Curious if being invited for a drink by opposite sex who is married is every just really being friendly?

[StarlightIntheNight]

So Dh seems to think that one can invite someone of the opposite sex for a drink and this can be the person just being friendly. Perhaps I am not as social and this is a normal thing. Dc had a play date with a friend. Dc had this friend over once and so this makes two play dates. I said I would pick up dc at x time and the father suggested I should join for a glass of wine when I pick up. I was caught off guard and agreed, but after wondered if perhaps it would be weird. The wife is away. Anyway, so I mentioned to my dh to ask what he thought he seemed to think it was normal! However, I don't think I would be very happy if my dh did this. Curious on thoughts.

Justice , yes, I was in two minds about this too. But if he was testing the water to see if I was interested, I assume the fact that I brought dh along he won't be testing the water anymore lol. And yes, it could be that he wanted to get to know who his dc is spending time with. I definitely would not be happy if my DH invited another women in for a glass of wine that he barely knew. If it was one of our close mutual friends he invited in after a playdate, I would be fine...but someone he barely knows...I would assume he would instead try to get to know the father.

I guess, part of me is just used to the guys always wanting more (even the ones who played at being cool with being friends, I would always find out later they had a secret crush). Once I got married all the guys disappeared.

Like you starlight all my male friends vanished when I met my dh. It made me question plutonic relationships.

Once I got married all the guys disappeared.

Exactly. I think some of us come to this from a perspective of being used to a depressingly, repeatedly, ulterior motive to "genuine" male offers of "friendship".

My face when younger: 😁😆😊
Repeated experience face: 🤔🙄🤨

Agree with pp who said pre-arranged wine is suspect but spontaneous wine offer is chill.

'come round for a glass of wine' sounds seedier than 'want a glass of this wine?'

He might just be nice/like wine but I'd probably have a slight guard up

My other half has gone out for drinks with the girls from work tonight, sometimes I'll stop and have a drink with my besties hubby, people can and do have platonic relationships with those of the opposite sex. It sounds like a lovely arrangement to me.

I am just about to have a pre-arranged G and T with a neighbour picking up his daughter from a playdate with my seven year old. DH is not here, and neighbour's wife is picking up their other children from a sports event, but I'm pretty sure that we are not going to fall upon one another like wolves...

I’d ask ds’ friend’s dad to stay for a drink if he was picking up, as I would his mum. It’s just polite and sociable. Perhaps he just wants to get to know you and your ds better because the kids get on? I’m amazed that people think this odd.

raspberryk I think having drinks w people from work is very different to having a drink w one person that you don’t know well in the house.

@Cutpurse I can't believe you invited your child's friends father over for sex whilst the children play innocently outside. you floozy

Excuse me, @Sleeping. We sat in the sun with our drinks while our offspring made a den involving every cushion in the house and had a conversation about thrillers and how unlikely village gossip is to be true.

Pure debauchery @Cutpurse

If your neighbours are on MN, the gossip will be about you too lol

Its a shame you cant trust your husband, but I do think in this day an age two people can go out without is being anything but friendly.
My DH and myself both have friends of the opposite gender. which we will meet on nights out, in groups or alone.
Its not a thing unless you want it to be.
If it really bothers you why dont you invite both of them over for a meal and hopefully it will sooth your mind.

Cheeseandwin5 I do trust my dh. I just would think it strange if he was the one to invite another mom for a drink at the house (but mainly because he isn't that social and would rather invite a friend of his for a drink then someone he barely knows). The post was about me being asked for a drink and me mentioning it to my dh to see what his thoughts were, to which he thought it normal. I enjoy being friends with the opposite gender, its just that in my experience the man always wants more. I have never had a guy friend who wasn't interested in me or one of my friends. There was always a reason...not just pure friendship. However, now I am thinking this guy is married, so maybe he really was just being polite :) We have had some nice conversations and maybe I can assume he is interested in just getting to know me and thats all.

its just that in my experience the man always wants more. I have never had a guy friend who wasn't interested in me or one of my friends.

Gosh, I clearly have a face like a bucket because I have three close male friends and not one of them has ever tried to have sex with me.

DorothyCross, most never tried anything. However, it was more they wanted more. For example, they would get a friend to mention to me "x is into you, any feelings there? Or I could just tell, as they would get super jealous if I got a bf and first try to discourage the relationship and then disappear all together when I got married. I usually gave off vibes to any previous guy "friend" don't dare try anything...so actually none of them have tried to kiss me. I enjoy the company of opposite sex and would be happy to be friends with them. But after my past experience, I kind of lost all faith that men and women can be friends. My dh only has male friends. He is of course friendly with their wives etc. But he would never go meet them for a drink, as he would much prefer any free time to go to his male friends. How long have you been friends with your male friends and how did you meet them? And maybe one or two or all secretly have a crush on you :) or one of your friends

Dear StarlightinNight, I apologise I may have misread the situation. Am I correct in thinking it is the situation you found questionable. I think you should try and put aside the genders though. I think sometimes people are brainwashed into thinking that men should have male friends and female, female ones and any thing else leads to trouble or affairs.
Whilst it seems that you have been unlucky with some of the male friendships you have know (I would say maybe they stopped being friends with you not because you were now unavailable but rather that you spent more of your time with DH- I assume people will lose as many male friends as they do females ones when the become a couple), I have always found the friendships I have always stayed where they should be.

Cheeseandwin5 I guess that could be true, perhaps I became less available. I am still friends with my female friends, although I see them less after having kids, but at least once a month and in touch via text. I now tend to meet w other mums in the area for coffee or for play dates. And occasionally, I have hung out w the dads in the park during the play dates if the mums are not around.

How long have you been friends with your male friends and how did you meet them? And maybe one or two or all secretly have a crush on you

@Starlight, I've known one since 1997, one since about 2005, and the most recent and the one I see most of (we work together) for about the last five years. All of us are happily married. I like their wives, too, but know them far less well, and we tend to see one another one-on-one this isn't a group of friends. We go for lunch or a drink after work, or to see a film or an exhibition. I've been on holiday with one of them. No sexual edge whatsoever. DH has a couple of good, long-standing female friendships too a former colleague and an old student friend.

@DorothyCross haha me too. I was actually talking about this to the male single friend I spent yesterday with in his city. He did say he thinks our relationship is unusual. I'm beyond sure he doesn't want to have sex with me lol