Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Curious if being invited for a drink by opposite sex who is married is every just really being friendly?

69 replies

StarlightIntheNight · 06/07/2019 00:14

So Dh seems to think that one can invite someone of the opposite sex for a drink and this can be the person just being friendly. Perhaps I am not as social and this is a normal thing. Dc had a play date with a friend. Dc had this friend over once and so this makes two play dates. I said I would pick up dc at x time and the father suggested I should join for a glass of wine when I pick up. I was caught off guard and agreed, but after wondered if perhaps it would be weird. The wife is away. Anyway, so I mentioned to my dh to ask what he thought he seemed to think it was normal! However, I don't think I would be very happy if my dh did this. Curious on thoughts.

OP posts:
Mrsmummy90 · 06/07/2019 00:18

If you were already friends then yeh, that's completely normal but if you don't know him and he wants to have a drink while his wife is away, I'd find that a bit odd.

Mamabear12 · 06/07/2019 00:32

I guess it depends. Im friendly w a couple friends dh but would not feel comfortable having a glass of wine w them while they are away. However, I have one friend, whom I’ve been best friends with since for 20 years, if she was away and her dh asked if I wanted a drink when picking up the kids I would think nothing of it. However, I’ve also known him 20 years lol.

LordScamperdale · 06/07/2019 07:24

I have had a drink with a couple of neighbours i ran into in town and also with one of DW's friends when she was not there. I had no intention of trying to take in any further. I was merely being sociable. t can happen.

LordScamperdale · 06/07/2019 07:25

It can happen!

Whereissummerthisyear · 06/07/2019 07:29

So it was a drink in their home?

A quick drink on pick up for ten minutes maybe but not out for a drink.

StressToy · 06/07/2019 07:29

I have good male friends whom I see one on one, so the whole ‘opposite sex friendship is really an emotional affair’ thing I see on here so often is simply not true for me. But definitely, DS has a friend around for play dates, or goes to her house, and I often have a coffee or a drink with her father.

Tawdrylocalbrouhaha · 06/07/2019 07:30

I think it can happen, depending on the circumstances, but I would be very cautious in this instance.

Although he possibly just doesn't drink alone, but wanted a glass of wine?

Birdie6 · 06/07/2019 07:31

I'd find it odd. Maybe if you'd known the person for a long time, OK, but not someone I just met through my DC , and especially if his wife is away.

Rystall · 06/07/2019 07:32

I clicked on this thinking you were being invited to meet someone in a bar in town. But from what you’ve said it’s a glass of wine in someone’s home, which you’re going to anyway, while the kids are playing? Perfectly normal. You’re over thinking it.

I’m assuming it’s nice and warm where you live? To some people it’s the summertime equivalent of a cup of coffee.

Rystall · 06/07/2019 07:32

Plus he’s probably dying for a bit of adult company while his wife is away.

AuntieStella · 06/07/2019 07:33

If it's just staying a bit longer for a drink and chat whilst you are there anyhow to fetch your DC, I'd see it as normal friendliness.

Pineapplefish · 06/07/2019 07:34

A glass of wine while the kids play, then you take DC and leave? Yes I would say that is normal and friendly. It would be completely different if he had asked to you meet him in a bar one evening (which is what I assumed from your title) and not fine at all.

Sittinonthefloor · 06/07/2019 07:38

Yes it is odd, but I think a cup of tea would be less odd! Not sure why. IME whenever I’ve had a male friend they’ve always ended up trying to make a move.

TheseThingsAreFunAndFunIsGood · 06/07/2019 07:38

He didn't exactly invite you out for a drink IMO he just suggested you stop for one - while you were going to be there anyway for a wholly innocent and genuine reason - on pick up. I wouldn't find this at all weird, when I pick up DC from playdates I Always stop for a drink (usually a tea or soft drink but depending!); maybe he's just lonely/bored if DW away and just hoping for a nice chat with a potential new friend... He might want to ask you for your DH's number! 😂

EdtheBear · 06/07/2019 07:39

He's probably just looking for some adult chat. In those circumstances I wouldn't think too much about it.

MashedSpud · 06/07/2019 07:43

It would have felt more normal to me if he just offered the drink while you were there rather than pre arranging it.

Bellasblankexpression · 06/07/2019 07:45

Of course it can be fine. It can also be full of intention. Really depends on circumstances and your relationship with the person generally.

If you’re good friends anyway I wouldn’t see an issue with it. If you don’t really make plans ever, then I would feel a little strange about it as it’s only cropped up when the wife is away.

Mendips · 06/07/2019 07:48

Completely fine

JustHavingASadDay · 06/07/2019 07:49

I've done this. My child had been friends with their daughter for a few years but my interaction with the dad was minimal to none.

I picked her up once when his wife was out and he asked if I wanted a glass of wine while the children got themselves sorted and we stayed for an hour or so chatting. It was really nice to get to know her friends dad a bit better.

I'm as sure as I'm ever going to be about anything that this man doesn't fancy me in the slightest Grin

SoupDragon · 06/07/2019 07:50

Of course it's fine. It's just sociable.

I mean, obviously there might be some twats who are trying it on but the vast majority won't be.

FuriousVexation · 06/07/2019 07:51

I agree with @MashedSpud - if you'd gone to pick up DC and he'd said "Fancy a drink? I've got tea, coffee, bottled water or wine? I'm having a glass of wine, please have one with me" I would think that was normal.

Or if he'd said "When you come to pick DC up, feel free to come a bit early and we can have a cuppa!" I'd have thought that was normal too.

It's the pre-arrangement along with alcohol that makes me go Hmm

And I've always had a lot of male friends (used to work in a very male-dominated sector) and am used to going for coffee/beer/food etc with them, with no ulterior motives.

TheVanguardSix · 06/07/2019 07:51

It's normal, however, it'll be interesting to see if this offer is extended when his wife is back.

Sittinonthefloor · 06/07/2019 07:52

Yes, as mashed said, it’s the fact that it’s pre-arranged that makes it seem date like + you don’t know him. Not the same as offering someone you’ve known for ages a drink because you’re having one yourself.

tinabloodysparkle · 06/07/2019 07:53

This is not weird, it's a glass of wine with fellow parent. Not a hook-up!

Karwomannghia · 06/07/2019 07:56

I can see on the surface it looks like he’s getting friendly while his wife is away, because you’re seeing potential consequences and further down the line and he might have designs, but I think it’s more that he wants an excuse to crack open the wine and have a chat without getting too drunk which might happen if a male friend went round later!