Anxiety through the roof due to car purchase

[IamAporcupine]

DH has been just appointed a new job that means he will have to drive ~100 miles per day. He might not need to go in every day, it might be just 3 days a week, we do not know yet.

We have a 10 year old car that is in relatively good condition but has always been used only for short trips a couple of times per week.

Last year DH bought a 'sports' car that he always wanted and managed to get an extremely good deal for it. I was not happy about this at first but I let it go in the end.

So now he wants to buy a third car.

He has explained why he thinks this is necessary and I kind of very vaguely see his points now (I didn't at first) but this is still way out of my confort zone and somehow really upsets me.

We are not extremely well off but we are OK, we both have good jobs and have other source of income too, so could afford it. Also he will be earning more now.

But I just simply do not want to. My anxiety goes through the roof just by thinking about it. I guess I could come to terms with it myself, but I hate what our DS(7) will take/learn from this.

I do not think I will convince him otherwise, so I will probably need to find a way to deal with it.

Please please be gentle.

ps - I do not drive.

Sounds like a bit of a manchild. I’d sell the two cars you have and use the money to buy one car that does everything.

I had to search what an Hermes Birkin was!

www.xupes.com/handbags/product-details/34896/hermes/bordeaux-shiny-niloticus-crocodile-leather-vintage-birkin-60cm-hac.html?channel=ppc&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIkuyhxZy64wIVQ7TtCh1blQVJEAQYBSABEgLuDPD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds

How is this even possible?

He's being ridiculous. I get some people have "weekend" cars which is effectively what the sports car is but 3 cars? No
Tax, insurance, mot, servicing, tyres...
he needs to either drive the older one until it's done for or sell it and buy another
Three cars! In my head I'm saying it like Peter Kay and garlic bread

@BalonzZofloraHernandez - thanks, that was very helpful

@hadthesnip2 - I agree with you that is bonkers, but the 'why stop at 2?' argument will not get me far, as we all know (including him) that is crazy and it's not what he is suggesting anyway.

Re insurance - you would be surprised (as I was) to know that the insurance for the second car was nowhere near 2x insurance.

Re servicing - he does it all (or the majority)

Again, I still it is crazy to have 3. Just sharing some facts.

The thing about rotating cars is ludicrous. You will get exactly the same out of a car whether you drive it every day or every other day. The difference is that you will be paying road tax, insurance etc at the same figure for each car but only getting half the usage from your investment.

Surely it would make more sense to get rid of 1 car and get a new one and pay for the servicing to be done. Unless he is a qualified mechanic? He still would have to pay another set of road tax on a 3rd car even if insurance didn't go up massively. Mot for three cars is gonna be 150 quid ish every year without any things been fixed/ parts etc.

It sound like exactly the kind of stupid suggestion my husband would make. Bloody petrolheads. You have my sympathy.

It is ridiculous, why not just pile the miles on the 10 year old car.
Fwiw, you can get well over 200,000++ miles out of a German car - Audi/VW.

@Champagneformyrealfriends - thanks. How do you cope?

He is talking absolute rubbish. On those figures he is not doing many more miles than I do for work and my 10+ year old Honda Jazz is doing fine. I do want to upgrade - but to a hybrid as I'd like to make more "profit" from my mileage allowance.
The biggest cost of having a car is not running it - but keeping it on your drive - that costs: depreciation - with time regardless of how much you drive it, servicing costs which go up for each additional car, and road tax. So instead of losing 2x that amount of money he will be losing 3x. And if he tries to say by having a spare then he isn't inconvenienced when one goes in for repair - most decent garages give a courtesy car, which is usually quite nice.

There is absolutely that one car driver needs three cars - and I wouldn't have allowed 2 to be honest (unless he was earning millions).

“He can't drive his sports car to work?
I suggested this too - no, he will not want to ruin it”

This is hilarious,

Surely most people buy s sports cat to enjoy driving / the commute!

I would stop arguing with him and start saying things like “yes, we need to get a Zafira. What if the other guys in your new office thought you were showing off or something” and “I can understand you wanting something more stable like a Citroen Picasso. It must take a very experienced driver to manage such a powerful sensitive sports car in s long drive every day. You might get tired “ and “yes much better to keep the sports car fit weekends. Because these days it’s not likely that driving a saloon would affect your biased view of you, is it? Ambition shoes itself in other ways”

If desperate “ we’ll obviously a Dacia Duster will be better for work. It will stick up above everyone else’s sports cars in the car park. No need to worry about forgetting where you parked “.

‘What do I do if he won’t change his mind’?

This would concern me because this should be a joint decision. Not just up to him, and on you to ‘convince him’ otherwise. It shouldn’t be an option for him to not change his mind if you are really against it- it’s a huge expense and needs to be jointly agreed on IMO.

I also agree that the mileage rotation thing is a pile of crap.

There’s no reason he can’t commute in the old car. The sports car was a huge waste of money, no matter how good a deal he claims to have got for it.

I think you need to be careful. I think he will tell you any old shit to get his way. Look at his actions no his words if you want the truth.

He's taking the piss! I've a friend who IS a millionaire (possibly billionaire even - I don't ask) inherited money, think Tom in 4 weddings - also car mad and even HE doesn't have 3 cars at a time! He has 2 max and usually a motorbike on the go too but not always.

It sounds like you can only JUST afford this (as a family - who else is in your family? How are your finances organised?)

So he CANNOT justify having THREE cars it's utterly Fucking ridiculous! He needs to either use the old car mainly for commuting and the sports car occasionally too (pps are right - a good long run does them good) or exchange the old car for a slightly newer more robust car for commuting.

And he IS showing off, that's exactly what that sports car is for!

How old is he? This rather smacks of selfish mid life crisis bollocks!

And yes suggest that YOU get exactly the same amount of money he's spending on unnecessary cars to do with as you wish out of your what sounds like joint finances - put into savings or a pension if there's nothing material you want because with someone like him spending your (joint) money then you'll probably need it!!

Your DH is being supremely weird.

People commute 100 miles a day in one car all the time. I do it everyday.

I was doing it with a 12 year old VW Golf until recently. If he thinks the 10 year old car won't take it (it will!) then he should just trade that in for a newer car.

I would be suggesting to him that we need to buy the house next door and furnish so that we can alternate months in them - each house will then only get half the wear and tear of the one house.

You'd also like to buy two of every item of clothing from now on to alternate the times you'll wear them.

I either tell him that it’s not happening or make sure he knows all the risks financially and hope he comes to the reasonable conclusion. To deal with my own concerns I adopt a “worst case” mentality - what’s the worse that could happen? If it’s £ loss then it needs to only negatively effect him basically.

We have 5 cars between three of us. All our cars get used depending on the occasion. If one of them is out of action, there is always an alternative to get us to work.

DP is interested in things on wheels, it’s his thing. Me, not so much, but it is nice to have a different car to drive to work now and again.

Fortunately we live abroad now and have plenty of space to keep them all. In the UK it was always a PITA trying to park but we still had three even then. Seems pretty normal to me, also DP is not a show off, he just likes cars and he does all his own maintenance.

3 lots of insurance, MOT, servicing.

Some People are weird and wasteful when it comes to cars.

What is your 10 year old car?

If the 'old' car is reliable, it might make sense to keep it for you to learn to drive on it.

Rotating cars to make them last longer made me snigger I'm afraid. Such nonsense.

But seriously, can you unpack why your reaction is anxiety, rather than say being cross at the waste or what you would need to give up in order to finance three cars ?

What is the worst that could happen?

So he expects you to fund his car habit?
You WILL be funding it via your joint FAMILY expenses - yes, all money is FAMILY money especially as you have DC.

Even if he pays for everything car related, he will have less to spend elsewhere so you will make up the shortfall.
Plus i bet he will expect you to contribute because you also use the car when you both go out etc.

So, get assertive and tell him he either sells the sports car or uses it for work.
If he goes ahead and still buys another without letting you have an equal say - then he's shown you how little respect he has for you.
It's all HIS money, his way and you have to put up and shut up.

Where is he parking his cars anyway?
Where will you park yours?
Or are you and everyone else meant to tolerate the inconvenience of parking because he insists on having multiple cars?

This would bother me too. Mainly because I'd lose masses of respect for my DH because he would be a huge petrol-helmeted cock. In a world where climate change is happening, we can't justify 3 cars per person. No way.

Have you tried asking him why 3 cars is the most sensible solution/helping you understand why? From your first post I see that you can see some reasons why. Which part of it is causing you anxiety, I didn't see that so sorry if I missed it? Is it the potential extra costs?

I'm not saying it is the reason or it is a sensible option in your situation as I simply don't know. I do have many friends that have 3 cars each though. Some do it just because they can/want to and others because there is actually a semi-sensible requirement. Personally I can see that there are benefits to having 3 cars if you can afford it.

If he is maintaining the cars himself then it is a time consuming job that often has delays in getting parts or you find other things doing whilst you are working on the car. This may mean the car is off-road for periods. It may also mean that the car you have has been looked after properly and is considered a reliable workhorse even if not really worth anything. Finding similar is quite difficult.

Children make a mess of cars, yes you can clean them but it's another job to be done regularly to avoid ground-up biscuit/crisps/half-sucked sweets or similar being impregnated into your suit/paperwork/work bag/work stuff. The amount of times I've not had a chance to clean the inside of the car before a client unexpectedly has jumped in and found they leave with more than they bargained for.... It's embarrassing. That without the amount of physical damage they can cause when upset. With an extra commute, time to clean the car may be difficult to find? I'm guessing.

The main costs of cars is depreciation and fuel costs. Insurance for an extra car is not much with multi-car policies £50-£100 and road tax is typically £100-£350 year. Compare that to the £thousands on depreciation most new/ish car buyers incur and £2000 for fuel over a year in a typical mpg car and an older/less depreciating car/cars can start to make financial sense for those that aren't bothered by the latest thing. Many friends run older semi-exotic cars at far less than a newish focus would cost them on this basis. (they also run 2nd or 3rd cars as well that are more mundane/old/general workhorses for tip runs etc).

There could be an element of "I need to look the part" so need a newer car which IMO is not appropriate for a family/shared finance situation. But that's my feelings.

I wonder if following a good discussion... a compromise of "making do" for a few months until the position is established and the requirements better known is an option. It may allow each of you a better understanding on if it's required or an unnecessary luxury.

The existing car types may help.