How did you find out you DH had been unfaithful?

[Kimir]

I can't explain it but I just have a gut feeling that DH is cheating on me. He has not been his normal self and I just have this feeling there is someone else.

I see lots of posts on here from women whose DH or partner has had an affair or cheated on them etc. If that happened to you how did you find out what he did?

Because they do not always want to jump to another one. I can say that I have been begging my then H for a divorce for many years before that happened, and he didn’t agree to let me go until years after it.

Now, I was totally oblivious to the situation, if I had known, I would have thanked her and left him on her doorstep.

My ex showed every single one of the various 10 Signs He's Having an Affair, but actual proof - in my case cleaning out the drawer I found an old notebook with an email address and password of his from 15 years before. Always change your password every now and then, children.

The OW's husband found the same emails I did, as the OW had printed them out to read through later.

A friend of mine put a key tracker on the computer, they record every time someone types stuff on that compputer and send what they are typing to your email address.

My aunty found the passports of the children her partner of decades had with his secret wife.

ExH was always on his phone so never really suspected. He and his mates had group chats etc do didn't think much to it.
He also went to the gym a lot as we worked funny shifts so when he came home and headed straight for the shower it never really rang alarm bells.
I didn't suspect a thing until I looked on our roster system (shared workplace) and he had booked 2 days leave without telling me. Didn't mention anything but it made me a bit suspicious. I then noticed that he even took his phone to the toilet with him.
So I waited until 4am and commando crawled to his side of the bed and took his phone. Looked through it and found absolutely nothing but couldn't shake the feeling.
I after a few more days I remembered that his phone contract was in my name so I logged in and checked his bill. 1000s of texts to the same number for 3 months+ at all hours.
I checked his contacts on his iTunes and it was a girl he worked with who would have been days off on the 2 days he had booked leave.
I did some more digging on the computer and discovered an extra email account. Guessed the password and found naked pics of her.
Printed all evidence out and put it out of site.
Confronted him about it and he lied until he was blue in the face. Until I made it rain pieces of paper with pictures of her flat arse and tiny tits all over.
He didn't say a word. I bagged his shit and kicked him out.
Trust your gut.

1. Was always very open with his mobile and left it on the bedside. One night he left it in his Jean's pocket and carefully folded his Jean's up and left them the other side of the room.....I waited till he went to sleep and went and looked at it (I had never done it before but the moment he did that I knew that there was something on it he didn't want me to see and of course there was).
2. He got very drunk on a bottle of whiskey I bought him as a present and just before he passed out he looked at me square in the eye and said 'whatever you do, don't look at my phone'.....again, of course I looked at his phone and there were thousands of messages to several women (including one we worked with)
3. We had just moved in together 3 months before and we were snuggled up on the sofa his laptop was open and a message popped up on FB. I didn't see what it said but was a woman and he dived to close it....that night I looked and he had been meeting her in a hotel!

They were 3 separate men by the way. Obviously not very bright! Living with 2 of them. Thankfully not married or kids involved. I learnt to trust again and have been with my DH for 8 years now and very happily married but I do have the odd niggle and horrible feeling but I honestly think that is down to my past. But if I ever found out he was cheater I am becoming celibate!

Infidelity causes so much pain and hurt.

Dh arranged for the children to go to my mum's for the afternoon. He knelt on the living room floor beside me with tears in his eyes and told me, begging for forgiveness. He wept like a baby afterwards.

I have never felt such pain and wanted to die. I was suicidal for one month after discovery and truly believed I would never smile or laugh again.

We went for joint and separate counselling for six months. We got to the bottom of why he did it though it does not excuse him in any way. He is and was completely remorseful and rightly so.

A year on we are still together, I love him as much, if not more than before. He loves me. I value my time instead of focusing only on the family. I have pursued hobbies, go on mini breaks with friends etc. I treat myself whereas before I put myself last.

Faith- at least in your case he had the bollocks to confess and deal with it. Very few do. They make you feel like you are going mad rather than accept their own shortcomings. I’m glad you have been able to move on.

@Faith50. My husband is still in denial. A week since finding out and he won’t respond or tell me anything. It’s all him, him, him. How he’s feeling. I wish mine would do what yours has done and just tell me everything

Mainly gut instinct for me as well.
Other signs.
On his phone much more.
Hair cut.
More moody.
I finally found all the proof I needed when I was doing his expenses and saw the phone bill go from £10 a month to over £250.

With my more recent dickhead.
Same - gut instinct.
Lots of snooping.
It was dead easy to find out he's been flirting with anyone that would give him the time of day.
He was a porn addict.
He was a full on liar.
And a massive cheat.
I feel for the woman he is with now.
He'll never change.

Oh well.... I'm now totally man free and loving single life.
I don't need a man.
The majority are just fucking assholes!

snoopertrooper and ifmylifestarts Had my dh not confessed of his own accord I would not be with him today. I honour him for telling me and the fact that he got on his knees.

It was still painful but I came through. What you think is not possible truly is. Today I laugh, smile, am excited about my future/our future, am confident about my looks and body.