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Original poster

Anxiety through the roof due to car purchase

79 replies

IamAporcupine · 16/07/2019 15:54

DH has been just appointed a new job that means he will have to drive ~100 miles per day. He might not need to go in every day, it might be just 3 days a week, we do not know yet.

We have a 10 year old car that is in relatively good condition but has always been used only for short trips a couple of times per week.

Last year DH bought a 'sports' car that he always wanted and managed to get an extremely good deal for it. I was not happy about this at first but I let it go in the end.

So now he wants to buy a third car.

He has explained why he thinks this is necessary and I kind of very vaguely see his points now (I didn't at first) but this is still way out of my confort zone and somehow really upsets me.

We are not extremely well off but we are OK, we both have good jobs and have other source of income too, so could afford it. Also he will be earning more now.

But I just simply do not want to. My anxiety goes through the roof just by thinking about it. I guess I could come to terms with it myself, but I hate what our DS(7) will take/learn from this.

I do not think I will convince him otherwise, so I will probably need to find a way to deal with it.

Please please be gentle.

ps - I do not drive.

OP posts:
Original poster
IamAporcupine · 16/07/2019 17:52

OK, let's change the question - what do I do if he does not change his mind?

OP posts:
Ginnymweasley · 16/07/2019 17:52

The average car does 10,000 miles a year so 100 miles, 3 times a week is about 14000 miles which isn't much above average. Mist cars will do 100000 miles easily. So even if he was doing it 5 days a week you would get a minimum of 4 years out of a car. In reality many cars will do 150,000 plus if well cared for. He is been ridiculous.

Shoxfordian · 16/07/2019 17:54

You can afford it so what's the issue?

PicsInRed · 16/07/2019 17:55

He's a spendthrift and completely barking.
On the basis of this financially reckless behaviour, your retirement is likely to be threadbare.

Think carefully. Your brain is firing "anxiety" for a reason.

MikeUniformMike · 16/07/2019 17:56

The old car would be fine for the journey, and the sports car could be used as a backup car. The sports car isn't practical for a family of 3.
Bet it's something naff.

If he doesn't change his mind, you having passed your diving test could demand a runaround and a sports car for yourself.

Isatis · 16/07/2019 18:02

If the idea is that he has one car as a backup for the other, then his two seater can be the backup. I get it that he doesn't want to use it too much, but the occasional longish journey will be positively good for it. Sure, it will be a lot of mileage for one car, but so what? You basically run that car into the ground then replace it, rather than pay out for two lots of insurance, MOTs, road tax etc.

WomanLikeMeLM · 16/07/2019 18:06

He does not need 3 cars, show off

Cambionome · 16/07/2019 18:08

He is utterly ridiculous. You don't have to accept this nonsense - he is relying on the fact that you don't know much about cars to bulldoze you on this. You are not happy. Tell him that you're not happy - you don't have to roll over on this.

newmomof1 · 16/07/2019 18:08

I definitely think he needs to get rid of the older car.
He can use the money towards a deposit on the new car. If he's travelling 100 miles a day, he'll want to be comfortable in the car.

Will he want a high spec version of the new car? If so, tell him he can use the money from the old car towards the extras. If he refuses he can have a bog standard bottom of the range car.
I think that'll change his mind!

Fibbke · 16/07/2019 18:10

If you can afford it and have room on your driveway then let him get on with it.

LannieDuck · 16/07/2019 18:20

I agree with you that it's a bit ridiculous. If he insists, I think I would go along with it if:

i) the two cars were for use by both of you (so you use whichever he's not commuting in).

ii) the sports car is seen as a personal purchase for him, so you get the equivalent amount of money from joint funds to do with as you please (put it in an account in your name only until something comes along that you want). Plus the equivalent money each year to the sports car's tax / mot.

Original poster
IamAporcupine · 16/07/2019 18:29

@Isatis - he says that if you rotate two cars you will get much more out of them than if if you run a car into the ground and then replace it.
He might be right, I don't know!

@WomanLikeMeLM - he is definitely not doing it to show off

OP posts:
forumdonkey · 16/07/2019 18:29

It's more than just owing three cars, which is ridiculous for one person but it's the costs involved with owning three. 3x tax, 3x insurance, 3 X MOT 3x servicing and maintenance.

He's nuts

Original poster
IamAporcupine · 16/07/2019 18:34

@LannieDuck - ha! I like your approach, the only problem is that
a) i don't drive
b) I'm not interested in anything anywhere as expensive as a car! I'm extremely frugal and really do not get huge enjoyment from stuff like that. I love traveling but it will not be just for me. Other suggestions are welcome Grin

OP posts:
tomatosalt · 16/07/2019 18:39

Does he generally waste money or make big purchases without regard for how you’re feeling?
This might be bigger than (an admittedly large) car purchase.

LannieDuck · 16/07/2019 18:41

I'm not interested in anything anywhere as expensive as a car! I'm extremely frugal and really do not get huge enjoyment from stuff like that

It doesn't matter - it's primarily a way to make him realise how much money he's spending on himself. I bet he balks if you ask for the equivalent in cash.

And if you choose, you can put your portion of money into a pension / your mortgage / a cash ISA.

IVFNewbie · 16/07/2019 18:43

What are the cars?

MikeUniformMike · 16/07/2019 18:46

The new car might not need tax or MoT but servicing is £££, repairs are £££, and insurance can be £££.
Driving an old reliable car is the cheapest way of driving - bangernomics. An ideal car for a commute would be something like a small Hyundai i20 - long warranty and cheap running costs - or something but he'll probably want a beemer which are £££££ to buy, and £££ to service and maintain.
He will probably leave the new car and the sports car on the drive and commute in the old car.

He is trying to bamboozle you, because you are not a driver.
I managed a 90-odd mile round trip 5 days a week for years in a 15 yr old banger with over 100K on the clock.

pikapikachu · 16/07/2019 19:00

He's insane. Selling and replacing the car annually (or other short period) would be far more reasonable.

3 cars means triple the road tax, insurance etc

pikapikachu · 16/07/2019 19:02

My ex did 500 miles a week and he could get 5 years plus thrashing a 5 year old car. If we were more cash rich we'd probably replaced every 2 years or so rather than drive it to it's death. )about 120k miles?)

Original poster
IamAporcupine · 16/07/2019 19:39

Will come back to answer some of the comments later

Massive argument is on its way Sad

OP posts:
Cambionome · 16/07/2019 19:52

I have literally never heard of anyone alternating 2 cars like he suggests!! What the fuck does he mean that you "Get more out" of a car if you do this?? What about the extra road tax and insurance that you would be paying? It literally just doesn't make sense - you would be better off just having the one car (or one car plus sports car Hmm)and changing it more often.

BalonzZofloraHernandez · 16/07/2019 20:00

OK, let's change the question - what do I do if he does not change his mind?

Speaking for myself, if I'd raised my concerns, we'd discussed it and he still went ahead and did it, at that point I'd let it go and let him get on with it. It'd just become one of those things that we disagreed on. I wouldn't hold a grudge about it, it's not something I do. That's just me, though.

I do get your objections. It seems unnecessary. His justification that rotating two cars will result in less wear than using one is sort of true, but it's still a weak reason for buying a whole other car. He'd be better off either running the 10-year-old car and proactively maintaining it, or changing one of the cars for something suitable for commuting.

What makes and models of cars do you have at the moment? i.e. the family car and the sports car? How much would he want to spend on the third car?

hadthesnip2 · 16/07/2019 20:09

@BalonzZofloraHernandez. But that us just bonkers. Why stop at 2 cars.. ?? Why not have 5, one for every day of the week - they will last for years then.

As I mentioned up thread.....OP should just tell him she is buying a pair of new shoes for every day of the week. And then a matching handbag. Also agree with another poster - make sure she gets the equivalent amount of money & put it away somewhere. She might need it in the future when she has to leave him, because he is a twat.

MikeUniformMike · 16/07/2019 20:44

It sort of depends on the makes of the cars. If the 10-yr old is a bit thirsty on oil and fuel, and the sports car is unreliable and very much an enthusiast's car (think Caterham or Lotus not MX5) then it would might sense to get rid of the older car (and the sports car) and get a newer car.
Even my petrolhead friend who earns shitloads does not have 3 cars. He has a very reliable and well-looked after old car nearly 20 yrs old and an enthusiast's sports car.

I think OP should go out and get her name on an Hermes Birkin and buy a Mulberry Bayswater or something in case she wears out her day-to-day handbag.