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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

DH negative all the time - driving me crazy!

97 replies

ManicGirl · 12/07/2019 18:43

His negativity around me and the kids is really starting to grate as I'm worried that they will start to view life with an equally pessimistic attitude.
He came home today and the first thing he did was moan to DS7 about someone parking illegally at work. He snipes about colleagues and moans about his job even though he likes it.
If we're out and our train is 2 minutes late he'll go off on one at the state of Britain's railways.
Today I told the kids we could have a picnic tea in a park of their choice. They chose one that is 20 minutes away and costs a total of £7 for all of us on the train. He shouted at me that I was throwing money away, we should use local park etc. He's refused to come so we're out in sun at the park and he's sat at home. It just seems endless arguments and misery.
Please tell me I'm not the only one living with a total misery guts?

OP posts:
missyjudy · 12/07/2019 19:00

Life is way too short! I couldn’t live with somebody like that. How depressing!

miaCara · 12/07/2019 19:05

Nah - I couldnt put up with that. My DH tried to go down the route years ago and he was just getting into his stride with the moaning when I cottoned on to his game. Soon put a stop to it.
There's no need- life is hard enough without carrying someone elses negativity on your shoulders. Get him to stop ( I went ballistic ) or get him to leave.

Mimilamore · 12/07/2019 19:09

I've got one who pisses on my chips daily, rants and moans. I ignore until he says something positive or pleasant!

Namechangeforthiscancershit · 12/07/2019 19:14

Well done for him for finding the only 7 year old that cares about illegal parking Grin. No, sounds amazingly tedious tbh. Is it relentless with him?

Tonightstheteriyakichicken · 12/07/2019 19:17

Did you know you were marrying Victor Meldrew or was he quite normal until recently? Is FIL like that?

toffeeapple123 · 12/07/2019 19:53

LOL what a sad loser. Sorry OP! Was he always like this?

Original poster
ManicGirl · 12/07/2019 20:49

FIL is even worse. Putting the two of them together is like an episode of Grumpy old men! No, he was a carefree student when we met. The misery has crept up over time. I think the thought of him sat inside as we were all picnicking in the park really hit home with me though...

OP posts:
toffeeapple123 · 12/07/2019 21:31

Most men turn into grumpy old men but your OP sounds a bit too young to be this grumpy. And to be missing out on a lovely day with his family in the sun. What a saddo.

Have there been any other changes?

Pessismistic · 12/07/2019 22:24

Feel your pain I get it all the time. I dread conversations. £7 isn’t a lot and it was adventure for dc and a change of scenery he sounds like a man child it will only get worse as he gets older tell him it’s not good for the kids not join them and make such a drama out of it. They will blame themselves and dread outings. Or was it an excuse to get away to do something else? and £7 isn’t breaking the bank. Good luck op.

Baddabingbaddaboom · 12/07/2019 22:34

I have one of those.. He's always sniping and picking and seeing the worst in every single thing and it drives me mad.

I have almost left for that reason and others but that's another story

carewser · 12/07/2019 22:40

DH is an ironic acronym then

Constance1234 · 12/07/2019 22:40

@miaCara Can you give some tips on how you put a stop to it? My DH isn’t too negative yet, but I think he has the potential to be and I’d love to know how to avoid this fate!

Original poster
ManicGirl · 13/07/2019 00:27

Yes, please give me tips as to how to put a stop to it! I find myself being ridiculously chirpy and optimistic about everything in an effort to balance his negativity. Which makes me laugh when I think about all my teenage years spent listening to Morrissey and Radiohead... I just wish he could realise how good he's got it.

If we go on holiday and have a great time but it rains for one day, the first thing he'll mention to other people when we get back, is the bloody rain .

OP posts:
FuriousVexation · 13/07/2019 01:01

Have a read of "How to be Good" by Nick Hornby.

user87382294757 · 13/07/2019 07:13

Mine can be like this. Tips..hmm, I tend to ignore it or don"t discuss things and just do it myself, like you went anyway. don't pander to it.

Trumpton · 13/07/2019 07:32

I snapped one day and called him a Dementor and a fun-sponge and that he sucked the joy out of everything !
I did not hold back .
He had also got into the awful habit of the “Automatic No” without actually thinking about the situation.

He is a lot better now but finds change difficult .we just just had a complete fit of very grotty shower room but apparently the water is too sharp ! I have tasked him with sourcing a shoeerhead that deliver the spray through more gentle holes. But he is not to dilute (! ) the joy of the new shower room for me !

user87382294757 · 13/07/2019 07:38

Can you try and see the funny side? Yes I also tell him too. I also get the automatic no thing, but then he can slowly come round to stuff. It is annoying but underneath they can be a nice person, just have negative tendencies.

We got a new buggy once, a Buggaboo one and he moaned about that. Said 'good luck with it' that it wouldn't fit in the cupboard etc. I had bought it in good condition but secondhand without mentioning it as knew it would be a 'no'. he slowly came around when he realised how much better it was. Now i just do the same, try not to mention things and just do them. It is still irritating though.

user87382294757 · 13/07/2019 07:40

This might make you laugh- we had the report cards the other day and mine was moaning about how the grades were not exactly aligned. Argh. I explained it was probably as I had cut and paste it into an email

fluffygreenmonsterhoody · 13/07/2019 07:47

I have one of these. Total empathy with the ‘automatic no’ response.

If I suggest going anywhere I have to be pre-armed for the inevitable four complaints:
1 it sounds expensive
2 there’ll be too many people
3 the traffic will be busy
4 the parking will be expensive/too far away:too busy

It’s exhausting. I just pack up and go with DS now. The sad thing is, I do t think DH even feels he’s missing out 😔

fluffygreenmonsterhoody · 13/07/2019 07:48
  • five complaints - forgot about the weather, which he’s always heard is going to rain / be too hot / cold / windy...
Oblomov19 · 13/07/2019 07:52

I appreciate the fact he's not at the park is wrong, he is a killjoy, .......but we are a nation of moaners. I love a good moan: the state of things currently because of Brexit, the awful PM choice of horrible Hunt or worse still jolly Johnson. How can anyone be positive?

joystir59 · 13/07/2019 07:54

Exh (autocorrect to Exhaust!) does it. That's not why he is Ex, but still. We are still friends but I won't let him do it around me.

Weezol · 13/07/2019 08:01

Have you offered him a big spoonful of 'shut the fuck up' yet?

jackstini · 13/07/2019 08:08

Shamelessly following for tips

DH can be positive about things that are his choice but the automatic No is tedious and knowing he will always comment on the bad aspects first can be draining

Does anyone else find it frustrating that they or dc can do 90% right but it's always the 10% wrong that's mentioned...? 🤷‍♀️🤦‍♀️

clucky3 · 13/07/2019 08:08

Mine is quite negative too, generally averse to change and a big fan of the automatic no. I find it totally exhausting