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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Need advice... any I being silly?

92 replies

Mummy123London · 07/07/2019 17:49

Hi All,
My husband of 15 years and I have a 2 year old baby and ever since my baby was born, my husband has been horrible to me. Not every day but on and off. He will have a sniddy comment about me not doing anything or sorting my life out even though im busy 24/7 with out baby.
I don't know what mood he's going to be in when he wakes up/comes home from work.
I had a great paying job before becoming a mum and handed my notice in to stay at home to look after our baby. I've spent all my savings going to baby classes, on nappies, toys, clothes etc and now I have to ask for money every month. He comes up with an excuse not to give me any money every time. I'm now having to get money from my mother. He says he goes to work and keeps a roof over our head so he thinks he's doing his part.
When he's at home, he will stay in his office all day and work even at the weekends, he rarely wants to join in with us.
Am I being silly about this or is his treating me unfairly?
Thanks x

OP posts:

Original poster

Mummy123London · 08/07/2019 22:15

They keep wanting for come over but we've been busy and now he said yes to them coming over this weekend. They will come over for the day. I don't want to see them. It's all for show and I don't want to that any more

OP posts:

Original poster

Mummy123London · 08/07/2019 22:20

They will want to go to a restaurant for dinner

OP posts:

Herocomplex · 08/07/2019 22:23

Seriously? I’d go out for the day if my DP did that against my wishes. He can play happy families.

Original poster

Mummy123London · 08/07/2019 22:24

I'm thinking of doing that

OP posts:

Original poster

Mummy123London · 08/07/2019 22:28

I think in a way I feel sorry for him. I know it might sound silly to some people

OP posts:

BookCzar · 08/07/2019 22:36

Please leave him, OP. You and your child are really worth so much more. Find the inner strength and ditch his abusive sorry arse. It won't be easy but it will be worth it. This is no life, and you are so beaten up already, the fact that you had to ask if his behaviour is acceptable proves that. Leave. Better yet, arm yourself with knowledge and a good solicitor, and make him leave and pay for it.

VixenSixen · 08/07/2019 22:44

I read your post with horror, the way your husband is treating you is absolutely awful. I feel so sorry for you that he has treated you this way.

Having a baby can put a woman into such a vulnerable position because more often than not we give up a lot, job, independence etc. The power dynamic often shifts too.... And unfortunately sometimes, we end up seeing people for who they really are.

It can feel like an insurmountable task to try and get out of this negative situation but I think if you can get some good support around you (sounds like your mum is a rock to you) to help you make the leap you can do it.

You can manage on your own and there are all sorts of things in place which could mean you could go back to working and work this round childcare.
.. once your child is 3 you are entitled to 30hrs free childcare and this continues until they start School. This is enough to perhaps get you back on your feet and get some independence back.

I read your post and really felt for you, you have had everything stripped from you and for you to have to practically grovel for money from your husband made me feel so angry for you.

Please confide in your family and let them help support you. I left a hideous relationship 2 years ago, I am a single parent and I work full time and manage home life, all the school pick ups drop offs etc. I do a fair bit of juggling around but I would take that anyday than being stuck in a miserable controlling relationship.

Thinking of you 🌹xxx

Original poster

Mummy123London · 08/07/2019 22:54

Thanks VixenSixen.

I am strong and this evening I felt like a switch in my head had changed.
I'm not wanting to tip toe on eggshells or try to figure him out, I don't care anymore :)

OP posts:

Rosielily · 08/07/2019 23:58

Who'll be paying for dinner when his family come?

hellsbellsmelons · 09/07/2019 09:11

Let him entertain his family and you go to your mums.
Have a chat with her about an exit plan.
This is not a good life for you.
You deserve the best and so does your DC.
You got this.
Good luck.

ChimesAtMidnight · 09/07/2019 09:33

This is awful op and it will only get worse. Get a copy of this book and read it.

And start to make plans.

Original poster

Mummy123London · 09/07/2019 09:46

He will pay for dinner

OP posts:

GrabbyGertie · 09/07/2019 10:42

OP, you said in an earlier post that you didn't have any friends or family. I'm guessing that's apart from your parents. Have you no friends at all?

He sounds awful and if I were you I would leave him. Life is too short to be miserable.

lindamors · 09/07/2019 10:44

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster

Mummy123London · 09/07/2019 11:45

I do have friends but none of them know about this and they live miles away. I don't like talking about it. My mother knows that's all.

OP posts:

Original poster

Mummy123London · 31/07/2019 22:05

Just thought id give you an update... as you could probably tell I have had enough so I kind of had the I don't care what I say attitude. He thinks I'm argumentative and that he doesn't know what to do to make it right anymore.
I wish I knew a solicitor because I want to make sure I get what I deserve.
I've also moved back into my parents home for a while to give myself space from him. It's lovely having the family home to come back to for a while just so I clear my head. I go for dog walks during the day and my head is much more clearer now.
He seems to want to separate which I guess is a relief for me.

OP posts:

Winterlife · 01/08/2019 17:44

Just google family law lawyers in your area, and look for reviews. None will be 100%, but the more that are positive, the better.

Good luck!

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