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Original poster

What am I doing wrong?

78 replies

freerunner75 · 16/07/2019 09:28

So, not so much a teenager question - more of a step-family situation question. Am going to be honest and will completely take pies thrown at my head and being put in the right if i am in the wrong!

I have been with my partner now for 11years, lived together for 6. He bought the property we live in from his parents - i wasn't allowed to be on the mortgage as it was a family purchase (scarred from being 'rinsed' in his divorce)

My two- now teenagers live with us - son 18 and daughter 16. My OH step children visit us whenever they want to.

My problem is money. I work full time - in all probably about 42 hours a week (4-6 hours for my partners business - unpaid)..

We both have one joint account to which my partner puts in £500 per month towards bills and food. I pay in £600. (he pays his mortgage separately)... I also then pay for everything my children and I need -so a car and related costs for me, phones for 3 of us, food for our dogs, pet insurance, other related costs - i/e odds and sods that the children need.

My partner pays for holidays (and doesn't let me forget it!) and does chip in if I am struggling.. (and doesn't let me forget it!!) He is self employed and does do quite well financially.

So - here is where i duck the pies. Each month, around this time of the month, despite earning a fairly good wage... I am totally broke. I literally have nothing. Each month I have nothing spare for any life insurance or pension for my future and am unable to save. I don't have enough to buy myself luxuries and have to scrabble around for every penny.

My partner on the other hand - does whatever he wants, buys whatever he wants etc... always wears nice clothes. He pays his Ex a large sum for his children each month so I get that he shouldn't also be supporting mine - (my 2's father doesn't now pay a bean!)

My question is - this doesn't seem right? I seem to be working flat out every single month and not earning bad money - but its gone in a flash - and I don't waste it or blow it on anything - i don't have enough to do that? Is this normal? Is this a normal financial 'blended' family situation?

Any advice hugely appreciated.

Thank you.

OP posts:
crappyday2018 · 17/07/2019 22:27

Hi OP, what would you do if tomorrow he turned round and said he didn't want to be with you anymore and wanted you to move out?
You have no immediate property to go to and no savings. You are in a very vulnerable position.
I have to agree with the other and sit him down, tell him straight you can't live like this financially anymore so you will be forced to move out so you can look after yourself and your children properly, Something he is clearly not willing to do.

rightteous · 18/07/2019 03:30

OP I feel very uncomfortable and worried reading your post. You shouldn’t be living with this man without the benefit of marriage. This is all a ticking time bomb. What exactly is the £600 you put into the joint account going on? He’s paying less into the joint account for bills on HIS house! That’s not right. Considering how much extra he earns then he should be paying a lot more into the joint account than you. You should not be working for free! The fact he dismisses you when you talk to him about that tells you what you need to know. He doesn’t love or respect you. You are working for free and doing things to save HIM money! No no no. This is one of the saddest and most worrying things I’ve ever read on here and I’m really worried for you and your kids. Do no more work for him until he pays you £12 per hour minimum. You also need to reduce what you put into the joint account to £100 per month and tell him he needs to top up the rest. Then start putting that £500 a month into savings/pension. Have you thought about training as an accountant with all your business experience? You could earn a lot more. I’m also wondering have you looked at how much you would get in benefits if you lived on your own? Housing benefit etc? How much you could rent a 3 bed flat for. Are you currently paying £600 towards the bills of a huge house that you have no investment in? Do the sums and work it all out. Take into account a reduction in council tax etc. Start putting yourself and your kids first. This man is not taking care of you. He is using you.

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