occasionally when we are out in public he will have a quick glance but it doesn’t bother me in the slightest because It’s not often and he’s very discreet.

I can fully understand where you’re coming from and from my experience he won’t change and make out it’s you whose the one with the problem. There’s definitely a difference between a quick glance and obvious staring.