How did you find out you DH had been unfaithful?

[Kimir]

I can't explain it but I just have a gut feeling that DH is cheating on me. He has not been his normal self and I just have this feeling there is someone else.

I see lots of posts on here from women whose DH or partner has had an affair or cheated on them etc. If that happened to you how did you find out what he did?

They have their mobile guarded, take it with them room to room.

1st time I found messages in Facebook (by accident) I was newly pregnant with our 3rd. Had a 3 and 2 yo already.
2nd time He sent a text meant for her to me Had not long given birth at this time.
3rd time found messages on his phone (I was deliberately looking) I was much stronger mentally now and chucked him out. Never looked back.

I should have ditched him sooner. There was other suspicious behavior, glued to phone, stopped coming home for lunch from work (they worked together) working more/late/away.

Always trust your gut.

But if they had their mobile so guarded how did you ever get proof?

*Phone bill
*Checking emails/WhatsApp/phone messages
*Social media
*Bank statements

What's he doing specifically OP?

When they’re asleep🤫!!

Checking his phone whilst he was asleep.

It took two full years to finally get proof. This was back around 2010, so, easier to get evidence in some respects than it is now. He would never ever admit to it. He would keep his phone face down, either by his side of the bed, or hidden downstairs.after 2 years he eventually forgot to delete a text and I finally, FINALLY had the proof I needed.

Woman’s intuition, works every time!

Never did get proof, didn’t need it as soon as the trust was gone. Yes I would like to know I wasn’t nuts, but in reality I know I wasn’t.

Key signs - changed behaviour patterns (suddenly needed to be out for gym/to get space as he was “depressed”).

Phone totally guarded.

Snarky with me. Disinterested.

I found a spare old phone in his car with a couple of fairly innocent photos of an old employee, that was enough, I asked him to show me his phone right then and there to show me it was nothing. He walked away, gave me his phone after 15 minutes when he’d had time to “think about it”. Too late, could never ever trust him again.

If he was innocent, walking away with that phone was the worst mistake of his life. He lost everything.

I did once consider fixing things for the kids. Then he shagged my best friend in the “consideration” period.

You are generally right and they never change.

Not my current DP, but an ex.

A lot of shady, weird shit went down the last month we were together. A weird phone call from a girl he'd never mentioned where he couldn't hang up quick enough, purposely leaving me at home when hanging out with his mates and their gfs, avoiding seeing me and having really far fetched reasons to why he couldn't. He ended up breaking up with me via text and then after some snooping on his Insta a week later, which I'd originally been blocked from, I saw a girl commenting under all his photos with stuff that was a fairly big indicator they'd been banging. He also avoided giving me my belongings back for nearly 3 weeks and I had to get his boss involved so I could get my house key, etc, off him. I think the guilt had got to him by that point.

He obviously never admitted anything so I'll never 100% know, but it would be very naïve of me to think innocently of him. He tried reconnecting with me a month and two months later, of which I ignored him. The second time was offering me gifts which was funny and pathetic at the same time.

I think at that point his fling had ended, Christmas was over (so no more presents to buy (he was in debt), and no more drug fuelled parties to go to (he broke up with me after I said I'd break up with him if he did drugs while he was with me)) and he wanted to go back to having a cushy life with a gf.

OP, trust your gut. I'd been ignoring weird shit with him for ages and it really does go to show that if you think something's fishy, it usually is. I'm not an advocate for snooping on someone's phone, but just be vigilant of what's going on. Try and suss the situation out before confronting him. If he's got something to hide, he'll just get better at hiding it. Wait until you've got enough evidence (and if you two live together and whatnot, get all your finances and paperwork in order). If he isn't cheating then that's great, if he is, at least you're prepared and you have everything you need/entitled to, to make a clean break.

Good luck!

Secretive, late working, unusual business trips, glued to phone and change of wardrobe, aftershave etc

I confronted him and he admitted it. He left that night, we divorced and he lives with his OW.

He left yahoo chat open on the home computer whilst he was somewhere else. I saw the conversstion between them almost in real time. Just flirty at that point, but it raised my suspicions enough to do more digging and after a couple of weeks i read an email that confirmed he'd had sex with her. I printed it out so i had evidence, and confronted him a couple of days later.

My “D”H admitted it but I’d known and accused him correctly for over 1.5 months before he finally did that.

He was dodgy with his phone. Constantly working late, doing more work travel and working from home on his laptop.

He was utterly disinterested in any family stuff, angry with me, angry with our children. Couldn’t talk about anything but work. Stopped mentioning this person and then deliberately omitted that they were going on work trips (this is when I first twigged something was up).

If it’s true, don’t take him back, don’t tolerate him “making up his mind”. I gave mine space to decide provided he was not in contact with this OW. I found out after he had left the second time (because he moved back in and out again) that he had been lying the whole time and carrying on with her - she was bragging about it on Instagram. I called him out and he lied to my face over and over.

Read chumplady. Get mighty. People who cheat when they are married and with children are scum in my book. I will never forget how heartbroken my children have been.

Didn't know what he wanted anymore, felt depressed, needed time alone to think. Yeah right, so depressed he was starting another relationship with someone else, and there was me in the background, so concerned and worried about him. What a twat.

He was odd with his phone. He turned his text message notifications off so none would show on the locked screen, he’d put it in flight mode to prevent it ringing on the rare times he’d show me something on his phone. He didn’t want me visiting him, he stopped visiting me or would say he was coming and then make a wild excuse or invent a story as to why he wasn’t coming over (preferably something that would garner sympathy so I couldn’t be angry). If I went to stay at his (LDR, he lived at home) I stayed in a hotel, he’d stand me up and not come back to the hotel after being out with his mates/at the pub (I wasn’t allowed to go) & then tell me he ‘fell asleep’ at home - caught him out on that once when I was laying on his sofa waiting for him at 8am, he got in at 8:30! He then tried to say he had “lost his keys in the pub and stayed there”. He deactivated his FB, he wouldn’t let me go out with him. He was just shifty.

What caught him out the 2nd time was an unexpected WHatsApp (message containing 15 x’s at the end) while showing me something. I didn’t recognise the name, but he died inside and I saw it all over his face. He denied it, said I was overreacting to nothing. I left it a bit and then he said something that bothered me, so I searched her. Found her and all I needed to know.

His 10 year old son told me accidentally.

The BF before - I popped round, looked through his window, and he’d moved his ex wife back in.

As soon as we had our baby he was off. Couldn't put my finger on it but I just knew he'd changed. He walked out twice for 'space', the second time I told him straight. Go & stay gone or stay & sort things out. He begged to stay. Then a couple of weeks later I was on our laptop & he'd forgot to log out of facebook. Very explicit conversations between him & another girl (including videos) & arranging to meet up. So that was that! & since then I found out he was on bumble, shapchatting other women & more. Utter scum!

Both of the above - nasty to me in the month or so leading up to my discoveries.

Recent man - accidentally texted me something about POF, I signed up, did a search and there he was!

He changed the pin number on his phone, we both had the pins to each others phones before this. He started buying new clothes that were 20 years too young for him (slashed tshirts, ripped jeans), going out at odd times with weird excuses about where he was going, bringing the phone everywhere. Plus I just knew. Gut instinct I suppose.

Something set my gut instinct off first (which I always listen to) then it was just a little white lie he told me. I just knew checked his phone (which confirmed)

@chocpop

The second time was offering me gifts which was funny and pathetic at the same time.

Haha, that reminds me when I was like 17 and was dating a guy who came round my house with a bottle of frosty jacks cider and a packet of 12.5 gram amberleaf bakky to try and "win" me back LOL!

My son heard a rumour which he checked out and found it to be true so told my eldest son who told my sister.

I was broken but it gave me the chance of a whole new and much happier life

When I caught my XH washing his willy in the sink after a night out. And even then he denied it.

Had no proof and he behaved meticulously well but something was a bit off.
Had an awkward dream one night which prompted me to sign up for a swinging site and catfish him - here low and behold he was sending his photos to me and proposing to meet.
He denied and denied and said it was someone else using his photos and he was never on that site.

I am still with him because I am to weak to leave.
I am now on the swinging site with my full profile and photos chatting to his 'clone' who pretends to be not him, and he can't do nothing because he is not on the site so supposedly he wouldn't know I am on there.

I hope this is causing him pain, although being the narc he is, I am not sure.

I was out with my wife and another couple. She was pissed and messing round on her phone then he would pick up his phone and they were texting each other! She then kissed me passionately in front of the couple which was just not us. It was to make him jealous. The suspicion I had from the weird stuff that was happening that evening were proved to be correct 6 months later when she left her emails open and I found out she was having an affair. We were in Crete at the time with our then 9 year old daughter.
If your suspicious then check everything. I feel such a fool now not reacting when alarm bells were ringing