Ladies, hope you don't mind me posting. I've been searching for the most relevant and recent thread on Mumsnet and came across your discussion. It's not something I am comfortable discussing openly with anyone, but need a word of advice.
Steaight to the point - I have had a close friend (we were like sisters for many years), she was my Maid of Honour and then asked me to be hers. The issue is myself and most of our friends didn't like her partner and thought he wasn't the right match for her. Now, I am a pretty good judge of character and can easily sense people's real side. He came across to me as insincere. I vividly remember telling my husband few years ago there was something "insincere" about this guy and I couldn't trust him. My DH, who loves everyone and everyone loves him, said he didn't like him either. That was another red flag.
I then spoke to my friend, without trying to interfere too much, about whether she was sure they were the right match. She said she knew they were different, but that she was happy with him.
Next thing I know, they were engaged, very quickly. I was asked to be her MoH.
Some time later, we had another conversation and she bawled her eyes out saying that he said their sex life wasn't enough and that he was sending her to a sex therapist, and she herself was considering therapy. I was shocked to hear this few months before their wedding and told her that maybe she should consider postponing the wedding, as these were serious issues to have during what was supposed to be the rosy period in a relationship. I also shared my doubts with her, he was coming across as cold and dismissive towards her, was a very close book person, not many people warmed up to him or got to know him, and generally speaking he was her complete opposite. She said she knows, but that he was different when it was just the two of them, and that he had a difficult childhood and a strained relationship with his father, that's why he is distant with people.
I didn't buy that.
I basically didn't know what to do to and felt I could not support their marriage. My friend and I had an argument over something minor (we never normally argue but we both had a bad day) and frankly, I took this opportunity to get myself out of the situation. The argument escalated massively over nothing and we didn't speak for a long while after that. Admittedly, I've allowed that because I felt I could not be her MoH because marrying that guy would make her unhappy.
We are now talking again. She is still married to him and they now have a baby.
In the meantime, I was told in secret by our friend in common that she has randomly found out from a man she works with that my friend's husband is gay. Not bi. Gay. She thought it was a mistake, but showed a picture of my friend's DH to him, and he confirmed with absolute certainty that he dated one of his mates and that he is still active on the local gay scene. He also knew he was married and recently had a baby, so there's no mistake.
Now, when I head this it all of a sudden made sense to me. It was like a missing puzzle and I couldn't believe I haven't sussed it out myself before.
Question to you: should I tell my friend at some point about this, or should I never mention this and take a view that a) it's their private matter, b) she may know?!, and most importantly c) they have a baby and its welfare and their family is too important for anyone to interfere?
Would you rather your best friend tell you straight, or would you hate her for doing so?
I am glad me and her are talking again, but I have no idea what to do. I'm an honest person too and I think hiding such a heavy secret is likely to be very, very difficult for me personally.
Your thoughts will be much appreciated.