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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Anxiety through the roof due to car purchase

79 replies

IamAporcupine · 16/07/2019 15:54

DH has been just appointed a new job that means he will have to drive ~100 miles per day. He might not need to go in every day, it might be just 3 days a week, we do not know yet.

We have a 10 year old car that is in relatively good condition but has always been used only for short trips a couple of times per week.

Last year DH bought a 'sports' car that he always wanted and managed to get an extremely good deal for it. I was not happy about this at first but I let it go in the end.

So now he wants to buy a third car.

He has explained why he thinks this is necessary and I kind of very vaguely see his points now (I didn't at first) but this is still way out of my confort zone and somehow really upsets me.

We are not extremely well off but we are OK, we both have good jobs and have other source of income too, so could afford it. Also he will be earning more now.

But I just simply do not want to. My anxiety goes through the roof just by thinking about it. I guess I could come to terms with it myself, but I hate what our DS(7) will take/learn from this.

I do not think I will convince him otherwise, so I will probably need to find a way to deal with it.

Please please be gentle.

ps - I do not drive.

OP posts:
something2say · 16/07/2019 15:58

I get it. Changes can be just too much.
Why not sell the trusty old car and get one in the middle? Solid, decent condition, can handle the miles safely.
It may end up a nice step forward in life, and still just the two cars....

tobedtoMNandfart · 16/07/2019 16:17

One man does not need 3 cars.

ZestyMaximus · 16/07/2019 16:17

If he's the only one who drives, how on earth is he justifying three cars! One for family, one for fun and a third for... ? Is there nothing else the money could be spent on (or saved) that would benefit you ALL a lot better?

Aquamarine1029 · 16/07/2019 16:20

3 cars for ONE driver? That's absurd.

Aurignacian · 16/07/2019 16:21

I don’t understand why he needs 3 cars?

NeverSayFreelance · 16/07/2019 16:23

He can't drive his sports car to work?

Parker231 · 16/07/2019 16:25

Sell the oldest car and keep the sports car and a family car which can also be used for work. Are you learning to drive? When you pass you could use the sports car when DH is using the other car for work.

Original poster
IamAporcupine · 16/07/2019 16:49

I agree! In my world one driver does not need three cars.

Some replies:

Are you learning to drive?
No, but I might consider it now!

He can't drive his sports car to work?
I suggested this too - no, he will not want to ruin it

I don’t understand why he needs 3 cars?
This was exactly my reaction.
The logic Confused behind this is that he does not want to have just one car for work. He thinks that it will be a lot of millage for just one car and we will end up buying another sooner or later anyway. He thinks that could be avoided by splitting the use on two different cars.

As I said I do not drive and know nothing about cars, so I have no real argument against that. He does say he would prefer not to buy it, and this would not be in his mind if it wasn't for the new job, but he is just convinced he cannot do without it.

OP posts:
hopeishere · 16/07/2019 16:51

What does this make you anxious though. That's quite an odd reaction. Cross maybe, but not anxious.

Can he not get rid of the older car and just have the sports car and the new car?

Bluntness100 · 16/07/2019 16:54

Why doesn't he just trade on the older car then? Bit odd.

Original poster
IamAporcupine · 16/07/2019 17:13

@hopeishere - I agree it may seem like an odd reactions. I think it is beacsue it makes me realise how different we are?

Why doesn't he just trade on the older car then?

As I said, because he thinks he has to have two commuting cars.

OP posts:
Shoxfordian · 16/07/2019 17:15

Why are you anxious about it?

QueeniesPotOfRouge · 16/07/2019 17:18

Why stop at 3?

He’s being ridiculous.

TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross · 16/07/2019 17:20

There's a wonderful Eddie Izzard sketch (back in the days when he was wonderful) where he talks about the circle of cool:

“Cool” is a pursuit of youth, it’s a fashion link thing being cool. It’s linked to the circle- you’ve got “Looking Like a Dickhead” over here, “Average Looking,” “Kind of Cool,” “Cool,” “Hip and Groovy…” “Looking Like a Dickhead”!...

There was a look back in the ‘50s that was a matchstick out of the corner of your mouth, in the sort of James Dean kind of era, and it was considered quite cool. It’s quite timeless as well, it just works, I don’t know quite why...

So one matchstick out of the corner of your mouth, mm-hmm-hmm, quite cool. Second matchstick out the other side of the mouth, and you’re looking like a dickhead!

Your DH needs to realise where owning three cars places him on the circle of cool. Hint - we're moving rapidly towards "looking like a dickhead".

PervyMuskrat · 16/07/2019 17:23

Is he getting a car allowance from work? Many companies that offer this insist on cars less than 10 years old and no 2 seaters so it might be that he needs one to fit this criteria, however, running 3 cars does seem a little excessive!

Original poster
IamAporcupine · 16/07/2019 17:25

Thanks TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross that made me laugh

OP posts:
PotteringAlong · 16/07/2019 17:26

2 commuting cars is unnecessary. Modern cars can easily do 100,000 + miles. Our big car is 16 years old and had 120,000 miles on it and is going strong.

He either needs to just run the trusty car into the ground or trade it in but 3 is completely ridiculous.

Original poster
IamAporcupine · 16/07/2019 17:26

@PervyMuskrat - No car allowance

OP posts:
MikeUniformMike · 16/07/2019 17:28

He needs three cars to do 300 miles a week?
Could he go by public transport or cab to avoid putting any strain on his toys.

hadthesnip2 · 16/07/2019 17:35

Your dh is an idiot. A commute of 300-400 miles a week is perfectly normal and doesnt need 2 cars for this. I can understand that he doesnt want to use his "sports" car for commuting but theres no way he needs 2 other to do the job.

You need to put your foot down OP.......or start buying lots of new shoes as obviously your current ones will wear out with all the walking you do each week.

BalonzZofloraHernandez · 16/07/2019 17:37

I don't understand why he wouldn't use your 10-year-old car to commute in. If that car normally only does short journeys, having some longer runs will actually be very good for it. What kind of car is it?

300 miles a week is about 14,000 a year; that's not mega-miles and any well-maintained car even one that's 10 years old should be able to cope with that. My old Saab has well over 120,000 miles on it and it's 14 years old, extremely reliable it is too.

CaptainJaneway62 · 16/07/2019 17:37

I can understand your anxiety about having to pay out for yet another car that he MUST have because that's what HE wants!

It looks as though he seems to get his own way over most things.
Personally I would tell him to use the 10year old car seeing as it's in good condition!

His idea of running three cars with car payments, insurance, tax etc is completely OTT! He's being a bit of a dickhead..which has already been pointed out up thread!

CaptainJaneway62 · 16/07/2019 17:39

He could also alternate between using the Sports Car and the 10year old car, which would make more sense.

PervyMuskrat · 16/07/2019 17:44

Tell him he’s being an idiot then and two cars is more than enough Brew

Original poster
IamAporcupine · 16/07/2019 17:50

This is not helping Sad

I would not say he is a complete dickhead but I can see why some of you are saying that.

I too think the he could a) just use the 10yo car or b) sell that one and buy a bigger car, but I do not think that is going to happen. I will try again though

OP posts:
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