My friend is dying of cancer and their partner maybe on a dating site

[Danpitt]

Being a single man I use dating apps like Tinder and I came across a profile which I think is my friends wife.

1. The name is the same 2)The age is the same
2. location is the same
3. mentions she's a BBW, my friends wife is a big girl
4. profile mentions she's married but complicated
5. her interests are exactly the same. There's no photos on her profile just memes, the same memes she has as her social media photos.

Now my friend has a matter of weeks, months at best. Do I tell him what I found, what may or may not be his wife or do I leave it so he has a happy memory to take with him when he dies?

I wouldn't get involved.

Its a pretty common, although grim and pathetic move on the DP's part:
Partner has cancer.
DP feels she/he still needs to get their leg over.
DP goes off to get their shag.
DP with cancer dies.

Just dreadful, but maybe they have an arrangement.

I wouldnt tell your friend, given the circumstances. I'm usually definitely in camp 'TELL HIM. NOW.' Not this time, it would only (potentially) ruin your friend's last few weeks.

I'd absolutely mention it to the partner though. Gauge her reaction. She sounds a treasure.

Some of the responses on here really are awful - describing the wife as a 'treasure' or just wanting to 'get her leg over'.

Do you really think it's that simple? If it is her in the dating profile she's not hiding the fact that she's married.

If this has been a long-drawn out illness then it's entirely possible that there has been a process of letting go on both sides - as a coping mechanism.

I think one of the hardest things for the person dying would be worrying about the person left behind. As others have said, he may have pushed her into this so he can feel her life doesn't stop when he dies. Or it may have been a joint decision. Or it may have been hers alone because she's terrified of what her life will be afterwards. Or because she's exhausted and dragged down from the horrors of watching her dh die and just wants to escape some how.

Dying is a messy and unpredictable business for all those involved so don't judge her until you've walked in her shoes (and probably not then either).

Anyone who could think that blabbing in these circumstances is acceptable is either utterly devoid of imagination/empathy, a spiteful piece of shit who likes causing drama, or someone so blinded by their own monogamy obsession that they can't accept that other people see things differently. The least awful thing you could say about the OP and anyone who would contemplate sticking their beak in is: you haven't thought it through, have you?

I have a feeling you are talking amongst yourselves.

Anyway Personally i think ill bookmark this thread and then in 6-9 months time start a thread to say my dying mates husband is on tinder 6 And compare the vitriol.

I can't think of one single benefit of your poking your nose in here OP.