How did you find out you DH had been unfaithful?

[Kimir]

I can't explain it but I just have a gut feeling that DH is cheating on me. He has not been his normal self and I just have this feeling there is someone else.

I see lots of posts on here from women whose DH or partner has had an affair or cheated on them etc. If that happened to you how did you find out what he did?

Oreoxoreo you are so funny, I am still laughing. Though you should really leave this dumb, dopey man and meet someone who is worthy of you.

OP trust your instincts, they are normally correct.

my 17 year old son told me!

OW rang me and told me she had been 'shagging my husband for ages' when DS3 was 6 weeks old. I'd snooped and seen email exchanges between them but he explained it away as a fling when we had briefly broken up (arsehole!)

Different partner always left his phone out but it was on silent most of the time and locked. I knew something was up and seized an opportunity to snoop one time when he gave me his phone to wait for a call.

What I found was disgusting. Lewd messages on Facebook to 100's of women (none of which replied to him 🤣) and same on Instagram. We were friends on FB but he had me on very limited settings. To be honest, seeing his disgusting character in theses messages put me off him more than the cheating so he got binned pretty quick. He was also on several dating sites which I found out after.

I'd say trust your instincts on this. They are rarely wrong.

Gut feel. Instantly. Because:

Secretive, late working, unusual business trips, glued to phone and change of music tastes (hers).

Really horrible to me, contemptuous, neglectful, He was utterly disinterested in any family stuff, angry with me, angry with our children. Couldn’t talk about anything but work. Weirdly excited about a project at work.

But because I was his friend, he told me that he wasn't doing anything it was his upset with me as a wife that was the problem. I fell for that hook line and sinker and tried to be a better wife.

Gosh it was a painful time.

Bought a usb recording device from Amazon for £16, put it in his car, retrieved it 48 hours later, plugged it into my computer and heard everything. Did this because his habits had changed. I was right.

www.amazon.co.uk/Voice-Best-Recorder-Portable-Recording-Use-Dictaphone-Windows/dp/B00OL1ADIS/ref=sr_1_3?s=gateway&keywords=usb+recording+device&tag=mumsnetforu03-21&qid=1562415689&sr=8-3

This:

Didn't know what he wanted anymore, felt depressed, needed time alone to think. Yeah right, so depressed he was starting another relationship with someone else, and there was me in the background, so concerned and worried about him.

And this:

People who cheat when they are married and with children are scum in my book. I will never forget how heartbroken my children have been.

Reading these posts it’s like they go to some kind of course where they all do the same thing when they start to be unfaithful.

I also had that gut feeling and was actually pleased when it was confirmed (before I broke down) because I had felt like I was going crazy for the 6 months up to then. I was devastated that our family was destroyed but actually the kids and I are ok.

I’ve posted on here before - the OW is welcome to him. He’s not the prize she thinks he is. He’s a shit father & was a crap husband & Im well rid of him.

Listen to your gut - it’s prob right

We had a mutual friend who lived abroad in a city he often visited on business, and sometimes he would stay with her. But then one day she emailed back to say she couldn’t have him as her family was staying including her father who had some bad health problems. He insisted in staying there with a naturality of someone who is already part of the family, even when she said no several times.

I didn’t have confirmation of the affair until the year after we split, at the time I just dismissed my concerns thinking that my ex was just a selfish twat trying to save some money in hotel fees, which was a stupid thing to think when his company covered all the expenses.

Naked photos of them in bed together on his phone.

Gut feeling

My best friend phoned me up to tell me she had sexual relations with DH, I was in bed asleep at the time.

My laptop wouldn't work and I needed to do some banking so I texted him to ask if I was ok to use his. He replied and said yes. So I did.

I went to clear my history, as I always did on my own laptop, and there was a single webpage in his history for a NSA sex website - I assume he normally used incognito browsing or also deleted his browsing history, which was why he was ok with me borrowing it.

I clicked on the link - he had a profile on there. And I could see which profile's he'd looked at.

I don't know if he had ever met up with anyone but the intention was enough for me.

I messaged him with a copy of the link and "care to explain?" He read the message but didn't reply.

So I rang him on his desk phone at work for the first time ever. His colleague answered and told me he had gone to the loo, so I said I'd call back. I tried again 5 mins later and his colleague told me he'd gone into a meeting. So I told the collegeague that my husband had precisely 5 minutes to call me back or I'd call again and tell his colleague exactly why I was phoning him at work.

He called me back immediately.

I kicked him out the same day.

There were no other signs. I'd never have known had my laptop not failed. Oddly, it worked fine the next time I tried to use it. The universe was looking after me that day

He'd been acting strangely for a couple of weeks. Not interested in sex, constantly on his phone and kept name-dropping a female friend he'd known for ages but had recently begun to see more of through his hobby.

One evening, an almighty argument blew up over something trivial. He came out with all the old cliches: Hadn't been happy for years, needed to move out for a few days to get some 'space' to decide what he wanted. It was all a complete shock to me, I'd thought we were happy. He packed an overnight bag and went.

Three days later after a whole lot of buggering about over his plans for the future, I remembered I had access to his online mobile billing. I found hundreds of calls and texts to a number that I was unfamiliar with. I stored it in my phone and found the WhatsApp profile profile of a woman. The penny abruptly dropped. I packed the rest of his stuff and told him to come and get it.

Two things stood out to me at the time: He seemed very put out that I hadn't let him come to his own decision about which one of us he wanted to be with and was astonished to find that I wasn't going to remain his best buddy.

I never found out whilst we were together but he started acting odd, avoiding sex, started saying he was having anxiety, started suggesting that if we ever split up he’d always want to keep in touch
All came to a head when we were abroad on holiday, he got wrecked and was obnoxious to me, told me he’d never wanted a relationship (we’d been together a year by then and this was a total shock). Didn’t want any photos with us on holiday on social media. It ended then and there and I was stuck abroad with him!! I’m sure he only went with me so he didn’t lose money.
Never seen him since we got back. Found out months later he had a new gf. Fine. Bit of harmless curiosity as to who she was led to me finding out he’d met her 3 months before we split whilst he was away with his DC. I’ve never reacted, never will. He’s a selfish prick and the way he carried on abroad made me doubt my own sanity! It didn’t cross my mind he’d met someone else but as soon as I found out about when he met her everything instantly made sense

At a friends party and sleeping on a mattress, ex wife's phone kept pinging (about 10 times). I picked it up to look and there was a colleagues name and 10 text messages, this was 2 o clock in the morning. I woke up my ex wife and asked her what it was all about, she took the phone into the loo locked the door and came out 5 mins late saying it was nothing. I left the next day. She's married to him now.

Viagra receipt in the car. Suspended from work for gross misconduct after whatever the email equivalent of sexting is. Oh and mustn't forget the expired hook up apps I found in his Apple Store when trying to disable a subscription to Animal Jam!

I found out last weekend.. I checked his phone, he went to the toilet and left it on charge. He got careless and I took a chance.
I was suspicious because he seemed to have no interest in us any more, was emotionally distant. You would talk to him and knew he wasn’t listening. Then there’s the usual working late.
It was just a gut feeling, don’t ignore your gut. Mine had been going on for 18 months, been on days out together when he should have been at work. Spent all our money on her and her daughter. He even went to a wedding with her!
I sometimes wish I’d never looked at his phone but eventually it would have all come out. Take care

Mysteriously had to stay at his friends house for two nights while I sat home with the kids. Left his iPad charging which was connected to his iPhone. Heard all the pinging of messages so I looked and saw him setting up his alibi in case I phoned looking for him. We split up less than an hour later.

I just knew. I had a gut feeling that I knew was right even when he was staunchly denying it. He used to like all her photos on Facebook (lots of very sexy underwear type selfies) and when I told him it was disrespectful he told me I was the one with the problem 🙄🙄

I never did have 'proof' but the second we split he instantly started a relationship with her. They worked together - him senior management and her an apprentice (should give you some idea of the age gap involved!)

After we split I remained close to one of his friends who was honest and told me what I already knew, which I was grateful for as it meant he could no longer gaslight me.

They lasted less than a year and he's now terminally single whilst I've moved on with a lovely man - so that's karma for you.

But yeah never ever doubt your gut instinct. I never ignore mine now, far as I'm concerned if my gut is right about something as huge as that, it's probably right about most things

He came home with an STD.

Had a gut feeling, in hindsight it was textbook cheating behaviour at the time from him. I was very watchful for a while, and eventually I saw him key his new pin into his phone. When he was asleep a couple of days later I logged in to his new ipad and read months of emails between them. He denied and denied until he realised I had evidence. Game over.

Looking back I was naive, stupid or both.
We had been going through a rough patch and he had switched off from family life.
Throughout our marriage he led his social life through work so was always away 1 night a week. This suddenly increased and yes looking back he kept his phone by him a lot. I never snooped, so not sure if it was locked or not. Perhaps I really trusted him when all the signs were there?
He started coming to bed in his dressing gown, having slept naked for 17 years.
He left and I went in to the study and began looking through his business box files, to this day I am not sure what I was actually looking for. What I found were invoices for boutique hotels, lots of them, rooms booked for 2, several hundred pounds a pop.
We divorced several years ago.

God, it's bloody depressing reading through this thread. Why can't people just be upfront and end one relationship before jumping into another.

Userxx. Because a lot of them don’t actually want to end their primary relationship, they just want that extra ‘buzz’ going on in life , it gives them a kick