Effort

[onemoresmartie]

Hi everyone
Met a guy online back in February, he has quite a busy job so I have quickly realised he's not a big texter so I don't hear from him very much through the day..
I do quite like a morning message but can't have it all I suppose 🤨
Anyway we have been on 5/6 dates since feb....back and forth contact but not consistent on his part.
He came over to mine 2 weeks ago on a Friday we went out for dinner I paid my half and we slept together for the first time
Since then he hasn't asked to see me again or arrange another date and I do get the feeling I'm bothering him when I'm messaging him

I have asked him out right so I know where I stand and he says he does want to continue seeing me but I just feel like I'm banging my head against a brick wall....

Advice please

If your best mate was to describe this exact scenario to you, what would you tell her?

I'd probably tell her to get him to f
But I'm not so good at taking my own advice

I have binned him off previously and then always caved again

I need to just end what ever it is once and for all don't i?

I’m not a frequent messager in early dating (why would I want “good morning” messages from a near stranger? Why would I want to send them?) so never understand why people put so much stock in that but if it’s been two weeks since your last date and he hasn’t shown any interest in making plans for the next one then unfortunately it doesn’t sound like he’s much fussed and you deserve better: very busy people who actually like you will apologise that they’re busy and suggest some options they’re available for. I’d send him a message just saying it’s been nice getting to know him but I I feel you want different things. Then block and delete so you can’t cave in and contact him again.

5/6 dates since Feb is less than 1 a month!

What is the point?

I’d just sit back and let him do the chasing. You seem to be doing it all. If he likes you it won’t matter how busy he is.

Onemoresmartie, if you've binned him off a couple of times he is bound to be unsure of you and doesn't want to be hurt.

I wouldn't worry about not having many texts, a lot of people don't go in for that. Please don't be too eager, just take each day as it comes.

There are plenty more fish in the sea if it doesn't work out and you will have learned something.

Let him do the chasing. From what you've said it sounds like he's not that into you. Make yourself busy and if he's genuinely interested he'll make it clear. If not then why the hell would you want to be with him?

My bf worked a busy and demanding job when we first started dating but he made it obvious he wanted to fit me in.

6 dates from Feb ONLY? You are just a fill in when he doesn't have anyone else ! Please move on .

Thanks everyone
I'll take a step back and stop being the one to initiate contact.

Oh OP, unless you want to carry on with this pen-pal (and I've had pen-pals I saw more often!), I'd do more than 'take a step back'. I'd walk right away, and I think you should do - as in block, delete and move on.

He's distracting you from getting the type of relationship you want with the type of person you want.

I heard a brilliant podcast on this type of thing yesterday - i think it would really help you get your head in the place to bin him:
www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/podcast-ep-145-stage-0-1-of-relationships-the-recruiter-mindset/

I'd just end it properly to be honest.
He's just not that into you and you already know this.

Massive step back.
Stop initiating contact.

I wouldn’t send any more messages. Get on with more dating and enjoying your life. Are you sure he’s not married? Have you been to his place? Can you see his Facebook account?

🤨🤨 I'm not married tho
😂

Thanks for the podcast recommendation, your very right . I need to stop compromising on what I want out of a guy

He must be out there somewhere 🙃

So we went on another date last night
Drove to near where he lives as he came to me last time
He paid for dinner which was nice and unexpected
Today has been minimal contact again
I actually dropped a hint last night that he should make more effort in a joking way but clearly he didn't get the hint

Argh drives me mad

Why are you still bothering. Why??

Don’t be fall back option when he’s got nothing better to do.

Just get rid now

If you went out with him last night, why are expecting so much contact today? 'Minimal contact' sounds as though you've had some contact. I don't remember ever needing to give or receive loads of messages from someone I was going out with.

I just think it's strange to be dating someone and not know how they are or how their day is going?

Maybe I just expect too much but I'm talking to other people I haven't even been on a date yet with and they are talking/messaging more

I don't get it

I would say, move on. If a man likes a girl, he makes it obvious. In the past I have wondered why something seems complicated and it was because the guy wasn't that into me or he had someone else etc. When a man is into a girl, he makes it quite clear. No game playing. He will want to see you every week, or more! Don't settle for this type of behaviour. Move on to someone who will put the effort. Don't settle.

Thanks
I think I will

I can only really date one person at a time because I have limited free time so don't want to waste it on someone who is only half arsed or not at all!

It's my birthday weekend so I'm not going to obsess about him one more minute

Does he know it’s your birthday? Has he acknowledged it?

He has acknowledged it and he said we will do something at some point I said like what and he said dunno

So I am taking it as it's up to me to suggest ideas 🧐

That’s dreadful
Just ignore him and block him and move on. I wouldn’t even be that crap with a friend.
And get some self respect

Nice
😂