It’s game over - no man, no family

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Keep thinking there is something wrong with me. I’m mid 30s and still single and I think it is game over. I’ve always been optimistic and rational but I think I need to come to terms with that it’s not looking likely that I will meet someone to fall in love with and start a family. And it hurts so deep. And I know I shouldn’t - and I haven’t until now - start to feel a little awkward as the single woman with no family.

I’ve had a few relationships, some with men who I didn’t feel a spark but thought it would develop - it never did. So I’ve been holding out for that special someone. But now it looks like I may have to compromise or settle - which i don’t think I will be able to do tbh.

I’m told I’m very attractive, smart and kind. I have a lovely circle of friends and family. Lots of interest from men in real life but mostly older married men or men I’m not interested in. Hardly any interest on online dating since approaching mid 30s. Same for my female friends. I’ve asked male friends for advice and all said my profile looks great so it’s not that I don’t think.

I don’t meet many men through work so I joined a few meet up groups and men often look at me and talk to me, they’re obv interested, but I don’t meet any that I think show potential.

Everyone seems to be married with children, except a few friends.

I don’t know what else I should be doing. I’m at a loss. And it hurts and seems so unfair.

Looking for emotional support and advice.

Thank you.

When did you last make a new friend?

I have no problem making friends - am very sociable. Most recent friend I made was through the meet up event last week, we’ve been for drinks since then and agreed to go on more meet up gatherings.

Do you imagine you’ll still be friends in five years time?

At mid 30s it's definitely not game over! I know so many people who have met in late 30s and early 40s and settled down and had kids.

I'd say keep on with the internet dating. It's just a numbers game. Someone you really like and is mad about you too is bound to come along.

Itwouldtakemuchmorethanthis why do you ask? I have no way of predicting the future

I was 29 when I left my ex. With one suitcase with all my worldly belongings in, I arrived in London and flat shared with someone I vaguely knew. No job and £15k in debt. I was completely off any relationship and certainly not looking. This was Feb 1999. Literally the month later, I bumped into a guy and we started loosely dating. September 1999 we got engaged then married in June 2000 when I was 30. Fast forward to 2007 and I had my first (and only!) child.

DS is now 11 and we've been married 19 years.

Just to illustrate that it's entirely possible! I never imagined when I arrived in London that I would ever have a successful relationship, never mind a child because I simply and genuinely, wasn't looking.

horseferryroad horseferryroad thank you for your positivity and all the other posters

So glad it all worked out for you dontdoxmeeither

Stop looking. Remain open and friendly.

It's never game over until you're dead.

Keep meeting people, you'll find someone when you arent expecting it.

Ok put it another way do you have friends you made a year ago, 2 years ago, or 5 years ago?

I ask because maybe you’re out of the habit of moving from “new friend” to permanent friend and it’s a similar mindset.

My sister met and married her husband in her mid fourties, so I dong think it’s too late at all.

I have friends from school, university and all of my previous workplaces.

If I didn’t want a family, I’d be way more relaxed but I’m mid 30s and want babies - so my clock is ticking.

I am like you but have kids so feel impossible. Good luck OP!

DocusDiplo at least you have kids! 💓

Perhaps you aren't looking in the right places? I mean, if you meet up with men for a drink, maybe all you have in common is you both enjoy drinking.

For marriage and kids, you'll be hoping for a deeper relationship, so what do you actually care about? what's important to you? Where will you be most likely to find a man like that?

For example, if you're looking for someone confident, kind and reliable, who likes animals, do some volunteer work at a zoo. If you'd prefer someone intelligent, quiet and studious, join a writing group or book club at the library.

I split up from my ex husband aged 39. Joined a running club as a way of getting out and expanding my social life.
Met an amazing guy there and 2.5 years on am so happy.
I hate the idea of online dating. Can you go and do something that expends your social circle and see what comes of it? Running club, triathlon club, etc?

FlamedToACrisp good tips! I joined an evening course last year. There were only two guys on the course - a very young guy who had a gf, and another older creep guy who would just sit opposite me and stare at me the whole night I’ve joined meet ups based on my interests but it’s the same - no one I am attracted to so far.

Maybe it really is me that’s the problem, my taste (whatever that is) and preferences are too restrictive...

Blue5238 what a lovely story, thanks for sharing

It'll be easier to meet men as a single woman with a job and no kids than it was for me as a lone parent to two toddlers with no job. Even as a student I was not good enough to be considered to have potential as a partner. I am pretty sure they were being short sighted.
Luckily at a friends wedding I met a guy I'd met a couple of times who was not judgemental and shallow, we started dating and have been together almost 2 years now. Until that point I thought I would never find anyone to love me. If you'd asked me at the start of my dating if I would have considered him on paper, I would have been 100% no, he did "tick any of my hypothetical boxes" , however as a partnership it has been eye opening and amazing and we are so happy.
It can happen, but be open minded.

It's hard when you feel this way. I was exactly the same and eventually met my husband at 37. We've now been together for 15 years and have 2 DC and a happy marriage. (I feel very fortunate).
I think the running club is a really good idea, also keeping up with the online dating.
Could you take a second job? Maybe a couple of evenings a week in a restaurant? I did this when I was much younger and it opens up a whole new social circle.
Keep trying things that will allow you to meet completely new people. Hope it works out for you.

I had a friend sat to be recently. You left your dp at the wrong time (mid 30s)
That I’ve missed the boat in either direction.

Made me feel a bit sad. But as someone else said. It ain’t over till you’re dead.
If you want kids. Then perhaps you have to take another view point on it.

Sometimes I feel like I am waiting for the divorces to kick in, which May be another 10 years

If you're in London I personally know at least twenty women in the same boat.

I was in the same boat and actually did something that sounds cringey but really helped.

It's not cheap though, which was to work with a dating coach (the one I used is called Hayley Quinn - you can find her online).

I'd been dating for five years with no LTR during that time.

She helped really change the way I thought about dating and relationships and I met my DH while I was being coached by her.

I've also no doubt that if I hadn't met my DH I would've met someone else.

Your preferences probably are picky, but I'm not sure what control you have over that, and you wouldn't want to be married to a man you're not attracted to. What are the common elements in the men you have been attracted to? Conventionally good looking? Very self confident?