It’s game over - no man, no family

[toffeeapple123]

Keep thinking there is something wrong with me. I’m mid 30s and still single and I think it is game over. I’ve always been optimistic and rational but I think I need to come to terms with that it’s not looking likely that I will meet someone to fall in love with and start a family. And it hurts so deep. And I know I shouldn’t - and I haven’t until now - start to feel a little awkward as the single woman with no family.

I’ve had a few relationships, some with men who I didn’t feel a spark but thought it would develop - it never did. So I’ve been holding out for that special someone. But now it looks like I may have to compromise or settle - which i don’t think I will be able to do tbh.

I’m told I’m very attractive, smart and kind. I have a lovely circle of friends and family. Lots of interest from men in real life but mostly older married men or men I’m not interested in. Hardly any interest on online dating since approaching mid 30s. Same for my female friends. I’ve asked male friends for advice and all said my profile looks great so it’s not that I don’t think.

I don’t meet many men through work so I joined a few meet up groups and men often look at me and talk to me, they’re obv interested, but I don’t meet any that I think show potential.

Everyone seems to be married with children, except a few friends.

I don’t know what else I should be doing. I’m at a loss. And it hurts and seems so unfair.

Looking for emotional support and advice.

Thank you.

Honestly, I don't think it's game over at all but my advice would be to take a chance on someone who might not show complete potential straight away. You might be pleasantly surprised. Be open minded.

Are you a "fixer"? Spend a lot of time listening to others problems and trying to make them feel better? Could explain all the interest from married and unattractive men you aren't interested in. If the above, your time would be taken up and wasted dealing with Fedora Freddies and the whinging marrieds my wife doesn't understand me like you do 🤨🙄 when you could be having fun with a man you might really like (and who might really like you).

Yeah I did that and ended up in several dead end relationships

No, I’m not a fixer and most men (married and non married) look at me because I’m quite attractive. I’m not interested and show that I’m not - so they don’t get a chance to get to know me.

I can’t find a man that’s even half of what I want to date - the pool keeps shrinking more and more. Honestly I despair. I don’t even think I’m picky!

Are you not interested in any men? Are there none you are interested in?

What are your reasons for ruling men out?

At the moment, I’m not interested in any man. I got talking to one guy on Hinge and arranged a date but I haven’t heard from him in days. And I’m not even interested in him! Been in love only twice my whole life.

I mean how can you rule any men out without getting to know them?

Bluntly, are you sexually drawn to men? I mean, drawn to them?

Lol I rule men out for being married, too much older, for not having similar values and for having zero appeal physically (I’ve dated men who I don’t find physically attractive and the attraction never develops). I’m not shallow and don’t think I have particularly high standards

PicsInRed yes I am heterosexual and am drawn to some men (not all) sexually

Do you work and/or socialise in areas with high numbers of men? Perhaps your problem is attempting to meet them online. That pool can be a little bit...repetitive.

Hi you say you have other single friends, can you arrange to do things with them that may potentially put you in position of meeting new men? At the very least you’d be having fun ? Maybe you could come up with a strategy between you ?
Speed dating ?
Dating agency?
Have you asked everyone you know if there’s someone they can set you up on a blind date with ?

Similar situation with family member of mine until she joined the local meet up group and signed up for two of their regular meet ups.
She's meeting new people, been on a couple of dates, got her confidence back (it was seriously dented after online dating) and she's booked a holiday with a singles holiday club to France for Christmas.
Join something OP.
Check out meet up online there's loads of stuff out there.

I met my husband at 39 through a dating agency (not online). I learned thru my year of meeting men (about 13) that you have to approach each as a possibility, but you know within a few minutes if there’s any spark. But you have to be open. You’re not going to know by a pic.
If you are interested in meeting some one (and if not why post on here) then my advice is to meet as many as possible. Go to parties. Go to weddings. Just go out. Don’t rule anyone out because they don’t match the portrait you have in your head. Be open. You may be surprised!

I think ‘your type’ isn’t working it’s time to mix things up a bit

I never find men attractive at first, I can think 'ohhh your good looking' but never 'love/lust at first site' but I start to find them attractive the more I get to know them.

Try getting to know the single men you don't initially find attractive. Shake the tree up, as a previous poster said - don't go for your type, get to know them first before ruling them out

Everyone married with children, except a few friends? Any chance any of those friends is secretly a babe?

I feel like you MUST fancy someone SURELY and maybe just don't think they're right for you or something?

If not, I'd say just do some dating just to get back in the swing of it. And just have fun with it. Might meet some nice people even if they're not lifers

Thanks for all your replies.

I’m on meet up and dating sites.

I don’t have a type

The men I fell head over heels for - the attraction was instant - turned out to be emotionally abusive and a user. Still not over it/him. Sigh

Well that’s your problem isn’t it. We are all pretty simple. And fat /old/ ugly/ stupid /unkind/ shallow/ too thin/too fat/too poor/too rich people all can have partners.

So look at why you struggle - you’re answer lies there. Do some therapy

And everyone has a type. Perhaps not physically. But I would hazard a guess you go for abusive twats. And then your self belief comes real

I did therapy last year and the therapist said she thought I was absolutely fine and healthy and lovely, just met an abusive twat after I broke up with a long term bf (the spark never developed) when I was feeling a little vulnerable and it was unfortunate but it happens - and that I should have no problem meeting someone, it’s just a numbers game.

No, I’ve never been with an abusive person before. Always avoided that kind of man.